Fun With Your Fanny  

rm_EveLWoman 55F
405 posts
2/2/2006 11:11 pm

Last Read:
3/3/2008 10:32 pm

Fun With Your Fanny

Dear Aunt Fanny,

I recently joined an adult sex site and I notice men listing certain skills in their profiles. Many claim to be experts who can “drive a woman to ecstasy” and “eat pussy for hours.” I would like to be competitive on this site where the men are greatly outnumbered by the women, but I am not very experienced in this area. Do you have any simple advice for me?

Signed,
Novice Nibbler
P.S. Does it really take hours?


Dear NN,
First of all, there is nothing simple about eating pussy. However, you are wise to seek my advice, as I enjoy having my pussy eaten so much, I had a drive thru window installed in my girdle.
Here are a few tips to get you started:

A clit is not a doorbell. Please do not punch it repeatedly with your tongue.

Whatever you do, do not use your teeth! Take them out if you have to.

“ Mmmmm Don’t stop!” means… Don’t stop!

Tension is a wonderful tool, use it.

Lick the alphabet, but a word of caution: Do not let her hear you humming the alphabet song!

“ Mmmmm Don’t stop!” means… Don’t stop!

Light blowing is good. Confusing her with your blow up doll & trying to inflate her would be bad.

Enthusiasim can can sometimes be substituted for experience

“ Mmmmm Don’t stop!” means… Don’t stop!

Since you are a man, I know you hate to, but this is the perfect time to learn to follow directions ( a little to the right please)..if you get lost? ASK!

Fingers are a valuable adjunct…nuff said.

“ Mmmmm Don’t stop!” means… Don’t stop!

You aren’t on your way to grandma’s house, throw away the map. Variety is crucial.
BUT…

When you feel the inner thighs start to shake, be repetitive NOT creative

“ Mmmmm Don’t stop!” means… Don’t stop!

How long should you keep it up?? Until she makes you stop.

Lustily yours,
Aunt Fanny

P.S. Perhaps some of the ladies of this sex site you joined might offer you some tips also.



KC_JJ 53M

2/3/2006 12:10 am

Hey Aunt Fanny!

you instructed

Lick the alphabet, but a word of caution: Do not let her hear you humming the alphabet song!

so should this be done in upper case, lower case, or in cursive?

And should the russians in the audience be doing it in Cyrillic characters?

Also do you know what fannie means in Auzzie (australian) slang?

It's a bit nastier than the United Statsian usage of the term but still quite appropriate to the topics that you seem to be covering

And what if your sweet honey muffin requests that you hum her the alphabet whilst you lick the alphabet. Should you oblige her?

Thanks for the counselling!

MMM [ MMM


rm_EveLWoman 55F
36 posts
2/3/2006 6:15 am

Aunt Fanny says:

KC -
"so should this be done in upper case, lower case, or in cursive?"
YES

"And should the russians in the audience be doing it in Cyrillic characters?" YES and computer geeks should lick the ASCII table with hexadecimal and octal conversions

"Also do you know what fannie means in Auzzie (australian) slang?" Yes dear, now come give Aunt Fanny a big kiss

"And what if your sweet honey muffin requests that you hum her the alphabet whilst you lick the alphabet. Should you oblige her?" If the Honey Muffin is sweet, I suggest you eat it however she asks


rm_EveLWoman 55F
36 posts
2/3/2006 6:18 am

Aunt Fanny says:

Texas - If you happen to be humping her leg, then yes! by all means stop when it begins to shake, otherwise? no

As for 'doing something wrong', perhaps a visit to Aunt Fanny's house for some personal instruction is in order.


rm_EveLWoman 55F
36 posts
2/3/2006 8:54 am

Aunt Fanny Says :

LoonerBoy - "And stop tellin' all my secrets, will ya? Thanks." These things should never be kept a secret, and they certainly arent your secrets. These tips have been around a while, they're even older than I am. As for 'granny sex', well... don't knock it till you've tried it. Some men consider the smell of laytex girdles and Bengay to be an aphrodisiac.


MillsShipsGayly 51M

2/3/2006 11:05 am

No teeth? damn you mean for all these years that I have been mixing up the licking, sucking (adjunct fingering) and nibbling .. I should have skipped the nibbling ???

