|Blogs > rm_KageKawaii > Rants of a Crazed Madman|
Chronological order. Names might be changed to protect the innocent.
... yeah. That was funny! Actually, more for privacy reasons. Shall we?
Also known as the "first". Though, technically, my first gf was this chick I grew up with (and I was in 7th grade at the time), she was the first to give the "GFE". With all it entails. She was also of asian descent, and you know how much we love the asian pussy...
She was interesting, but ultimately nothing could ever come of it. She was needy, I was chronically forgetful, and in the end I disappointed her more than she did me.
Time: 4 mos
Current stat: Dunno. When I got out of the military, she told me to keep in touch with her. If only I could find her phone number...
Another chick I met in the military. From meh native N.Cac, nonetheless. Strange as it may be, and as much as I hate to admit it, to this day a southern accent of the NC variety can awaken something within me. At any rate, she was good, and also can be credited with introducing me to the world of "threesomes".
Kicking and screaming, but yes, she managed it. Stupid, blind love...
Neither of us should've joined the military, in retrospect, but at least I kept my nose clean longer than she did. As a result, she got booted long before I left. She stayed in town for a while until her sis "rescued" her. Is it a coincidence that things were starting to get extremely serious (proposal) before she left? No, the rescue came as a surprise to all of us. Fate, I guess.
On a side note; One day, I hope to meet Skuld and choke the everliving shit out of her.
... perhaps even anally her with that hammer of hers. But I digress...
Current stat: Last I heard, she moved to PA. Then moved back to NC. Then... nothing. A few years ago, I thought I saw her in NE, but it turned out to be someone else.
First BBW, first person I ever cohabitated with, first I ever impregnated, she is special in many many ways. Wonderful girl, with a sexual appetite that rivaled my own. Understanding of my many quirks and one of the few that have tolerated my anime obsession.
Sounds perfect, right? Yes, but only one issue: Self esteem issues. Spent the entire relationship waiting for me to leave her. Couldn't believe that I truly accepted her as she was. Unfortunately, she also saw how submissive I can be (damn Piscean traits) and controlled that as best she could. Which I hated. Sadly, I slowly started losing feelings for her as time progressed. Though I told her about it, she still couldn't stop... until one fateful night when I made a decision that still haunts me.
Time: 3 yrs
Current stat: Has custody of my son, so yes, we still stay in touch. Many disagreements and wars later, we agreed that being cordial was in the kid's best interest. Many years later, we're back being friends (and it doesn't feel forced).
First black almost-GF. Falls under the category of "if I weren't with someone already, you'd be the one, but since I am, let's be friends". Slightly younger than me, and we just hung out. A lot. Probably more than we should. Lots of fun, very cute, a teeny bit slow (or she just didn't get my jokes, which most don't (see Skuld reference above)).
Admitted she liked me more than she was supposed to, and eventually went back to her ex after he got out of jail.
Time: 5 mos
Current stat: Couldn't tell you. She worked in the cafeteria on base, and one day she called after we had stopped talking. Sounded like she wanted to hang out, but I was entertaining company. She said she'd call later, and that was the last I heard of her.
Second black almost-GF. Initially, I was single when we started hanging out, but met Karen during that time. She was with someone at the time, so it was just a case of bad timing. She wanted me and was rather brazen in her shows of affection. Which I liked, but my heart was elsewhere. Supposedly.
It came to a head one night, however. Karen related a story to me about how when she went out of town after we hooked up, she actually went to see her friend/ex. They got together and she, still unsure of my feelings (we had moved in together by then), decided to give her ex a hummer for old times' sake. It didn't go any farther than that, according to her. I felt betrayed. Guess where I went?
If you assumed I had revenge sex with Jen, you're wrong.
I went there. I intended to do it. I even kissed her on her neck (her weak spot). But I couldn't go through with it.
