Why I Want to Cheat on my Wife  

rm_DocSpiky 40M
22 posts
8/29/2005 1:39 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Why I Want to Cheat on my Wife

I have a festering pile of jealousy in the pit of my stomach. It's creeping through my chest and strangling my lungs, like panic but evil. It tells me to smoke more, just one more fucking cigarette and I'll go away, I promise.


I found my wife's list of guys she's fucked... before she met me, yes, I am a pathetic bastard for letting this choke me. God, it makes me horny, though. Horny and sick to my stomach. If she had known me when she made the list, would I have a star? And what do the arrows mean? Who were the three guys in Mexico? Why did I marry such a slut?

And the letter codes... all day I've been trying to figure it out: N, A, or A & S. Doesn't make any sense. I have to fight through the pain. I have to figure it out.

It feels like the time I ran over the baby bunnies with the lawnmower. It was an accident. I couldn't look, but I had to look. I had to finish it.

I have to finish this.

And I can feel the ice clamping my stomach, my lungs, my throat.

One more fucking cigarette.

MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
8/29/2005 6:37 pm

OK, your first post and it worries me. How did you find the list of guys she's done? Were you actively looking for evidence to use against her? I'm equally concerned that someone keeps a list like that. I so don't get that kind of mentality, even if she was just 20 when she did the list.

But you know what? None of those letter codes matter. You're probably better off NOT knowing a thing about Mexico, especially if it was Tijuana. Just be glad she wasn't doing dog and pony shows down there.

rm_DocSpiky 40M
18 posts
8/30/2005 6:12 am

Hey, yeah... I just re-read that post this morning. It is pretty jacked up. I'm not normally like this.

rockwriter58 56M
1389 posts
9/5/2005 3:06 pm

Well, I can understand how this might turn your head around a bit, if she hadn't been straight with you. (I can remember coming across some interesting notes and lists of a girlfriends' once when cleaning our apartment... you just want to go back in time and not sort through that wad of papers under the bed!) However, the key word here is before.

She hasn't been cheating on you since you were married, right?

Everyone has their own motivations and only you can tell if you are doing the right thing, but it seems you have found a reason to justify stepping out when perhaps what you should be doing is talking a bit more. Or is there more to this?

Infidelity and the motivation behind it can be quite complex. If interested, I've been exploring it a bit. Check out these posts: [post 81072]; [post 81844]; [post 82720]; and Busted!.


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