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In The Abyss - Lost
In The Abyss - Lost
There have no post so far that list some ofthe things I went through in the abyss.
They still linger in my mind and it is important, to me, to put these down for experience. Some people or should I say many will dispel the memories but I choose to keep them.
Why ? Such things do not happen to everyone. And what I have gone through may turn out to save others whom I meet.
In the light of the abyss, I can identify with the experience of another person going through depression. One phrase that is appropriate to describe the abyss is `Hard'. It is hard.
It is hard because no one on the outside can reach the person within the abyss. He is swallowed up in this state. He has lost control of his emotions. He is trapped within his body. He has lost control of his emotions ( Yes. This I must emphasise ). But he MUST CHOOSE to survive the abyss.
In the abyss, you feel lost. You feel sad. You feel empty all at the same time. Looking at the sun, you see darkness and gloom. I am thankful that I can still reason things out but the negative emotions were overwhelming. The positve was buried. It does not exist anymore. I could not smile. I could not laugh. I could not help but display a haggard face.
Any sad event in the news triggered my sadness more. I remember feeling much pain when I read suicides during that period. The guy who continuously asked for a transfer to another department till he jumped to his death brings deep sadness still. Why did his superior not see the impending disaster? Too late ... as usual.
My friend sought me every week to sit and talk. I was in no mood. We sat and ate. Food was tasteless. It was just going through motion. No one understand. And this was aboulutely true for me. No one understood. Advices were irrelevant. Nice words sounded like some distant echoes. It was terrible.
But in such a state it is vital to have someone nearby. Someone even if rejected must continue to be there. Why? Because the person will want to be alone and he will want you to stay. Choose to stay if you are really a caring friend.
They say there is a fine line betwen sanity and insanity. There is a fine line for a person in the abyss to be triggered for one last act. The friend must be there to provide the leaning force to safety, to sanity.
Talking helps. Presence helps too. These, to me, are two vital contributions a healthy person can make. And dun judge! Any negative or flippant remarks do make matters worse depending on how strong the character is. Or how sensitive the person is at that stage.
Dun say things like `You shouldn't feel like this. You shouldn't feel like that?' That is CRAP! Of course I know I shouldn't.
`Don't you know I dun want to feel this way!' But they on the outside do not understand these things.
And dun ever say you understand! At that point in time you do not understand! You certainly do not! YOU ARE NOT WITH ME IN THE ABYSS!
Many difficulties take time to heal. In the abyss, it took me about 6 months. That was how long it took me to swim my way out.