Venus & Mars....  

rm_EveLWoman 55F
405 posts
2/19/2006 11:15 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Venus & Mars....

There are a million books that give relationship advice, most of them offering up the same stale suggestions and advice. These two books offer no sage wisdom or ‘how to’ information. They are each simply windows into the psyche of the ‘opposite‘ sex. Well written and entertaining, both books should be required reading for any man or woman who has ever asked the question: What the hell do men/women want?

The Bitch in the House: 26 Women Tell the Truth About Sex, Solitude, Work, Motherhood, and Marriage
by Cathi Hanauer

26 women mostly professional writers focus on the inner "bitch": the frustration, anger and rage that's never far from the surface of many women's lives. Women sound off on the difficult decisions of living with lovers, marrying, staying single and having children. Much of the book’s focus relates to the love vs. work problem and the struggle over the right to be a bitch for the sake of a higher goal (ones work) versus the feminine imperative to "make nice."

While some of this book’s unbridled rage is cathartic, it’s quieter moments provide food for thought, like one woman’s observation that she's "more equipped to handle the risks of loneliness than those of intimacy" or that "some compromises might actually be healthy,"

Some of this book will ring true for many readers. Others may just find it comforting to know that even smart, articulate, successful women can have deeply unsettled inner lives.

The Bastard On The Couch
27 Men Try Really Hard To Explain Their Feelings About Love, Loss, Fatherhood, And Freedom
by Daniel Jones

Jones (the above authors husband) offers the male version, wherein guys discuss how they feel about their standing in today's shifting cultural landscape. Jones notes, "The fact that women are in charge of their own birth control and reproduction may be a gigantic cultural shift, but I've yet to hear a single man complain about it."

Divided into sections on "Hunting and Gathering," "Can't Be Trusted With Simple Tasks," "Bicycles for Fish" and "All I Need," the essays vary from somewhat revelatory to unsurprising, but are all entertaining and well written.

While a man’s tale about being bossed around by his Type A wife notes that despite her "officious way," deep down, he know knows her fussiness is often necessary, other stories are more visceral. A story about the pain of divorce "Punching doors seems to help. Throwing phones through windows ain't bad either" manages to open a window into a place many women are pretty convinced doesn't exist: the male psyche.

While men may read this with a nodding head of recognition, women might find themselves surprised at how much about relationships men really do understand.

What have you read that ‘explains it all” ?
What would you make required reading for potential partners if you could?


ByteChaser2 52M

2/19/2006 12:47 pm

The instructions on the shampoo bottle! "Lather, Rinse, Repeat"... What more is there to know?

womanoirish 53F

2/19/2006 11:40 pm

Several books, but I don't claim they explain it "all" -
Woman An Intimate Geography by Natalie Angier

Woman Writers on Body and Soul; Minding the Body edited by Patricia Foster

Iron John; A Book About Men by Robert Bly

King, Warrior, Magician, Lover; Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette

And lastly, because I cannot resist every time I see some reference to John Gray's, "Venus-Mars" book, you'll find that if you read Deborah Tannen's 1986 book That's Not What I Meant! How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships every idea Gray put in his 1993 book, Tannen had already written in 1986. Tannen also has several other good books, including You Just Don't Understand which is about how men and women communicate. She is a professor at Georgetown University.

Those books are all excellent at inspiring thoughtfulness when one is wondering how "things work."

tillerbabe 55F

2/21/2006 2:14 am

"Divine Intuition" I have a problem with the "angry" woman and the "bastard" man..these are well known differences and rather infintile intheir offerings. There are differences..true; to be acknowledged and understood and I have studied this for all my years of loving men mostly from observation from co-workers and my brothers. But, ultimately waht we all "need" is withing the human experience outside of sexuality. {=}

keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
3/2/2006 6:33 pm

That's easy. Great Quotes By a Chauvinist Male

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goodguysneedit2 56M

4/29/2006 5:32 am

I really was not impressed with Mars/Venus,nor the author. He always struck me as p-whipped wimp...LOL

The issue(s) surrounding intimacy and male/female relations have always fascinated me...probably because I've spent a good deal of time contemplating my own retardation,as well as that of others.

But here is one very special book (though not extremely deep with psychological terms)which will help yousee what's going on in relationships:
The Givers and the Takers --Bruce Feld
This book is out of print, but can be picked up at Amazon used. It shines a large light on relationships...male/female differences,etc.
This is one of those books where you completely overwhelmed by all the "Yes..that's it!"moments, you'll have half the print underlined before you are

Once you really start to dive into this topic,probably one of the biggest things to become aware of Fear of Intimacy
and there is indeed a book with that name by Harvey Firestone.
It's not an easy read...but deep and revealing towards issues and behaviors we all have.

And once you start learning about Fears of Intimacy, you will start to become aware of the fact that most cluster-B personality disorders are rooted in fears of intimacy. This is usually resultant of early childhood damage to the proper development of the ego structure,as well as the ability to trust and bond properly.

Soooooo...LOL... I have 3 books I HIGHLY RECOMMEND for truly getting a grasp of how these issues effect you and/or those you've known or will know.

1.Compelled To Control -J.Kieth Miller This book cuts to the core of control issues... and I wouldn't trust a soul at this place who would say they haven't experienced control issues in one way or

2. Why Is It Always About You?-The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism -Sandy Hotchkiss
Serious wake-up call for those who either are too narcissistic by nature,or have experienced relations with such people..AND/OR you are habitually drawn to complete assholes or wenches from hell.

3. Emotional Unavailability -Recognizing It, Understanding It,and Avoiding It's Trap - Bryn.C. Collins
More of the same,a really good book.

Happy Reading! LOL

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