There are some things about women I don't get at all?  

rm_James20910 52M
182 posts
1/21/2006 6:15 am

Last Read:
7/10/2006 10:05 pm

There are some things about women I don't get at all?

OK...I've been hanging out with a female friend I met on AdultFriendFinder for a couple of weeks. We've become pretty good friends and we're enjoying benefits which is cool. I wanted more but that wasn't in the cards.

Anyway, she came over late last night to have one of those late night deep conversation and boink sessions. In the conversation phase of the evening, much wine was consumed, and in our drunken condition she revealed something disturbing--she was still pining for an old lover she hadn't seen for 10 years. Her description of the man wasn't even all that flattering--he was and is still married, he'd call her at the last minute for sex, they didn't talk about anything, and he sounded like a bum lay and a royal ass.

But she she still loves him?

Isn't that a kick in the ass?

I know I'm not the most handsome guy in valley. I think I have more than a couple of braincells to rub together. I do have a couple of talents that makes me pretty good company. Sometimes I'm even funny...not often mind you, and if you aren't in the mood, I can even be pretty annoying. But I don't have much baggage and I'm one of those manly guys. It just amazes me that the nicer I am to a woman, the more they seem to pine for some asshole from the past--and it seems to be a pattern.

And even after the confession, she still wanted and did "f' my brains out." She likes to say and do that to me.

Weird...very, very weird.


sassybelle21 32F
13313 posts
1/21/2006 6:49 am

Nobody's perfect. Sometimes some people, both men and women, can only manage to find their perfect person in somebody who's already taken or married.


Babel__Fish 45F

1/21/2006 7:43 am

Well, just count yourself lucky that you have made a connection here on AF.F and enjoy it while you can. I myself did not pine of men in my past, do I think about them YES but not pine.

I do not think that many women are like this toward most men but then again *looks in pants* I am not a man.


rm_James20910 52M
316 posts
1/21/2006 8:06 am

    Quoting sassybelle21:
    Nobody's perfect. Sometimes some people, both men and women, can only manage to find their perfect person in somebody who's already taken or married.
Yeah Sassy,

I get that. I just don't get that people seem more taken with people that take from them, than those that give to them.

I think I'm about to keep the friendship with this woman, but stop sleeping with her because I don't like being a stand-in for desires she has for somebody else.

I really miss that feeling of being filled up when I make love with a woman that has secret smile just for me. Right now, I just feel sort of spent.


rm_James20910 52M
316 posts
1/21/2006 8:15 am

    Quoting rm_deelushess:
    LOL James.
    You're hardly one to question a woman having another interest. Your profile says what is commonly known about most man....that you are not an exclusive dater.
    Then again, you questioning her is also very common about a lot of men...you still want to imagine your love interest(s) are ONLY into you.
    Ah well...just give yourself the same advise we women have to think about, to enjoy her while you're with her (sounds like you do), and if you want a monogamous woman, be a monogamous man. It's a start anyways.

    d
I'm monogomous by nature. I've had these experiences recently and don't judge others...and I don't judge because it just seems irrelevant to judge anybody on their sexual activity.

I'm probably to vanilla for this site, but I miss being in love.

Oh well...I guess I'll have to leave it up to the fates, light another cigarette and see where the next path takes me. I prefer to command the path, but it seems there are some things not entirely in my hands.


007sexy40plus 50F  
7603 posts
1/21/2006 8:26 am

I am sorry for you in this regard. But if she doesnt really want you and uses u as a stand in why would you want to remain friends? I ask that because If you keep someone you have been intimate with in the past, each time she feels the need to get laid she will use you to fill her desire knowing that she dont really want you and it will only keep building your hope up that it is more when it really does nothing but hurt you in the end.

This is not a judgment towards you only an observation as to how some friendships are in others minds. Dont let her keep using you for sex when her heart may be somewhere else, its not fair to you or the person who has her heart.

Some may say I sound like a hypocrit, but I know the pain of loving someone and they didnt give a damn about me.

I am the real deal! "Come Get Me!!!"


Thangz 44F

1/21/2006 9:06 am

I agree with you deelushess, somewhat. Why is it that men WANT something and then get it and dont want that anymore? ... They CLAIM they want this or that and once its theirs JUST HOW THEY PROFESSED to WANT it ... they want to change the rules. Not only that but to get upset when SHE throws something else into the mix and he is trying to change the already set pattern of their relationship? ...

Best advice is to be certain of what you DO want and stand by it so that at least then there are no surprises when you receive it. If you want love then wait for that. If you want to fuck then any pussy should do and give'r go hard ... but be honest with yourself if not the rest of the world on what you want first.


FeistySyn 51F

1/21/2006 1:09 pm

Almost afraid to reply here... I am as guilty as James is for having sex without being in love.... aren't we all though? Who can really say they have *never* had sex with someone without being in love with that person .... and if they can, WHAT the HECK are they doing on this website???!!!!

