Just Some Personal Toughts...  

rm_Kissmystuff 61F
2665 posts
4/15/2006 8:39 pm

Last Read:
6/28/2009 2:44 pm

Just Some Personal Toughts...

§ I'm just sitting here..in front of my computer..thinking..as I often do before heading for bed. After the radio program..my son-in-laws bought me a bottle of brandy and some coke to mix it with. (Ya..I'm gonna have a couple of drinks..it's been awhile).

A good many of my friends have moved away..my car died a few months ago and since my surgery I don't get out much. Still healing. Wondering when this damn wound is going to stop drainning already. Ya..I know it's gross...but it's been 6 fucking months!!! The doctors tells me it's not infected. The ultra sound shows no problem. So why is it taking so long? Anyway...I've started using a poultice of swedish bitters on it every night..which seems to have slowed it down..to a point where it's almost completely stopped.

The places I have gotten out to lately...are just not that exciting. Let's see..there's the clinic..whoopee. And..I mean..after all..you see one grocery store...you've pretty much seen them all. I hate shopping anyway..unless it's for books..music..art or antiques. I even hate shopping for clothes. I have a place where I've shopped for years. They're pretty much used to my foibles. They send out a catalog. I mark the things I like in the catalog. Take it to the store with me. Go the counter...point out the outfits that I want and in what size. The saleswoman goes to the rack and gets them for me. (I don't try them on...I hate that.) I pay for the clothes and leave. Shopping at it's best.

I still tire easily..and don't really have a lot of patience with people sometimes. I have learned how to say no..which is something I should have learned a long time ago. I've learned you need to pick the things you will give your energy to. It's impossible to give your time and life energy to every single worthwhile cause out there. When you try to do that..there's nothing left over for your family and yourself.

Well...one thing being around the apartment more has done for me..is allow me more time to work on some things I've put off for awhile. My kids and others..keep telling me..I should write my memoirs..of earlier exploits in my life. Perhaps some day I will. I have a lot of material to go back and read through if I do. I used to keep a daily log..for years. I could tell you what I did on any given day..who I met with..what we discussed and what actions were to be taken. It was one way I documented my work and daily life. I'm beginning to get into that habit again.

Have you ever felt like you were in a holding pattern..or in the eye of the storm. There's chaos all around..but you're in this quiet..insulated place..where you can rest..before stepping out again into the chaos.
That's where I feel I'm at right now. But I'm beginning to feel this mounting sense of urgency..as though I don't have much time left to rest. There are things I will need to do soon again.

There's also this wanting..this feeling a need. It's all well and good to flirt and have fun..to play..to tease. But..there are also those times when I'd like something of substance..something more for myself. I refuse..to think I'm being too picky..as a couple of friends have accused me of being.

I still hold the belief that there are good men out there..intelligent..sensitive..creative..wonderful men. Surely..one of you has room in your heart for me.

I'll leave a candle burning in the window..so you can find your way.


bigknob1958 52M

4/16/2006 1:49 am

Kiss my stuff there is nothing wrong with being picky ...all it means is that you have standards that you are not willing to compromise...i.e.-integrity....dont lose faith in the male speicies...there are good men out there....I only wish I lived in the usa instead of the uk so that I could prove it to you!

digdug41 49M

4/16/2006 8:04 am

heykiss I hope you find whatyour looking for coz your a really sweet lady

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

ArgosPlumyKooky 45F
3902 posts
4/16/2006 8:50 am

tip toes out leaving sweet wishes. . .

rm_moonboy23 36M
893 posts
4/16/2006 9:35 am

very creatively express kiss . I find it very nice but I can feel how u feeling .Good luck to you.If there is a start there is end.
Hope is there are may be we can be good friends.

interested13563 53M
2557 posts
4/16/2006 1:21 pm

Kiss, it is rather rare that people talk so openly and sincerely
as you do. You are so right to observe that one has to learn
to say no sometimes. I am struggling with this and at times I
feel worn out. As we all know you possess a richness of mind
and character and you have done a lot for good causes. I am
certain that several men will appreciate this. So your candle
should keep burning - but it will not have to burn for too long.
Take care of yourself and feel well soon.

docdirk 47M

4/16/2006 5:20 pm

We have much in common - the dislike for shopping, (food & clothes) but the enjoyment of book and music browsing; difficulty in saying "no," even when it is the best thing we can do for oursleves; and the burning sensation that there is something that needs to be done... that demands to be done, and soon!

