"You might feel a little discomfort"...  

rm_Elysia2005 43F
512 posts
10/16/2005 8:02 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

"You might feel a little discomfort"...

All you ladies out there are familiar with that one, the one the doctor says just before performing some painful and unpleasant procedure on you. Tonight, for me, it means something a little different. I have crushes, you see. Here, and in other places. Crushes that, because of my personal situation and other assorted factors, could never possibly come to fruition anyway. And yet... and yet...

Slight discomfort. You see, most of these crushes either don't know I'm interested at all, or don't think I really care that much. And so they would probably be quite surprised to know that it hurts a little, to see them with someone else. It's funny, I have no problem chronicling my own adventures, and it never crosses my mind that anyone might be bothered by it. I suppose because I really don't see myself as the type of person anyone would feel that way about. I should know better.

To lighten this up a little, I'll expound on that last point. You all remember Jack, right? From the previous blogs, haven't-seen-him-in-14-years Jack? Well, I knew Jack from school and also because he dated a friend of mine, but I also knew Jack from where he worked. He worked at a gas station where pretty much my whole family went, and there were a few other guys who worked there that my family knew. Including Mike, who was 6 years older than me, and had known me since I was 5 (he had been in my sister's grade). Now, there's a whole lot I could say about Jack and Mike, and eventually I will get into some of those stories a little more, but the relevant point here is the way they both treated me.

Jack and I were good friends, and while I was very attracted to him, he apparently either didn't know it or chose to ignore it at the time. Mike and I were friends, and there was a definite mutual attraction. Eventually we did wind up playing together a bit, and a few years later, on one of my visits home, I finally did sleep with him. But for the time period we're talking about now, there was really nothing going on.

Now, the funny thing is, Jack and Mike did not get along. I still don't know why, I haven't asked Mike about it, and Jack tells me he doesn't even know why. They just rubbed each other the wrong way from the get-go. And so, on one side, I have Mike telling me he doesn't know why I hang around with Jack, and shooting us dirty looks whenver we're having a little heart-to-heart at the station. And on the other hand, I have Jack glaring daggers when Mike leans into my driver's-side window to give me a hug. Neither one of them seems to want me for himself, mind you, they just don't want me to be with the other one. It gets funnier - when they both got the opportunity to meet The One, when he was taking me to the prom... they both hated him. Or rather, hated the idea of me with him. That makes no sense to me, still doesn't. If they were so worried about who I was dating, why didn't they just ask me out themselves? *sigh* Men!

And here we come full circle... because if I get so upset when a man I'm interested in, has a good time with someone else... then why have I not taken care of my own business, and made my own moves on him? *sigh* Me!

Ladyblue85 58F

10/16/2005 11:18 pm

****sigh**** Been THERE, experienced that pain more than once, esp. on this site. Even after I say I will NOT allow myself to develop feelings for anyone -- shit happens. No, not with everyone, but every once in a while. Like I tried to tell one guy who ripped out my heart and stomped it to death , "You can't tell your heart how to feel or with who."

deayan 40M
1 post
10/17/2005 12:19 am

so hot'n crispy

sol19753 42M
5 posts
10/17/2005 2:11 am

hello been there 2 lol x

wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
10/17/2005 4:28 am

yes I have been there thats why I went alone to my own graduation


NewJackSwing 43M

10/18/2005 12:37 am

Been there as well and trust me it isn't fun. But then again though that's the nature of the beast when it comes to people. I see and hear it all the time. It's fascinating yet at the same time juvenile as well.

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