Alcohol in My Life: Terry S.  

rm_Ellenback 58F
903 posts
7/24/2006 6:24 am

Last Read:
8/2/2006 4:19 am

Alcohol in My Life: Terry S.


When my kids were very little, my SO was gone all the time, and I struggled mostly alone to raise them. When we all first moved out to the country, we were living in a huge 175 year old farmhouse, with way more bedrooms than we could possibly need. This house even had a servant's staircase in the back, and was surrounded by 300 ft of gigantic willow trees in the front, and tomato fields in the back, and of course, the occasional pot plant...LOL

I ended up renting out some of the bedrooms to local people - a single new mom and her baby, a coke addict (didn't KNOW about coke/crack then!) and then I rented to Terry.

Terry was a huge teddybear of a guy, with curly black hair that hung in his eyes. He used to 'Suplex' my two sons, pretending of course, but he just loved playing with the kids, wrestling, growling like some huge Grizzly bear, freaking them out, causing them to piss in their underwear in a mixture of fright and delight.

Terry worked, night and day, trying to save up for his ONE DREAM...a Harley. He had a girlfriend, he had a tough job, he loved to blow off steam, and the only way he knew about was to go get absolutely blitzed. I would find him laying out on the lawn, just basted, muttering to himself, with pissed jeans. A few times I'd try to help him into the house, telling him to go wash up and get to bed, because he had to work in the morning.
Till one time he turned on me - he didn't hurt me, or lay a hand on me, but he sure scared the hell outta me...

We called it "going Indian"...Terry had some genetic code in him that would make a teddybear into a polar bear: just add Whiskey and a couple hours, and he'd come out swinging. He had just enough of that gene to not be able to metabolize the alcohol, and it made him nuts when he drank.

The local boys in blue knew this about Terry, and they would find him out in the countryside, and drop him off at home, but, of course, NOT before laying a beatin' on him worthy of the lowest of lowlifes. Terry wasn't that, he didn't deserve that crap...

He was a good-hearted soul, who would give a friend anything they wanted - he was the type that would keep ya company in jail, by getting into trouble on purpose, just because he knew you were scared.

My kids adored him. Terry bought himself a Harley, and then was seldom home, hanging out with his buds night after night, living the dream, FINALLY!

This went on for maybe 2 months...till early one morning, when a big old Parisienne pulled out on Kings Highway #3 directly in front of him. Terry ended up going through the glass of the back seat, straight out the open window of the other side.

Terry didn't have a lot of breaks in his life, not even when it came to ending it.

But, he died doing what he loved...what he had wanted to do, all his life.

His funeral was attended by hundreds of people, as he was much beloved in our community.

He left behind his gf, and the unborn son he never even knew about.

Alcohol was his demon, and it rode his back until it killed him.

Coming from an alcoholic family myself, I hated what alcohol had the capacity to do to people - I'd seen way too many kids getting hurt, it had touched me personally in ways beyond measure, and I get scared now when I find myself confronting that demon in my life again...not with me, as I don't seem to carry that addictive gene, or rather, I fight it so hard that it'll NEVER get hold of me...but when I see alcohol once again hurting my friends, either directly, or indirectly, I get pissed...

That's what happened this weekend - I had to see that demon looming large in my eyes, turning someone into an obnoxious, and dangerously manipulative monster, hurting my friends.

You have a problem with alcohol...DEAL WITH IT! DO NOT bring it around me!

(((softboobyhugs)))

Elle


runzwithknives 59F

7/24/2006 7:11 pm

I don't come from an alcoholic family. But my second husband was an alcoholic. Functional but an alcoholic all the same. What a con. And he just couldn't choose between it an his family. I'm with shaye, I know way more who have been harmed by alcohol. Thanks but no thanks. Hugs to ya Elle.


rm_Ellenback 58F
966 posts
7/24/2006 8:08 pm

    Quoting ShayeDK:

    Great post and I am with you,
    don't bring it around me!

    My first husband was an alcoholic and after 3 failed attempts at rehab, I had to leave.
    He was the type that would go out for a newspaper and come up missing for 3 or 4 days.
    Not to mention tons a money would also come up missing out of our bank accounts.
    When he did find his way home, he couldn't remember a thing.
    Last I heard, he was sleeping on park benches.

    I've known more people that have died from the effects of alcohol than I have cancer, cigarette smoking or drug abuse.
    And the alcoholics that I know who aren't dead yet, they have dead lives and are killing themselves one drink at a time.

