Falling........in love!!??  

rm_JUSTsex4me 36F
157 posts
2/23/2006 6:11 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Falling........in love!!??

No, lol, this post does not pertain to me.....I don't fall easily and frankly, I'm already in love....even if it isn't a perfect love, it's an uncondidtional and enduring one.

But, I was thinking about this for a day or so now. I have no idea why I've been on the subject of love, just a phase I'm going through. Rest assured that this phase will end soon enough.

Anyway! Here it is. How long do you truly think it takes to fall in love? I'm not talking lust here. I don't give a shit how good he is in the sack or how well he can eat your pussy or even how shitfaced and crazy you get when you go out together. I mean love. Do you seriously think that it's possible for this to happen in a few days? a few weeks? a few months? Because I don't. I see the L word thrown around so much....a simple love ya and women are falling all over themselves and professing their love for a man they barely know. I think that to know if you truly love a person you have to:

1. live with them! No, not have them spend the night for sex and then leave in the mornin'. Actually share a home with this person for quite a while to make sure you love them and that it isn't physical attraction (or lust) that you're confusing for love.

2. Know their secrets. No you will never know everything, but you should be pretty damn close to cleaning all those skeletons out of their closet (and yours).

3. Spend time getting to know each other. Moaning, "Yes! That's right! Don't Stop!!!", doesn't count as quality "getting to know each other" time. Take a few weeks, hell even take a month, to talk. No sex....just conversation. This will help you know if it is just lust and not love. When one, or both, of you lose interest after a week without sex then you know that it was purely physical and you were no more than a piece of ass.

Now, I do not profess to know all about love because I don't. I'm young but I know a thing or two. I have a friend who thinks that she's fallen head over heels for a guy that she's know for 3 months that have been nothing but sex and bars. Yes...he spends the night every now and then, but why does he spend the night? You guessed it.....they haven't spent one night together, at home, alone, and not had sex. I think that she's so blinded by his penis, looks, and charm that she doesn't see that he does not love her, she was a piece of ass that was convenient and may be convenient when he comes around in the future.

I'm not judging based on assumption alone. I know this guy. Hell, I had sex with him. I mean, he used to throw me those little "love ya's" but I knew, and he knew I knew, that was his way of saying, hey we're friends and thanks for the ass. He is a nice guy but definitely a womanizer. And, hey, I like this girl. She's a sweetheart but this guy comes with baggage...in the form of a wife. He isn't going to leave his wife, he just doesn't get any from her. I thought this girl would have figured that out by now but she hasn't. I've known her forever and I consider her a true friend that I could count on, but I don't want to see her hurt.

But....not the point of this post. How long do you think it takes to develop a true and lasting love?

angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
2/23/2006 7:54 pm

A minute....and a lifetime. But it's worth the time it takes, don't you think?

sassybelle21 32F
13313 posts
2/23/2006 8:12 pm

Sometimes it's instant. It's just hard to say, really!! I don't even have a quantitative answer for you because I don't know for sure.

herringje 40M

2/23/2006 8:18 pm

well i need to sy firs is hi and how are you all i can say i have to agree with you love is used way to much and it is a crock so not that it happens to me much or i will let it happen to me much but well all i can say is do you ever really know someone 100% when you fall in love with them do you think they will tell you every little secrete they have i dont and that is my opin so many people fall in love and get burned down the road from the one thing the other hid from them and ass far as 1 2 3 i agreee so much and as for your friend it happens way to much that way i can not understand why a girl would put everything out there and noing deep down he is lying like hell and he damages her for life even from those of us who addore her everything what she does why how well she does everything and how much fun she is and we could have but like i said she got burned and will not give the next honest man a chance even after years and she has been around me especialy working side by side for at least a year sorry for rambleing i will close for now

elysianpleasure 47M

2/23/2006 11:35 pm

I think your list may be a test of love... but has nothing to do with the state of being in love and falling in love. Part of the problem is the word love means so much. So what meaning of love are we trying to measure. The Greeks had 4 or 5 words that cover our word love. The people I truly love... I loved almost immeidately... and it build and strengthen through time and experience and situations together. True love builds, withstands, and doesn't just fade away.

rm_JUSTsex4me 36F
185 posts
2/24/2006 1:49 pm

angel~ definitely worth the time it takes, but I tend to be one of those who do not believe in the whole "love at first sight" thing. I think to know if you are truly in love takes time, more than months, and cant be based on how good a person makes you feel in bed.

sassy~ to each their own, but I don't believe in instantaneous love one bit. I think that "love at first sight" is simply lusting after the physical qualities of another person.

herring~ thanks for stopping by and yes, I completely agree that the word "love" is thrown around too freely these days.

Mzhuny~ you've graced me with your presence and wisdom of course. I have to go back on the post. I'm not sure you can put a time frame on falling in love, but I do not think it's something that can happen in a few months. It takes time for those strong feelings to develop.

Elysian~ Yes, 1, 2, and 3 may be more of tests of love and not a way to "rate" it, if you will. And, yes, there are so many kinds of love. I love my son a different way than I love my father. I love my father in a different way than I would love a friend. I love the man in my life in a different way than I would love a friend. And, finally, I love myself in a different way than I would love any of the above. The kind of love I'm referring to is the kind of love you have for the partner, whether it be boyfriend or husband, girlfriend or wife, that you spend your life with. And I do not think that kind of love can be known in a few short months of nothing but sex and partying.

rm_JUSTsex4me 36F
185 posts
2/27/2006 10:24 pm

hey girl, nice to see you back. I do take it easy on her but I hate to see her hurt out of all of this. Sometimes I think she still lives in a fairy tale and she's the type to fall in love with a man after one romp in the bedroom. Hopefully she'll get past this current "phase" fast.

stargazerjedi 46M
46 posts
6/9/2006 9:37 pm

Greeks used to have 10 different words to refer to love. Ten !
Now we only have one and we obviously make a mess every time.

I think a better name for what you are saying is "deep affection". Kind of like when you really feel inside that you REALLY CARE for someone, and that you will put an effort to make her happy no matter what. Even if it's not with you. Kind of similar to friendship but much more intense. And you are right that takes some time to develop.

"Romantic Love" is, to me at least, a DRIVE, like hunger but much more powerful, it's when you spend every moment thinking about her, you are focus on every little thing she said, and you get huge mood swings depending on how much attention you received in the last three hours, and you decide that you WANT her in your life forever no matter what, even if it costs you an arm and a leg and everything else, because nothing else really matters anymore.

Luckily this does not last too long otherwise one couldn't have a functional life anymore once he falls in love....

If you get lucky it actually is gradually replaced by some form of affection ...

And by the way, yes, "romantic love" and "affectionate love" as well as "lust" can occur at the same time, while it is not necessary so. In fact one can feel affection for one person, total love for another, and have wild sex with yet another one.

In my experience however, "romantic love" is by far the most powerful feeling of the two (three) so it usually eclipses the others ...

well let me know what do you guys think.

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