When too and when not  

rm_GTBA 53M
0 posts
9/4/2005 1:08 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

When too and when not

This is just one of my recent stumbling blocks I have come across and am in somewhat a state of indeciveness.

I will start by letting you know I have for the most part been completely out of the dating circut for the last 4 years now and have done alot of soul seaching in that time to develope a understanding of who I am, have been, and want to be in the time I have left here on this earth. The majority of my adult life, (and juvinielle as far as that goes) I have lived life to its fullest. Pretty much looking at everyday as if it might be my last and not really thinking too in depth about the outcome nor the way my habbits may make me look in others eyes. I started my sexual journey at what mot would consider a very young age(10). I moved out of my large family setting at 15 years old and like always never looked back. I never had any trouble with lack of women in my life, in fact quite the opposite, I always seemed to have the blessing of them seeming to be in my life even without any effort or concious thought. They came to me , as opposed to me haveing to find them. And as what some would cal a curse it seemed to develope an extreme case of moral perspective and appreciation for the women themselves or the blessings I had recieved by never haveng to consider being alone, nor having to experience going trough the dating game,(for lack of better phrase).

Well that being the case s it was is hat bring me to my tribulations I have been going through most recently. I have come to a point in life in which I am now finding myself wanting to have someone in my life to share all the experiences together, and I am also now for the first time actually knowledged with enough wisdom and experience from my own trial and error, to be someone who knows how too, and knows what to do when it comes to being what I would consider a true blessing to and for someone. The Irony of it all is that all my life when I didn't have a clue in knowing how to treat a mate, nor even actually care all that much, I was blessed again and again with the opportunity of having somene there who anted to love me and be a part of my life. And time and time again I squandled it away without even realizing what I actually had to begin with. And now I find the complete opposite to be the case. I can't seem to have the MOJO nor the tolerance to endure or even recognize the blessing of someone I can consider ever becoming my soul mate.I'm not into the club scene like I used to be, and I often find myself being WAY TO PICKY, and most of all I don't find the opportunities coming to my forefront without effort like I had become so accustomed to in my past. In fact I find myself not knowing if Im to put a whole lot of credence to it all and just consider this whole ordeal, nothing but a chicken wing. The simple things I took for such granit, like picking up the phone and calling her, or not even thinking twice about asking her to dance, seem now like a huge mildstone to concur. I am constantly finding myself wondering if I will even recognize When too and When not too.

All I do know is even considering how easy living single has become for me, and how few thins I have to deal within lfe because of me being single, I more often then less find myself thinking if I ever will find that special someone, or worse yet, knowing who she is if I ever do find her. About the only thing I do know for sure is, I will never give up on hope and never take anything or anyone for granit again. And I will always appreciate the wonderful things I have had and do have and keep on praying for that someone special to come into my life so she can enjoy the same pleasure in life as I have and do...

Am I dealing with something that abnormal or have any of you experienced the same tpe of issues? If so feel ree to let me know ow it turned out or better yet how you overcame that stigma I have beenxperiencing myself...


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