    I quit getting drunk 8 years ago, (I'll have a drink or 2 here and there), but will not date anyone who gets drunk.
    I refuse to allow alcoholics in my life now.
Shaye, you and I both...my Ex did that, but it was for crack! Glad you've given up the 'getting drunk' stuff hon, more power and respect to you than I had so far, and I had a helluva lot already!

(((softboobyhugs)))

Elle


rm_Ellenback 58F
966 posts
7/24/2006 8:11 pm

    Quoting runzwithknives:
    I don't come from an alcoholic family. But my second husband was an alcoholic. Functional but an alcoholic all the same. What a con. And he just couldn't choose between it an his family. I'm with shaye, I know way more who have been harmed by alcohol. Thanks but no thanks. Hugs to ya Elle.
Thanks, Rosa, you do know, you've lived thru it, and you're beyond it now I hope. But, it still comes back, very easily...so tread carefully.

(((softboobyhugs)))

Elle


rm_Ellenback 58F
966 posts
7/24/2006 8:13 pm

    Quoting big_n3rd:
    When I was younger I used to drink, a lot. I just figured out one day that I had to grow up, besides I have much more important things to worry about in my life, namely my children. Not that I never drink, just rarely. Actually went out and had a huge amount (for me) Saturday night, 4 drinks. (And no, I didn't have my kids on Sat night). Anyways, I have always believed that alcohol is a convenient excuse, I don't believe it changes people all that much, just brings out what already existed somewhere in there.

    grey
Ahhhh you lurker, finally you speak! LOL Glad to have you aboard me, GTLenses (woohoo!) hehehe

You're right, the alcohol just magnifies whatever a person has in their nature...me, I get more bubbly, others, they get even more bitter, or cry on your shoulder all night, and GRRR I HATE THAT!

That's my brother-in-law and his 'issues' and being drunk...and why doesn't ANYONE love him...!!!

That's why I hate it...

(((softboobyhugs)))

Elle


rm_shannee2006 52F
3355 posts
7/25/2006 10:13 am

I can't tolerate the scent and taste of alcohol on anyone....least of all a possible lover. I avoid all situations where I have to smell that smell. It's rare that I enjoy being in a pub. I do find one occasionally that doesn't reek and where I can go enjoy music. I grew up with it...and that sensory memory of those scents and tastes are inextricably enmeshed with some of the most horrid experiences of my life.

Yup...this juiciness is from me....

S


rm_Ellenback 58F
966 posts
7/25/2006 5:20 pm

    Quoting rm_shannee2006:
    I can't tolerate the scent and taste of alcohol on anyone....least of all a possible lover. I avoid all situations where I have to smell that smell. It's rare that I enjoy being in a pub. I do find one occasionally that doesn't reek and where I can go enjoy music. I grew up with it...and that sensory memory of those scents and tastes are inextricably enmeshed with some of the most horrid experiences of my life.
shannee, it's not the smell of alcohol that bothers me so much, it's the qualities of a person it brings out...when there is poison in the soul, it oozes out upon consumption. And, I agree, scents and tastes do blend into reminders of awful experiences..lavender can do that to me.

(((softboobyhugs)))

Elle


rm_Ellenback 58F
966 posts
7/25/2006 5:21 pm

    Quoting kittenkisses24:
    great post. thats awful that his son never knew him and that he never knew that his son was on his way.
Thank you, kitten! Glad to see your awesome presence here, btw!

I agree, and last I heard his son was well on his way to becoming an alcoholic/drug addict...

(((softboobyhugs)))

Elle


Intensity4U 52M
7432 posts
7/29/2006 9:10 am

Hey Elle I just wanted to let you know I'm still reading your posts - I just didn't know the other blogger who left.

This was a touching and powerful story. I've had to deal with the effects of abuse in my life - it causes so much destruction to everyone around it.


rm_Ellenback 58F
966 posts
7/30/2006 2:07 pm

Cool
not to worry! Yes, it does cause destruction - just this past weekend I've heard two separate stories of little kids with drunken parents, looking after them when they find them passed out with the bottle in hand...and the kids are broken, and going to stay that way! Nothing pisses me off more!!!

(((softboobyhugs)))

Elle


SirMounts 102M

8/1/2006 5:24 am

Elle...
I feel badly that you lost a friend, even as I am glad that He had you as one. *gentle hug*


rm_Ellenback 58F
966 posts
8/2/2006 4:19 am

Thank you, SirMounts! He WAS a great friend, and I even thought I could save him from himself at one time...I thought he needed more love, more acceptance, more friends. I was wrong - the time when he needed those things had already passed him, and the window had closed.

(((softboobyhugs)))

Elle


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