And I even used teeth whiteners to highlight the pink-white contrast

This site is suuuure darn educational


rm_Young102 40M
181 posts
2/3/2006 11:57 am

"When you feel the inner thighs start to shake, be repetitive NOT creative"

Hmmm I'm confused here. I thought creativity and innovation perhaps would be preferable in that case. Unpredictability and waiting could also built tension, too. Or maybe you mean to be creative and what we do to do it repeatedly?


rm_EveLWoman 55F
36 posts
2/3/2006 1:44 pm

Aunt Fanny says:

Come here YOUNGster - closer- closer still...
*gently thwaps him on the back of the head*

Now! Pay attention: variety is good up to the point where her inner thighs shake. once the shakin' begins, repeat, repeat repeat whatever got the leg to shakin'

got it now? if not, please see that other Texan about possibly car-pooling to Aunt Fanny's house for some personal instruction.


caressmewell 53F

2/3/2006 10:03 pm

How funny..let's hope all the guys take the advice to heart.


SmedlySuperGophr 52M

2/4/2006 8:21 am

Not so fast, I'm taking notes, could you repeat that?!
My leg shakes when you scratch the fur behind my ears.


rm_EveLWoman 55F
36 posts
2/4/2006 12:11 pm

Aunt Fanny Says:

SuperGo - I'm going as slowly as I can. Read my lips...

and if you have fur behind your ears? stay tuned for Aunt Fanny's next column; "Grooming For Gophrs"


rm_koocnachtiek 60M
376 posts
2/4/2006 4:48 pm

Dear Aunt Fanny,

How does a puppet break away from his Master? I want to make my own way in the world, and have a life with no strings attatched.

PS: Do girls like boys with long noses?

Sincerely,


Woody in Wyoming

Is this just another trick by keithcancook
to get his text on television?


rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
2/4/2006 5:00 pm

I'm thinking it's our civic duty to link this one to all the men in blogville.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


LadytoPleaseYou 64F
5447 posts
2/4/2006 5:38 pm

ATLnoon, I take offense at your statement, "granny sex is just, well, icky.." I am the proud grandmother of 9 grandchildren and this old girl can knock your dick in the dirt any day sexually. HMMMMMPT! The very idea! Young whipper snapper!

Now Aunt Fannie, I want to thank you for your excellent job of educating these men in the fine art of cunnilingus. And it is an art. When I married my first experience (and all others after that until my divorce) with cunnilingus was terrible. I hated it. (how can you say, I am divorcing you because you can't eat pussy! in the best possible way) My next partner showed me the joyous pleasure that is derived from the proper usage of the tongue on the clitoris. I have been addicted ever since.

PENIS CHARMING....where are you?


rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
2/4/2006 11:25 pm

Neener, Neener to Nooner!

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
2/5/2006 3:19 pm

[blog koocnachtiek] - just follow the bright white light...

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


MaggiesWishes 59F

2/7/2006 1:14 pm

<~~ passing out coupons for 10% off latest Hot Seller on the Book Market... "Cunnilingus for Dummies".
::looks at Aunt Fanny ... shakes her head, directions for a man?

Awesome advice, Aunt Fanny!


rm_VoodooGuru1 49M
2053 posts
2/8/2006 3:45 am

"Lick the alphabet, but a word of caution: Do not let her hear you humming the alphabet song!"

Remember the Big Bird version of the alphabet? I can spell it as quickly as he sings it.

"Light blowing is good. Confusing her with your blow up doll & trying to inflate her would be bad."

... And potentially fatal.

And regarding hex? I usually write out the Windows source code in machine language.

Seriously though, one of the most important techniques guys should know is that the soft, broad, flat of your tongue is usually preferable to the hard tip of the tongue, Gene Simmons-style!

Another is that there's a lot more there than just her clitoris.


tillerbabe 55F

2/9/2006 10:20 pm

Don't stop! LOL!


rm_iolkos25 62M
13 posts
2/12/2006 6:20 am

well, what can one say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not all women lick pussy licking good but most seem to not all women love give head jobs either the resons must be various

iolkos25


lust4u941 46F
33 posts
2/18/2006 9:13 am

this needs to be a must read for all men! Especially those that think they are gifted and only dabble around never even touching the clit.... PUHLEAASE! THanks for another great one Fanny!


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