What kind of girl are you anyway?  

rm_JocelynRenee 54T
51 posts
8/30/2005 9:41 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

What kind of girl are you anyway?

So, what kind of girl are you anyway? Hmmm...I've been dressing in some form for 31 years, but it's only now that I can confidently assert that I am a bisexual transvestite. I've "graduated" from being a cross dresser as dressing is no longer purely a turn on. As much as I enjoy the sexuality of a pair of panties, I get even more pleasure from the freedom of going about mundane, everyday tasks as a girl. If I could, I would love to spend several straight days as Jocelyn. But no more than that at one time; I'd miss my male self. I love being a man, a father, and a husband. So, I don't think I'll ever graduate to TS status and that leaves me just a little sad.

I've had people assert that I just don't have the courage to make the jump and face the societal pressure. But remember, you're talking to a person that chucked everything on a whim and moved with no destination, no job, and no friends; a person who a couple of years later emptied his bank account with a child and a pregnant wife to start a new business; a person who is the product of a mixed-race marriage (black/white) and lived in Watts during the race riots. Courage to follow my convictions, take chances, and buck society is not something I lack (thanks Mom!). Nope, I'm confident that I've reached the level that's right for me. Don't get me wrong, it's been a long journey, punctuated by periods of fear and doubt. Thankfully, I didn't have to make the whole journey alone. I've had loads of loving support from my wife and a few close friends and that has made all the difference for me.

Straight, bi, or something else? Gosh, I've read so many definitions over the years, even I'm confused. Everybody has their own definitions so I'll leave it up to you to decide. I absolutely adore women. I love the way they feel, their smell, their softness. But Jocelyn only has sisterly affection for women; not lust. Jocelyn does feel lust for men though, and she desires to feel them inside her. If, God forbid, something were to happen to my wife, I could see myself occasionally dating a man. But when it came time to settle down, it would be with a woman; I'm just more emotionally compatible with women. And that fact means hot times with men are limited.

My first same sex experiences were with a gay man that my wife introduced me to. He was not into Jocelyn so we were together as guys numerous times over a summer a few years back. I eventually ended it because he was developing feelings that I was not going to be able to reciprocate and it simply wasn't fair to him. We remain friends, but I regret putting him through that. One should never play with another's feelings. So, that leaves bisexual men and "straight" men looking for discrete affairs. Well, I'm intensely put off by self-identified "straight" men coming onto me. I dunno, maybe I shouldn't be. It strikes me as a bit disingenuous though. After all, under the makeup, I'm a guy....doesn't that make them, at the very least, bisexual? I'm also not that excited by the prospect of jumping in the sack with anyone who would be embarrassed to be seen with me outside of the bedroom. Guys who label themselves bisexual should be perfect, but they're not the most common species on the planet, are they?

So that leaves me with great sex with my wife and fantasies of the perfect man for Jocelyn. All in all, not a bad proposition.

Next time, what's Jocelyn's dream guy like?

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