I mention this incident because it started quite the war; it ended with a phone call, from Jen, to Karen, telling her that we had fucked multiple times. While most GF's would've took it at face value and kicked me out, Karen decided to ask some questions. Namely, she wanted dates. When she named a date that fell on a weekend that we were spending at a hotel in an entirely different city, she knew her story was bunk. I would find out later that it (and a few other things she did) were expressly for the purpose of breaking us up so I'd end up with her.
Just an aside: That never fucking works.
Time: 1 yr, not continuous
Current stat: I ran into a friend of hers, and we messed around a bit. I think she felt betrayed, b/c she never was the same to me after that. After the fling between me and her friend dissolved, she stopped calling.
The aforementioned "fateful decision".
When we started going out, I told Karen that there was one unforgivable sin: betrayal. I would dump her like a bad habit and never look back.
Unforgivable sins are like that.
Unfortunately, they cut both ways.
Stacy and I had been talking for a while online, and had even met at a few of the IRC channel gatherings (M&G's, but fully clothed. Usually. ), but I never expressed an interest short of the "Wow, you look just like Alanis Morrissette (drool drool)" compliments.
All that changed in one night.
She had a particularly bad date and wanted comfort. I offered just that, but then she made the suggestion I come down and we have some drinks. I got there, but she has no booze. Fine, we'll go get some. In the meantime, we started talking... and I moved closer to comfort her... and, well... she is rather cute, you know. Without thinking (remember, I'm still with Karen), I kissed her. She kissed back. I kissed some more, and suddenly we were clinging to each other like long-lost lovers, fondling, exploring, and passionately kissing each other. I picked her up, carried her to the bedroom, and in 3 hours time managed to undo 2 yrs of work.
Unforgivable sins are a double-edged sword.
She found out and wanted nothing more to do with me, and Karen was understandably hurt. I, however, was wracked with guilt and sad that she found out before I could tell her. You see, I realized what I had done after (actually, 2 hrs into) what we did, and by my own rule I would have to go. Such idealism, really, but I was still young enough to not see the subtle shades of grey that permeate this world. One night, two relationships. Done. The end.
... or is it?
One year later, Stacy starts talking to me again. I find out that she never stopped liking me, but backed off so that the relationship could be salvaged. So honorable, so martyr-like.
Remember this, cuz it will have relevance later.
So begins the on-again, off-again 4-year relationship that I had every intent of being my last. We meshed well, even shared some of the same quirks. But, in the end, she never had the level of trust in me that someone should their significant other. And when I did finally screw up, it was "i knew you would" and things, after that, were never the same.
...though not for lack of trying.
Time: 5 yrs
Current stat: 1 year to the day of our breakup, she remarries. Some older guy. She's happy now; he has a nice job, so she doesn't have to worry as much.
In the period between Karen and Stacy. I lovingly refer to this chapter as "WTF?".
Good girl. Sex-crazed, with a little painslut tucked in for good measure. Dad was a minister, Mom was... a minister's wife. All the children were rebellious, pot-smoking little hellions. What's not to love?
Unfortunately, she was on the rebound from an abusive fiance. Literally, once she got her self-confidence back, she split.
She later admitted to regretting her actions, but not before a little foray into the world of lesbianism!
... and a little part of me dies on the inside.
Current stat: She had a bit of a breakdown while I was out of the state for a year. When I returned, she had hooked up with some dude in the recovery facility and now they're married... with children.
That reminds me; I wonder if they're going to make a DVD box set for Jesse...
A brief mention if for no other reason than to serve as a reminder that even though on-line hookups are the shiz, there are some crazy bitches out there (far more than crazy dudes, but I digress). She didn't seem crazy, and she certainly came of her own free will. She even moved in with me of her own free will. She even let me use her car of her own free will. However, she was distraught that I didn't want a relationship with her, and started spreading rumors. Rumors that people who knew me immediately blew off, but... well, let's put it this way: Even today, many years later, there's still certain people that will get punched in the face on the off-chance that I ever run into them.
I found out later that she had gotten pregnant, had an abortion, and blamed me for all of it. Though I had sent her on her way long before I found this out (the aforementioned rumors), I still felt bad. I wanted to know. I had a responsibility, and a right to know. I'm not mad she aborted, I'm mad she didn't have the decency to tell me.
