|Blogs > rm_JohnMacLaine > Expanding My Reality|
Part two - One day later...
Part two - One day later...
I will continue my rant, my reflection, and my look at the inner self of me, the follower, the soon to be leader among men and in life. Sorry I did not post last night somethihg called Wrestlemania got in the way (yes I watch Wrestling) and I was unable to post before having to go to bed.
I got a hint of just how long this road is going to be for me over the next few months. I have to overcome a lot of anxieties and fears in order to get where I need to be in not only my professional career, but in life in general. As I said in my previous post, I work in sales, and to give you a hint, I only had three for the entire month of March, the worst numbers I have put up in two years in this business. I feel I have to go back to the drawing board and start fresh. I have to look inside myself and find what it is I am missing when it comes to making sales. If anyone tells you that at 39 it is easy to change habits, fears, normal activities, and just all around reflex actions, they are wrong.
Sunday, I was ready, I was focused, I was gung ho to sell a car. I had several opportunities to talk to someone, yet I decided to let someone else take them. Now this is a prime example as to why I have not been successful. I cant explain it, I dont have a clue, it just happened. I have to discover why I did what I did, or should I say, what I did not do, then attack that fear, and overcome it. It may sound silly, but the fact I am writing this on a site where thousands of people can see it, should be a major first step in overcoming it. I have to focus, I have to prepare, and need to just go forward.
I have thought about prayer, I have asked for advice from co-workers. I have gotten into such a funk that I feel as if I will never come out of it. I want to be the example, I want to be the cornerstone of the dealership, now all I need is a direction, and I have to find that inside of myself. Needless to say folks, I am a mess, and my stress level is going through the roof. I dont usually bare all of my personal problems to the world, but I feel that if I write them down I can begin to move forward. Please dont consider me weak, I just have to get all of this out or I am going to explode. I am sitting here in my small apartment, headphones on, music going, with a Crown and coke in one hand, and yes I have fallen off the wagon, a ciggarette in the other....
I have asked advice from my fellow co-workers, I have taken what they have suggested to heart and will try and use what they say. Relax, go with the flow, you know the usual encouragement. No one person has the secret, the one thing that will change me around, it is a combination of several things. It has been said that an alcoholic can not change until he realizes and admits that he has a problem. I have been sitting with blinders on thinking that my problems will just go away if I ignore them. Well we all know that is just not true. so I have made the first step, I have admitted I have a problem, so now I have to move forward one day at a time, changing my habits, focusing on the prize, setting goals, and writing them down.
This may also sound like a sob story, may make me appear like the poster child for underachievement, or quite possibly the most negative person on this site, but I know I have to change some things about how I go about my day to day life and I am determined to overcome whatever I have to in order to be successful. I have failed at almost everything I have ever tried, whether it be love, marriage, carer, school, whatever, but I have to pick myself up off of the ground, realize that it can only get better, and move on...
I anm not defeated, I refuse to be down, but the stress is getting to me. I know smoking again is not going to make things better, but for now, it helps to calm my nerves.
will continue daily to keep a record of how I am doing both physicaly and emotionally.
Thank you all for listening...
"I can retain neither respect or affection for a government which has been moving from wrong to wrong in order to defend its own immorality" Mahatma Ghandi
4/4/2006 10:40 am
Just believe in yoursefl, i know, i know easier said than done. I am glad you are writing about it, just putting those thoughts down will help.|