|Blogs > rm_DarknStar > Sticks & Stones|
Something I want to share & something I wanted you to READ!
Something I want to share & something I wanted you to READ!
Good Morning....and its Hump Day.....Humping is the far-est thing from my mind!
Yes Im still in the little pity world that I live in. Because I still have the weekend fuck up, still thrown in my face.
My daughter read my posts on the 3rd. I wanted to share it with you, her comment. You will problaly not understand alot of it. But then maybe you will. This is what im living with, this is what I put up with, and remember she 25 now and these are her words. (I will have something to say, after you read this email comment)
Well since I dont see the FREE membership button for AdultFriendFinder I will just send my comment via email. If you were truely up to anything good wouldnt you try mxxch.com or mxxch.com AdultFriendFinder? What ever floats your boat. You had an awful lot to say and apparently I still do too.
First things first...no matter how many people you meet or how many people make you feel that special way, it will always fade away. It is YOUR job to keep it alive. If you cant then move on. Hell I have been with Jaxxn for 11 years this summer. You gotta keep it real. Make life the way you want it, dont just follow! Sometimes you gotta take control. (not just sexually either) Your a LEO for God sake. LEOs dont follow. Mom, I want you to be happy beyond all things. Im just asking that you dont neglect my daughter in the process.
Which takes me too my next point. Why the Monday tears....because-- INTERNET LIFE is NOT REAL! Its a fucking dream world that sucks you in, fucks you up, and spits you out. We have been over this. No one wants a relationship. People just wanna fuck. Of course he made you feel comfortable...anything for a blowjob and some ass. If you are looking for something to "fullfill your needs" both sexually and emotionally, then find yourself a more respectable website. What does everyone say to the alcoholic that bitches because he cant find a woman? "YOUR NOT GOING TO MEET HER IN A BAR." Same rule applies here, sister. Your looking in all the wrong places. After all, it seems as though you have a streak? Didnt realize you were trying so hard. I just need to add some things to your only regret. First, thanks for fucking up my birthday. Thats ok, I didnt want you here at my party anyway. Just think of yourself. Its cool, I will have one next year. And lets top it off with the fact that you had the gas to go meet this person, but I didnt get so much as a card. I just wanna be petty, Im your daughter, its fun! And the whole birthday resentment got you a nice April Fools Joke.
Mood: Disappointed, Sad, Neglected, Pissed Off that such an important day for me was totally ignored by you.
Remember when we would have those talks (or screaming matches) they were all for a reason. Normally you trying to get me to listen to you. It normally worked after dragging my ass across the carpet. That is what I want to do to you sometimes. You just dont see clearly, just as I knew you wouldnt when you found people to talk to. That is why I act like your mom sometimes. Dammit, I dont want to. But you know as well as I do, that we are too much alike. Bitches to no end. Im a Ram you are a Leo, we but heads. But I love you and I want to see you happy more than anything. I just dont want to see you make the wrong move. But what do I know?
I dont want to make you feel like hell, I want you to know the truth. Opinions are like assholes and everybodys got one. Just because I dont agree with your decisions doesnt mean I can stop you.
The molester will answer to a higher power just before he enters the gates of hell. By the way it was 10-12, just to be technical.(this has been cleared up, she was 9-11 years old. I proved her WRONG) There are a lot of answers I still need from that situation, but I may never ask. You said last night that "you didnt love him that much." (I think meaning you didnt love him enough to let him abuse me.) But that didnt keep you from crying on the witness stand swearing that he was sorry for what he had done. I realize that it was a painful and confusing situation, I WAS THERE. But when I think of that moment I wonder just for a second which team you were rooting for. That is why the question we discussed was asked. Mom, WAY too much of the time is vivid in my mind. But there are somethings I cant remember, thank God. Im sorry if I had asked you before. Maybe we should have finished that counceling? Who knows.
Most importantly, you didnt fail. Me and my brother both made it to adulthood. You did what you had to do with what you had. But also let me remind you, we met all those bad people in a time of desperation. You were lonely and newly divorced. I want you to know the next person insideout, upsidedown and backwards. I have no trust in men I dont know. Because of what happend to me, you should feel the same. Not to bring up the past but just to remind you...it was just the first or second time I had stayed the night there when my panties came up missing. The 2 idiots cut them off me with scissors.
Do you see why I am so protective? I care mother! I do want to know what is going on in your life, just dont disappoint me. There has never been anything you couldnt tell me, except what you didnt want my opinion on. Sorry, Im 50% you at least...probably more. Deal with it.
As for your number....HA! You arent getting out of this shit hole they call life anytime soon.
How you should feel: Encouraged and Loved
How I feel: Confused. You shouldnt feel this way. Im concerned and I want you to talk to me more.
I love you and remember, you didnt fail.
See she tells me you people are not real. But in my mind you ARE and I take everything that you people say to me, in a good heart sense. Dont be afraid to leave me a comment. I want to hear what you all have to say! DAMNIT I MEAN IT!
I have my own little group of friends here and it gets bigger everyday. Hell sometimes, I see you guys as a little family, that pulls together when needed. (I have seen this happen a few times already in my short time here)In my world you are ALL REAL! and that your words, I carry with me, deep within!
(another note: she had never read my blog, nor did I want her too. HELL some of the shit I write in here I didnt want her or other family members to read. This was my world to vent and have fun. and Now I feel invaded. Give me time and Ill bounce back to the crazy shit I write about!
Have a Good Hump Day Bloggers!
4/5/2006 9:37 am
I have a shoulder for you anytime you need one. *HUGS AND KISSES*|
4/5/2006 1:35 pm
Are we real? Yeah, but real what I'm not sure of. it seems as tho' your daughter still has some issues to deal with. For her sake, I hope she does. Blogville is a totally different place from AdultFriendFinder. Yeah, under the same umbrella, but the people are here more for the friendship than a sexual thing. Just remember you have an absolute right to have your needs filled. If your daughter has a problem with that, then SHE needs to re-evaluate things, not you. There comes a point in time when you children are fully grown, and YOU can then be free to live your life the way YOU want to. The good thing is that the two you do talk, and communication is the key to all problem resolution. The love between the two of you is SO obvious, and that's a good thing. Joe|
"McVeigh had the right idea, wrong address."
"This ain't Dodge City, and you ain't Bill Hickok."
4/5/2006 9:58 pm
It's all good now Darknstar...in her own way your daughter is tryin...take care of you, and the rest will fall in to place.|
4/6/2006 5:54 am
prag....fast....lusty......THANK-YOU........for your comments......You guys are REAL to me, and others that read my blog!|