Time: 4 mos
Current stat: Get this: Married, still hanging out in the Nebraska area chatrooms (not here), and still spreading the rumors.
In case you're wondering what she said that was so bad, I feel she deserves a punching, it's this: I forced her to have sex as a condition of staying at the apartment. The apartment I shared with my best friend who, despite the best friend label, would've turned me in in a heartbeat had he even briefly suspected that any impropriety was going on (you see, the military frowns on any kind of bad behavior you commit as well as the behavior of those you associate with).
The only good thing that came out of the pairing with Kathy.
Oedipal complex jokes aside (I was 24, she was 40-ish), she was every bit the girl of my dreams. Sexually insatiable. Intelligent. Sexually insatiable. Fun-loving. Sexually insatiable. She was truly concerned for my well-being (and not because she knew how crazy Kathy was). The things she said to me, I believed her. Wholeheartedly. I still do, but I digress...
Only one problem: Married! Welcome to swingerdom!!
Not that it mattered. Kathy was busy, Her hubby was busy, so we got busy. Over. and Over. And over again. It became a game, these marathon sessions, because she would have nothing less. And that is exactly how it continued for quite a while. Friends who occasionally fuck each other's brains out; there's nothing better.
But, unfortunately, all good things come to an end.
The main issue was that she lived 100 miles away from me (Damn Nebraska). Once I lost my car, visits weren't nearly as frequent. We still talked and occasionally saw each other, but then one day, the unthinkable happened.
Yep. That's right. The hubby rescinded his wish to swing. Monogamy in full effect.
In the end, that's the problem with the arrangement. You want to honor the wishes of your friend, but you still want to abuse a willing pussy. I hated it. She "says" that she hated it, but deep down I know she only said that to make me feel better. I tried to keep in contact, but I just felt weird calling, and even more so when he'd answer the phone.
Time: 4 yrs (non-continuous)
Current stat: I could pick up the phone and ask, but she'd be upset that I left without saying goodbye.
Sometimes it really is best to let things go, regardless of your feelings.
Also "the quickest relationship I've ever had".
And a relationship this quick deserves the same treatment of it's synopsis.
-friends of neighbors in an apartment building where everyone was just a bit too close for their own good (and i'll write about that later).
-current GF of dude I smoked out with
-they fought a lot. apparently he was fucking around on her (never confirmed).
-we started getting along.
-friend disappears for 2 wks, me and her get close
-get really crazed on super-concentrated coffee (don't ask) and have a sex-in-the-same-room party with two other friends (which was supposed to evolve into a full swap, but we didn't get there and the inflatable bed decided to not cooperate).
-THE NEXT DAY, it is finally confirmed that he did cheat on her. repeatedly. I'm at school when the revelation broke.
-She moves into new apt, I help her prepare it for living
-Word gets around that she's single(though not fucking really), and guys who claim to have had the hots for her since forever come out of the woodwork.
-One guy succeeds; turns out she had feelings for him too.
Time: ONE FUCKING MONTH. I shit you not.
Current stat: She got REALLY fat (unattractively so, and seeing I like the bigger females as well, that's saying a lot) and was(is) dating a guy who's related to the BF of my most recent ex's sister.
Out of the chaos and confusion of that apartment, emerged my second attempt at forever.
Petite. Cute. Kinda geeky, in a cute geek chick way. Oh, and obsessed with dick. Score yet another one for mee. She was in full-on "i'm yours" mode, and for a bit we were inseparable. Lots of sex (she didn't like kissing, but anything else was cool), and... well, not much else. You see, she was 20 when we hooked up. At the time, I was 27. You can all go fuck yourselves, I enjoyed every second of that tight little pussy, dammit! I counted the days, however, until I could take my petite little trophy to the nearest bar.
That day never came. Why? The condom broke.
Well, a year passes and nothing feels bad. In fact, it felt like we hadn't even been together for a month! I knew right then that my search was done. And then kid#2 was born.
