Abyss - Re-posted for Review  

rm_Eric0072005 51M
422 posts
7/5/2006 7:22 pm

Last Read:
7/7/2006 6:15 pm

Abyss - Re-posted for Review

It started so insidiously,
How did it creep up on me.

We were sleeping less and less,
Skipping meals, working longer hours still
To finish the project and make the deal.
Everything was fine or so it seem
But it wasn't to be the line was thin.

Overseas assignment coming along
And this was end January.
Struggled to meet many demands the same time.
Didn't know then that I had lost ...
Never had the rest
That contributed to the mess.

By the time I had to leave,
There remained a sense of unease.
How could I say to anyone
I didn't want to leave.
Even with the first step I took overseas,
I felt this lingering unease.
Wanted desperately to leave,
To catch the same plane back please ...
But no one understood. How could I speak.
I did not realise that `day'* had gone away.

My job I fulfilled overseas but people could see
The abyss I was in and the agony.
Day to day in this shell
Looking out with emptiness within
From the abyss into which I fell.
I never understood I didn't understand.
And looking back I wonder where else could I have been
Doubt anyone could have seen.

Mine was a classic case,
Based on what happened along the way.
By God's grace I made it through,
The job I did was always true.
Glad to see no incidents I created
The strangeness I felt never dissipated.

Two months on alone at home
The storm came and HELL was loose !
>> ff >>
>> ff >>
Eight months later in a room,
Calm and collected, reviewing the bill,
I looked up and saw this friend
Who smiled and said `You're OK now.
Take care. We'll meet on better days. '.

Deeply grateful I must say
Much of which I can't repay.
Few understand even till today.
Thankful now as I think of those days.

Something I've learned
Yet a lot from this fall.
Not so simplistic is life anymore.
Example who are my friends
And whom do I depend on.

This world is so strange even now
The callousness of many I say.
Lessons to be reviewed
Understand the abyss how I feel
I can reach out to others still
And show that they too ..
Yes ... they too can be healed.

* `day' as in contrast to `darkness'

Grateful Eric
Dec 2003 to Nov 2004

Only people who have gone through depression will grasp the `abyss'. Hope this post helps someone.


Mystical_Phantom 46M

7/5/2006 8:16 pm

You are absolutely right. Only certain people can understand this. Something triggers it and you never know what that something is. It comes out of nowhere and suddenly we are in the abyss. Weeks go by and months go by and when we finally emerge from the abyss, we have to rebuild again and hope that we never fall into the abyss again, but we know and fear that we will fall again, sooner or later.


rm_Eric0072005 replies on 7/5/2006 11:40 pm:
Phantom,

There will always be lingering fears in life as many questions are not unanswered. But I do not agree we have to fall again.

Why?
We must recognise that we determine many things that affects us. Even if it is from within, I believe there is hope. ( Maybe I will contribute a post entitled `Inside Us' from my own experience.)

Whatever it is, each have to carry our load and hopefully grow from our experiences. As u said we have to start from where we have fallen. This is life.

Talk with someone we trust.
You'll never know how much good it will do for us.

rm_Eric0072005 51M
254 posts
7/6/2006 9:56 am

Phantom,

There will always be lingering fears in life as many questions are unanswered. But I do not agree we have to fall again.
Why?
We should recognise we determine many things that affects us. Even if it is from within - intrinsic -, I believe there is hope. ( Maybe I will contribute a post entitled `Inside Us' from my own experience.)

Whatever it is, each carries their load and hopefully grow from their experiences. As u said we start from where we have fallen. This is life.
I thought of an analogy that will sound strange -
`The muscles break when you carry weights but afterwards they grow stronger than before.' The play is on muscles - similar to one breaking down - when carrying weights and forming back after rest to be stronger than before.

Take care.


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