The Pig did me in, The Gonzo report .  

rm_Khemeckals 37M
71 posts
1/9/2006 2:34 pm

Last Read:
3/24/2006 8:51 am

The Pig did me in, The Gonzo report .

It was just after 1pm. My speed.. 80-85, on a clear day with little traffic. My plan was simple.. keep moving, never slow down. Keep the car aimed straight like a tomahawk missile. There is a sense of calm and security in driving a fast car on an empty road. Nothing can touch me as long as I keep moving fast, and never mind the cops! Their all jacking off somewhere, swapping stories poor citizen they arrested the night before.

Either way, they wanted no part of me, or me of them. Only trouble could come of it. Their prolly decent people, but we were not meant for each other. There is plenty of history that supports the notion that I and the police were put on this earth to do completely different things, and should never mingle with each other professionally. Hell, their good people... I've tossed a few back with them... but not today. I was late Damn it!

Their were dangers. I admit this. These 100 ton 50 wheel truckers going 90 that might cut loose and jackknife at any moment, utterly out of control. Not allot of things compare to a jackknifed Mac truck with no brakes coming at you sideways at sixty or seventy miles per hour. There is a total understanding, all at once, of how the captain of the Titanic must have felt when he first saw the Iceberg.

Deep in thought... I see the lights, the sirens, and the man. Jesus! I thought. what bastard would pull me over during lunch time? My boss is watching the clock for my return, like some kind of crazed dad sitting on the sofa with his shotgun waiting for his overly matured daughter to come home after a long date. I've got no time for this! He must be a rookie, a cop that hasn't learned the rules yet. Stay calm. Be polite. Maybe he stopped me for polite conversation. A shudder ran through me, but I gripped the wheel and stared straight ahead, ignoring this unacceptable situation. The Officer strolls on over to my car like Clint Eastwood, but for some reason, I'm just not feeling lucky today.

Ok, no sudden moves.. You better take care of me Lord, if you don't you're gonna have me on your hands. I rolled down the window and the infamous words of license and registration please came singing to my ears. I gave him all my papers and he went strolling back to his throne. How long could I maintain? I wondered. My hostility and resentment grew with every minute. He came back and asked, why I was speeding. My calm retort was simple. I'm guilty. I understand that. I knew it was a crime, and I did it anyways. why argue? I'm a criminal. Jesus, what did I just say?!?! Get a grip on yourself man.

He eyeballs me for a few seconds, and starts writing on his little pad. Our vibrations were getting nasty. But why? I was puzzled, frustrated. Did we have a break down in communication? Had we deteriorated to the level of ignorant beasts? Well he might have, but I was on top of things. My wits about me. This cop was looking for anything to pull me out of the car and beat me like a pinata. How would Bill Hicks handle this situation? I'm not gonna take any guff from this swine.

He starts to ramble on about when I need to appear in court and go before the Judge. What? I thought. Judge? That was over the line.
Unacceptable. Jesus, he's gone completely sideways, man. As he strolls away.. prolly getting a hard on from being so tuff, and ridding the community of such filth like me, I feel unsatisfied. Anger. Disbelief. I start my car again, and begin to pull out. Damn!!... no blinker..that's just what he wants me to do... He was looking for any excuse to shoot me at this point. I could sense it. I put on my blinker and pulled into traffic, and finally make it to work.

My boss stares at me as I walk through the office... The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride.

To be continued in court

(Basically, I got a ticket.)

rm_Khemeckals 37M
94 posts
1/9/2006 8:32 pm

Actually, my uncle is a cop, so I know alot of them. Just thought I would make a story that was more interesting and fun to read instead of... I got a ticket today. hahah. Have nothing but respect for them. I just might have to show up! No one has told me that "I have to be there" haha. How much "fun" are those parties?

You might have to beat me off with a stick. Rawwwr!

Devine_C0medy 38M/34F

2/17/2006 5:36 pm

I really like you're style of wrting.

Become a member to create a blog