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If you have been tangled with someone on the side( and I know there are those out there that are), I have to wonder if this question ever comes up while things are going on.
Can you Walk away? I mean when you connect to someone, can you love them? Can you keep your emotions contained until the next meeting? Can you (If the times comes) move on to the next affair from the one you just left? Because there is no shine to the partner you have been enjoying?
Is there a fear of becoming too attached to the one you are playing with?
These thoughts are a thing I have been mulling over.
Not because I am bored with the Woman I have been seeing, but because I keep seeing how this whole thing could just simply end. And I am not really worried about it, but rather, I am wondering about the other person I am seeing if this has crossed her mind. Can she be so enamored by me that she loses sight of her obligations outside our interludes?
My case in point is a couple I ran into last night and only talked with for a brief moment. But I continueed watching them. They were for the most part talking about how they were so happy together, and she more than him was so set on him it was too difficult to see if she was thinking clearly. He was a bit difficult to deal with and from the other people who know them more than I do it was hard to have a conversation with him being "inappropriate." So I was talking to them and realized that the guy involved was in fact gazing across the Mall as we talked. It was subtle,( but I'm always looking myself ) so I was wondering if he was looknig for the same reason I was. To catch something that may be a compromise to my discreet meetings ahead of time and act acordingly. I wasn't sure with him but he was looking everywhere and with a speed that indicated lots of practice.
Yet the Gal with him was blind to this and his behaviour that I almost felt sorry for her.
She later confided in a mutual friend that she was not sure if she was able to handle this guy and she suspected she was on a list of women to woo. (Am I surprised?)
So now I am compelled to educate her. Not tell on him but just show her how to look for things that maybe trouble and act accordingly. I may not. but I am getting too serious today and so I am like my first blog trying to get this all off my chest.
I will admit a bigger issue is still brewing in my mind.
Can I walk away from this woman if I need to? Can I Love her? Can I feel for her and is she endeavors elsewhere, can I do so(walk away) without being "jealous"?
The relevance to the couple and my other issues on my mind is plain to me but I will write it out a little more because I am too cryptic sometimes for my own good:
She is seeing him and is ignoring the bad qualities and trying to hang on to the good ones in hopes he'll "come around".
I think I am hoping I can Love my angel, and hang on to what makes me feel so good and hope it'll come around. To what? I don't know, but I have only read about those long term love afairs that stories (bestsellers mind you) are written about.
Sometimes I am lookning for a sign and I got one yesterday. It started raining whilst I was driving home from my last meeting with the Woman I call my angel. She is my muse and I have been writing here and on my Piano again because of her. I felt free again and I was trying to see why I could feel so good about it.
It started raining.
The sky poured rain for awhile. and I tookit to be my answer. I needed to feel everything. Finding, Having, loss.
My muse, as the greek goddess counterparts, are there only for a while to inspire. Perhaps this is what the artisans of old felt as they were seduced by those muses and created things of great beauty and genius. maybe.
So for her I know I must be able to walk away, and I feel I will when the need arises, but then again I ask you, reader.
Can you walk away?