I'm sorry to hear of your continuing discomfort. And I know how quickly the same four walls can become tedious beyond description.

Light your candle, your just desserts can not be far away.

Ah, Its you again, Your Angel Feathers and your Blood Stains...

KarezzaMagick 64M
165 posts
4/16/2006 9:51 pm

Kiss, well written and touching. You are really one of the Best, and that projects across the miles (and bytes or whatever). Also, as sweet as you seem, you are at least as intellectually interesting. If I lived within two hundred miles of you, I'd walk there just to meet you and share a cup of coffee, even if I could only stay an hour. I know things will work out for you in the end.

rm_Kissmystuff 61F
1435 posts
4/17/2006 3:48 pm

Hi Honni...

Thank you for your kind words. Yes...faith and hope still work. Your encouragement means a lot to me.


Thank you for your email. I am very touched by your concern. I'm really quite resilient..and will make it through.


Thanks for your kind words and encouragement sweetie.
(I call all my kids sweetie)


Thanks for your good wishes. But I've noticed..there is no smile on you latest picture here. How are you doing?


I appreciate you coming by and your encouragement. Thank you. I'm always open to making new friends.


I always look forward to reading your comments. And as always...thanks for your comforting thoughts.


So you hate to shop also huh? Believe me..I can relate. Books and music are two of my loves. I do feel that "time is running out". This seems to relate to multitudes of people..not just me. I meditate on this..with the hopes of seeing clearly...what I am to do.


As always...thank you for stopping and leaving your thoughts.

I'm laughing...because there aren't many people who actually know me...who would describe me as sweet.


rm_Kissmystuff 61F
1435 posts
4/17/2006 6:38 pm


Thanks for the information...I'll do the research you suggest.


redswallow777 48M
6810 posts
4/17/2006 7:12 pm

Somewhere along the line I missed what was going on in your life. I hope, as you say, you are getting close to that place of being healed. I have never had to deal with waiting a long time for something to heal...where it kept me indoors. I don't think I would be a very good patient. Knee surgery or sprained ankles take me to my limit of patience.

But then it sounds like you have found a place of peace in the chaos of the world....lets hope I might be so graced should I ever be in the same place of needing to heal.

I will keep you in my thoughts and send some healing energy your way.

Will keep you in my thoughts.

curious082385 31F
4925 posts
4/18/2006 2:16 am

I truly believe that there is that one person out there for each of us and yes, your soul does feel a pull and an emptiness when they aren't in your life. But in time, they will come and that void fills. Just have to wait. I know...no fun...I'm waiting too.

blueguy1051 60M

4/18/2006 5:20 pm

Hope you get to feeling better. It's amazing how much energy it takes to heal.

Thank you for your vote. I'm so glad that there are pretty ladies with poor eye sight.

rm_yukonpaul 51M
1120 posts
4/19/2006 1:29 am

I don't know what your surgery was for, but I too had a wound that took a long time to heal. Turns out it was a staph infection. I was hospitalized for five days in December '05, pumped full of intravenous antibiotics, and the wound finally healed within just a few days.

I would like to thank you for your vote in TIME TO VOTE: GROUP THREE. I never expected anyone to vote for me.

dasher121 36M

4/19/2006 11:33 am

I feel where you are coming from on that, the port in the storm and the feeling of wanting something more. I go home everyday, get my shower, grab some food, and chill out. And then the feeling creeps up on me that I should be doing more. But I dont know what, and it can really eat away at someone. I also too long for the comfort and substance of being with someone exclusive. But I also know, that I can wait as long as I have to. One should never settle for anything or anyone. It should be finding exactly what you seek and going for it, no matter how long the wait.


rappahannock_man 61M
1102 posts
4/19/2006 12:52 pm

"I still hold the belief that there are good men out there..intelligent..sensitive..creative..wonderful men. Surely..one of you has room in your heart for me.

I'll leave a candle burning in the window..so you can find your way."

Oh, dear girl! You touched my heart there. I hope you find what you need....

spacecadet561 59M

4/19/2006 3:19 pm

Six months for a wound to heal sounds entirely too long. It sounds like you need another medical opinion and maybe a different course of treatment. Good luck with it. I dare say a great many people here are awaiting impatiently the day you're back up to full power, vigor, and vitality.


interested13563 53M
2557 posts
4/20/2006 12:00 pm

By the way, shopping is my greatest ordeal. I avoid it as much
as possible (in fact haven't done it for over two years)

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