Fanny's Cooter...  

rm_EveLWoman 55F
405 posts
4/28/2006 8:42 am

Last Read:
3/3/2008 10:19 pm

Fanny's Cooter...

Many of you may not know that Aunt Fanny is married. The fact that she will screw nearly anything that moves might be why you didn’t know…or maybe, in a senior moment, she forgot to mention it .
Sometimes (when hes not busy snoring), Fanny’s hubby likes to help her write her advice columns. Today he managed to stay awake for an entire ½ hour just to contribute his 2 cents.

Random Wisdom from Aunt Fanny & Uncle Cooter


Fanny: Women enjoy being taken care of. When she is in bed whining about cramps, bring her the heating pad & some Midol .
Cooter: Remember: No matter how bad it sounds, she’s going to outlive you.

Fanny: Never trust a woman who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat-shit crazy or just plain mean.
Cooter: A woman with no friends will eventually drive you bat-shit crazy with her constant need for your company. When you meet this sort of woman, run like hell! (unless she has really great tits, then use a fake name, address & phone # till you find one with better tits)

Fanny: Women who say, “I love sports!” are lying.
Cooter: Women who ask you what time the game is on, without specifying which game they’re talking about, are not. (Not that we care if they're liars...'specially if they have really great tits.)

Fanny: A woman would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from Walmart.
Cooter: Because her friends will ask where she got it.

Fanny: Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves.
Cooter: If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid, you're one of the 10.

Fanny: Most women will not have sex for the first time with a guy unless their legs are shaved.
Cooter: If your date shows up and you spot stubble, you might want to change the plans for that 5 star restaurant to a happy meal at the drive through. If the stubble is on her face, run like hell!(unless she has really great tits)

Fanny: During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men.
Cooter: Mostly because inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice.

Fanny: Unless they’re lesbians, she won’t approve of your hanging out with other women.
Cooter: Even if they’re ugly… and, really, even if they’re lesbians ('specially if they're lesbians with really great tits.)

Fanny: The way to a mans heart is his stomach.
Cooter: I think you’re aiming a little too high.

Fanny: If you have something to hide, she’ll find it.
Cooter: Women are like ninjas.

Fanny: Women cannot live without tension.
Cooter: Every once in a while she's gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. (get used to it, it comes with the tits.)

Fanny: The most painless way to end an argument: “You’re right, I’m sorry.”
Cooter: The most painless way to end an argument: “You’re right, I’m sorry.” (even if she isn’t & you aren’t)

Fanny: She wants to sleep with at least one of your friends.
Cooter: At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you.(hopefully the one with the really great tits)

Fanny: Don’t call her “cute”… ever . Cute is the same as “not vomit-inducing.”
“Sexy,” OK. “Hot,” yes. “Fucking awesome,” is good if she happens to be naked at the time.

Cooter: Sometimes its best not to talk at all.

Fanny: Show her you care. When you’re out with the boys, call her at 10 P.M. She’ll go to bed content you’re thinking of her.
Cooter: even if you’re slurping Jell-O shots off some skank’s really great tits.

Cooter: Rub a sheet of medium-grade sandpaper across your face. That’s what your five o’clock shadow feels like when you kiss her.
Fanny: Now rub that sandpaper on your inner thigh. ..

Cooter: Women appreciate a big penis.
Fanny: Having one is not an excuse to suck at foreplay.

Cooter: You can’t change a man
Fanny: Unless he’s in diapers

Cooter: Women do not have men’s brains
Fanny: Because we don’t have a penis to put them in.

Fanny: Married men live longer than single men.
Cooter: But married men are a lot more willing to die.


MaggiesWishes 59F

4/28/2006 11:16 am

ahhhhh man, ya'll funny

and I was going to use that Diaper line ... even had it written down LOL too cute!


NSAAddict 42F

4/28/2006 6:43 pm

LMAO, I missed Aunt Fannie, glad to see she's back and brought company!


rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
4/28/2006 11:03 pm

I think these two old goats are ready for syndication!

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


Kaliedascope61 41M
4084 posts
4/29/2006 6:49 pm

Aunt Fanny! when you gonna answer my email sugah pop! I sure do miss those nasty nights down behind the bingo hall. And that one night you took your teeth out! holy shit that was...mmmmmmm

And then when you told me you wasn't wearing your depends and to guess what that meant?, and I was Like ohhhhh mannnn, just bend over and spread em!

Damn woman! when you gonna let me knock the dust off the ole coochie again?


rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
5/1/2006 6:32 pm

Fanny: Women cannot live without tension.
Cooter: Every once in a while she's gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. (get used to it, it comes with the tits.)
-----------------------
Shhhhhhhhh!!!!!


Seriously_Real 48M

5/3/2006 11:46 am

I can't say I disagree with any of that, at all, except he friends wanting to do me. Most of My Sweetie's friends are, so far as I can tell, lesbians.

But they do have big tits.

--Seriously


TTigerAtty 62M

5/18/2006 5:45 am

Great! I agree with [blog 1hotwahine]! This would make a great series in daily newspapers!


womanoirish 53F

5/27/2006 12:31 am

very funny, as always! And I agree with Wahine about syndication


redmustang91 57M  
8559 posts
10/31/2006 3:58 pm

Women are always right, even when they aren't! No man ever won an argument with a woman. He may think he did, but he just lost out on getting laid so he is a loser....


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