Ladies...Living in someone else's shadow  

rm_FUQANDUS2 42M/43F
65 posts
11/15/2005 7:28 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Ladies...Living in someone else's shadow


Just want to know if any of the ladies out there have ever had to "live in someone else's shadow" or the linger of the memory of another woman...some days it is tough and some days it is easy...today would be a tough day...often I feel like "how do I measure up"?...what to do...what to do?

alexzia 39F

11/15/2005 9:10 am

Yes in fact I am dealing with that in my relationship now. My boyfriend was married for 5 years.. a stay at home dad. Took care of his four kids while his wife raked in 90k a year. His wife decided to leave him, took his two beautiful daughters and forced his sons to go back to their mother (his previous relationship) and threw him in jail for stalking for a year. (stalking via phone if you can believe... they lived in two different cities... ) Now shes coming after him for $700 a month child support for two children... and at the time he only made $1300.00 a month. (No wonder he wants to commit suicide.) She is very beautiful, thin, and makes good money... the complete package to quote him myself. The worse part is I know that if she ever said... hey lets get back together... he would probably go running back. Just the other day he was talking to his daughter on the phone and he was in tears. I know because he misses his life he had. Unfortunately, I dont make near what she makes and at the moment we have to live with his parents. Our situation is dismal at best really. I told him, I cant be her.. I cant give you your life back, but I can try and help you through the hard times with the love I have for you. OH and he has her name tattooed on his back... so everytime he rolls over,,,, I have to see her name ....


rm_FUQANDUS2 42M/43F

11/15/2005 10:38 am

alexzia...my situation is very different and very unique compared to yours...mine is more of a "I caught him before he had a chance to actually perform the act of cheating" deal...and now we are trying to "reglue" everything back together and one way or another she always seems to find her way back in...I know it is because I let her (whether it be through a memory, a comment, a dream or a nasty little email she has sent)...I always find myself wondering...why I didn't notice sooner and why was she able to hold his interest so much more than me or what does she have that I didn't...there are days I wish I never found out just so that I don't have the memory of her...then there are days that I am glad I did...someone from here just recently told me she got married...good for her...maybe now she will stay out of my marriage....
But thanks for stopping by...my heart goes out to you and I wish you the best of luck!


smackyman 46M
3844 posts
11/18/2005 9:19 pm

As a guy, I feel that it is never right to bring up an ex wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/lover/etc. It's about as nice as saying 'yes honey, you do look fat it that dress.'
To put your partner at ease it's best to never refer to 'he/she used to do it this way that was great' or, 'I had a great time there with him/her on that trip'. I'm not suggesting that a person eliminate all memories of their life prior to their current relationship - but the current partner should never be made to feel inferior or that they are living in the shadow of the former partner...
Hopefully tomorrow won't be such a tough day...


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