All things being fair, a meteor should've hit me right then. That was perhaps the highest point in my life. From here, it was all downhill.
The first problem came once I wasn't able to go to school anymore. Jobs weren't plentiful there as it was, and now I have 2 mouths to feed. She was content on food stamps. I wasn't. A change of scenery was in order, so I packed up the van and moved back to Florida (where I'm at now).
...turns out she didn't want to leave.
The second problem came when I did get a job. Raising a child is tough. It really is a two-man job (or a one-woman job har har har now shut it you damn feminists). So imagine the resentment one faces when the other truly feels that you shouldn't have to work.
Ultimately, she hated it here. So she went home to visit. On her most recent visit (not long after she got here), she decided to not come back. She also decided to get knocked up by some ugly, hairy guy.
That would be the third problem. My indiscretions never resulted in the birth of a new life, but then she never had any intent of coming back anyway.
A sad end. And as a final kick in the nuts, I'm now about to wage a custody battle.
Time: 2 yrs
Current stat: Very pregnant, kid's terrorizing her, she's causing strife with her sis, and generally hates her life. The only good part? She gets all the dick she wants (sometimes from different sources).
12)Miss N (still too recent, so no real names)
A case study in "you fucked up, dood".
Still reeling from Nebraska as a whole, I resolved myself to not get into anything serious until I got my shit together. Fate, being the sadistic bitch she is, decided to introduce Ms.N to me right now. She was the classic angel in public/devil in private (Lucrecia who?) that we guys strive for, die for, kill for. Devoted in every way. Down for whateva, and eyes singularly focused on the prize. Ambition, baby; it's not just sexy to you women, we dig it as well.
So how did I fuck this one up? Easy. I told perfection that she was perfect, but I wasn't ready for a relationship.
Here's the fucked-up part: Nothing could've been further from the truth. I was scared she'd see the slacker beneath the conqueror and move on to someone who more matched her desires. She would end up doing so, but did it because of me. In the end, I sabotaged it from word one.
See? This is why Skuld gets the choking. Seriously.
Time: 4 1/2 mos
Current stat: Refer to "All Apologies" post.
13)Ms.A (another one who gets protective treatment)
Let's see. Still reeling over the dumping by Ms.N. Can't even hide it. Enter into work every day feeling (and looking) like my best friend and my dog just got hit by a train. Fortunately, my friends at work were there to notice and... well that's about it.
Everyone, that is, except her.
To be fair, Ms.A had her own issues with her relationship. The dood was(is) an ass and is very controlling. She doesn't like it, but she loves him (STAAAND BYYY YOUR MAAAAAN). But, apparently, he did one fuck-up too many and she decided she'd finally had enough. Who does she run to? Me. I accept her with open arms, and the rest is history.
I'll let you in on the history.
I've made no secret about my feelings for her since the beginning. So when she finally came to me, you better fucking believe there was some sex involved. At the time, I was thinking that "this is only the beginning, yess", and she said something to that effect as well.
But things weren't meant to end that way. Why? 'cuz Fate is a cunt.
She breaks the news to the guy, and he doesn't take it well. He tries to stay over at her place and talk to her (which incensed me) but is (at first) unsuccessful. The next day, it hits her that she and him are over... and she's unconsolable. Yeah, you can imagine what this is doing to my ego, but anyway, I leave her (mistake) and go pay bills. I return to find her preparing to find the asshole and beg him to take her back. Apparently she never intended to leave him, and that what we shared was a mistake.
TKO. Down for the count.
Time: 3 days
Current stat: On a night out, I called at 2am. Seeing as we did this all the time (she works until 11pm), i thought no problem.
I get a call the next day. Apparently, to get back with him, she told him that she no longer talked, associated, anything with me.
Obviously, that was a lie.
So she's angry now. I put 6 and 9 together: He was there when I called and I'm still in her contact list on her phone.
I said I wouldn't call anymore. She was flipping out, stating I should've known, etc. She hung up and hasn't called since.
I'm sorry, ladies. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to make you cry, but tonight I'm cleaning out my closet.
... I need room for some new skeletons.