My Life - Part 1  

rm_JocelynRenee 54T
51 posts
8/29/2005 11:01 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

My Life - Part 1

I've been contemplating starting a blog here for several days. On one hand, I think it's a great resource to get to know the person behind the ad; on the other hand I wonder if I'll post much due to work demands or just plain laziness. Time will tell...

First I guess an introduction and some background are in order. I was born in March of 1962 and have been cross dressing to one degree or another since I was about 12. Like most of us gurlz, I guess the initial attraction was the silky feel of women's underwear. Throughout my teen years my cross dressing experiences remained a fetish, consisting mostly of wearing panties, stockings, and heels. I always had a love/hate relationship with this side of my personality. The desire was always so strong, but afterwards I felt guilty and disgusted with myself. I also was laboring under the impression that I was the only male in the entire history of the world that ever took pleasure in wearing a pair of panties. It seems silly now, but that thought honestly added immeasurably to my feelings of guilt.

In my early twenties I discovered the world of online bulletin boards (this was before AO and was thrilled to discover that I was not alone. I spent hours everyday reading board postings and chatting online. After several months, I began finding myself thinking about going to "the next level" and completely dressing up with makeup and a wig. Dressing up for the first time was a revelation for me. As I looked in the mirror I recognized that a part of me had been missing my whole life.

By this time I was becoming more settled with the fact that Jocelyn was a part of my life. I still didn't know exactly how "she" fit into my life, especially considering friends/girlfriends, but I no longer had such intense guilty feelings. Other than some online friends, I kept Jocelyn a secret from the rest of the world. Juggling a long-term relationship, school, and work made it difficult to indulge my desires, but I managed to dress often and keep it a secret for a number of years. Eventually my relationship ended - badly, although Jocelyn was still a secret. So, for the first time since I was 16, I found myself not dating anyone.

On a whim, I packed everything I owned into my car and started driving south; no plan, just decided to drive until something told me to stop. I ended up in Jacksonville, FL, landed a terrific job, and set about living by myself for the first time in my life. It was great, Jocelyn still remained a secret, but I could dress anytime I wanted. I loved it! Being able to do ordinary things as Jocelyn - wash clothes, cook, clean, watch TV - was so liberating. For a little over a year I stayed single and dressed every moment I could. After a year I started to miss West Virginia tremendously. Walking around in shorts in January is nice, but the oppressive humidity of summer and the lack of seasons sucked. So, I decided it was time to go home and restart my love life.

I had only been home about a month when I first saw my future wife. I was walking down the street and she was sitting on her front porch and said, "hello." I looked at her and immediately knew I was going to marry her. We exchanged a few pleasantries - "nice weather" etc. - and I went on my way. Still, I knew our paths would cross again. Several months later I landed my dream job, setting up the first desktop publishing center in West Virginia; a perfect way to combine my love for computers with my interest in design. One day I stopped in a nearby convenience store and there she was again; this time with someone who was obviously her boyfriend. And again, a small voice told me she would be my future wife. We didn't speak this time and I'm not sure she even noticed or recognized me. A few more months went by. I dated a few times, but my heart really wasn't in it. Then one day she walked into our shop and applied for a job...and I knew for sure we would one day be married. That was 14 years, 3 kids, several snakes, lizards, and dogs ago - and I've absolutely cherished every last minute of it.

Well, that takes us up to about 30 years old...I'm gonna save the rest for another day...stay tuned!

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