If I only had sex when I was "in love", I would have had sex maybe 3 times in my entire life.... so now that we are bending the rules, does infatution count? How about a mutual agreement we like each other and need our animal lusts fulfilled more than once a decade? and so it goes... where do you draw the line?

Kudos to James for being so honest and upfront about... judge not unless you are ready to be judged as well... is your "playground" really all that clean? .... mine sure isn't ... but I do believe I have always been honest.

Apparently the depth of depravity here is bottomless... don't you feel right at home?
~~~~~


rm_RemBase 49F
15 posts
1/23/2006 11:23 pm

Hmm. Relationships of true equality are infinitely rare, IMO.

Better to strive for one of complementary balance - everyone brings different things to each and every relationship (be it friend, family, lover, sex slave, what have you)...hopefully each come with at least a baseline understanding of what each wants out of it, or develops that understanding through time, and eventually, one another's strengths support each other's weaknesses, and the paired relationship is stronger than the two parts. (Again, ideally, whether in friendship, partnership, lover, what have you.)

Do you consider yourself to have a limit to your capacity for love? For lust? For passion? Or can you make room for the idea that you (or more to the point, she) may be able to have those feelings in quantity enough share with more than one person? What is the concern - that she will drop you if he comes back in her life and you will have "wasted" all your time, despite your obvious enjoyment of the time spent? That she may be hurt by what you perceive of as bad choices (hers to make, as an adult, who needs to live and learn from her own life experiences)? That she's thinking of someone else while "f'ing your brains out?" Is it worry that you're competing with someone you've already decided has less merit than you? Yet, she's in YOUR arms, for mutual pleasure.

If you started out wanting something more than she, then aren't you being betrayed by your expectations, not by her circumstances?

Ugh...in my late night rambling, this probably sounds very preachy...not the intent. More philosophizing is all, but it's not flowing as well as I'd hoped - must be the tension in my shoulders tonight! <grin>
-R


rm_James20910 52M
316 posts
1/24/2006 4:37 am

    Quoting rm_RemBase:
    Hmm. Relationships of true equality are infinitely rare, IMO.

    Better to strive for one of complementary balance - everyone brings different things to each and every relationship (be it friend, family, lover, sex slave, what have you)...hopefully each come with at least a baseline understanding of what each wants out of it, or develops that understanding through time, and eventually, one another's strengths support each other's weaknesses, and the paired relationship is stronger than the two parts. (Again, ideally, whether in friendship, partnership, lover, what have you.)

    Do you consider yourself to have a limit to your capacity for love? For lust? For passion? Or can you make room for the idea that you (or more to the point, she) may be able to have those feelings in quantity enough share with more than one person? What is the concern - that she will drop you if he comes back in her life and you will have "wasted" all your time, despite your obvious enjoyment of the time spent? That she may be hurt by what you perceive of as bad choices (hers to make, as an adult, who needs to live and learn from her own life experiences)? That she's thinking of someone else while "f'ing your brains out?" Is it worry that you're competing with someone you've already decided has less merit than you? Yet, she's in YOUR arms, for mutual pleasure.

    If you started out wanting something more than she, then aren't you being betrayed by your expectations, not by her circumstances?

    Ugh...in my late night rambling, this probably sounds very preachy...not the intent. More philosophizing is all, but it's not flowing as well as I'd hoped - must be the tension in my shoulders tonight! <grin>
    -R
As always, you bring some clarity to the issue.

I'm enjoying the friendship, companionship and even the great boinks.

I have no moral issue with great boinks.

I only have one small complaint and it's not a biggie. When I'm with somebody, I'm with them without baggage that constrains my capacities for intimacy, even if that intimacy is that of the moment. Confronted by somebody that does have these constraints makes me feel less satisfied with the event. I then tend to devolve into technically great sex and discount the emotional components. And I find the emotional components, even in a FWB context, to be integral to an overall fantastic sexual experience.


rm_RemBase 49F
15 posts
1/24/2006 3:46 pm

Define "baggage" for me? It's such a negatively weighted term.

We all come to all our interactions with the weight of our past experiences. Some of us keep it in more compact suitcases than others, but nonetheless, it's there...why do we or don't we enjoy given acts? Why does something that turns one person on, not do so for another? It's not always baggage in the sense of excess carry-ons, sometimes it's a utility belt for successful living...and sometimes, in the rare and wonderful instances, that which IS mere excess baggage, can be released by interactions with new and interesting people.

Me, I think we all come with baggage. It's how we handle it that makes the difference.
-R


rm_leah_43 54F

1/24/2006 9:42 pm

Plus, everybody already forgotten - she was drunk! She did not remember anything she said next day - and you should forget that too.
If you like what you have - continue and enjoy what you have together.


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