In a blissful state of ignorance.  

rm_JustinSubATL 56M
3 posts
3/24/2006 6:08 pm

Last Read:
3/24/2006 6:10 pm

In a blissful state of ignorance.

I had my first sexual experience at the age of 16. He was 35. At 18 when the second time rolled around, she was 19. I remember those two experiences most vividly. I believe it was because it was the first time I had homo sex and the first time I had hetro sex. Today, at 46 I think back and wonder who I really was all those years.

Today, I'm married to a wonderful woman. We have had our ups and downs, but I feel the reason we are together was I was mostly honest with her from the start. It was on our third date I told her I was bisexual. So she knows and I don't have to hide who I am, mostly.

Looking back over the 30 years of sexual encounters with both men and women, I have a revalation to share with myself and my wife.

I'm gay.

Does this change my marriage, I don't think so, I still love my wife dearly, but I'm just not satisfied with hetro sex. I've done such stupid things as imagine I'm with a man when I'm with my wife sexually, why didn't I realize before now who or what I really was?

I think the things that drew me to a hetrosexual long term relationship was the fact that homosexual men are so mentally fucked up. Hell, maybe straight men too. But after dating a man years before I met my wife, I found that experience significantly more chilling than the lack of understanding I have for how a woman thinks.

So what's the point. I think it's absolutely amazing how life drags us from point to point based on the people we meet in it. The fact is people affect us, drive us, push us and ultimately force us to make decisions, many times, without our spending the time to consider what should have been or could have been.

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