Hope On A Hopeless Site  

rm_CauseISaidSo 48F
341 posts
7/20/2006 5:38 pm

Last Read:
9/8/2006 1:24 pm

Hope On A Hopeless Site

So I met someone. From A-F-F. We have been out twice, both dates went fantastically, chem was through the roof, I think. I could honestly say at this point that I adore him and am not interested in seeing anyone else. I am supposed to see him tomorrow, not sure if it is for lunch or anything more than that. Our schedules are a bit opposing.

Strangely enough, simultaneously, interest in me from other men has spiked, and I have been turning down every offer because I just want to be with him.

Hence the problem. We met on this site, which by its nature insinuates that people should broaden their sexual horizons with as many people as possible. I don't want to make him feel that I am trying to lock him down or keep him from exloring what he came on the site to explore. He seems to enjoy being around me and is affectionate, a handholder, someone very into touch, which I CRAVE. But I am miserable (self inflicted, he, I think is wonderful) because I feel since we met on AdultFriendFinder I am not really "allowed" to expect more, even though I know I deserve it. I have to find a way to tell him how I am feeling because I am in a lot of turmoil right now and trying to keep my expectations low and not pressure him into something he may not want.

I am not someone who wants to "trap" a guy or manipulate someone into being with me who doesn't really want to be with me. I'm not even much of a jealous type. But I hate losing out and I am tired of flings.

I'm just sick of feeling afraid to want more and I think my days of dating from AdultFriendFinder are coming to an end.

cuteNEway 41F

7/21/2006 10:16 am

Cause honet...don't hold back but don't just let it all out either. I know how you feel. I completely held back what I was really feeling. Now well...you know what happened

Just let him know exactly that, that you do not intend to hold him back but that you do prefer his company. If he runs it will hurt but you'll know it was wrong before your feelings get any deeper.

If he stays then he is a smart man. You are a great woman with a lot to offer!

luvs ya me fellow gorgon

rm_CauseISaidSo replies on 7/21/2006 5:25 pm:
OMG NE, it is so hard to not say it, lol. But it is about the right timing and today just wasn't it, it was just a sit down in a cafe for less than an hour, but I got my fix for the day, Too bad ithas to last me a week. Have you ever met someone who just made you feel like he was bedding you with his eyes? That's how I felt when I was talking to him today..was wondeing if it had to do with him being a Scorpio also, let's just say, it isn't hurting things, lol.

cuteNEway 41F

7/21/2006 8:24 pm

>>channeling Homer Simpson<<


MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
7/21/2006 10:57 pm

Who says you're not allowed to ask for monogamy from someone you met here? You know as well as I do people from this site and especially that room would crucify their lovers if they got wind they were seeing others.

It's the third date. You're allowed to talk about things like this at this point. Well, some say wait months, but the third date is considered the make or break date. Don't act like shithead and use code, though. Ask if he wants to go steady. That is all you have to ask. We may not have used that word since we were teenagers, but it applies. It also doesn't have the onus of the word commitment to it. It's a cute term for the same thing, but doesn't have the same mental flee and run impact.

rm_CauseISaidSo 48F
182 posts
7/26/2006 10:25 am

Well, thanks for the words of encouragement, everyone, but I don't think this is going to turn into anything. Afetr a flurry of calls, emails, IMs in the beginning, him saying he wanted to even cook for me, him getting in touch with me first, if I want to talk to him, I have to do all the calls, IMs, etc, and it isn't guaranteed I will hear back. Although I know he is busy, he is off IM a lot more than he was when we first started talking. Just a lot of things that are saying to me 'look elsewhere.' At least I already had put my defenses up again.

I did meet him Friday of last week, met for lunch, lots of eye contact, good kissing when we said goodbye, him telling me that he had thought about me when he was out and about the other day, I am not pinning my hopes up. Taken with everything else dropping off, I am taking three giant steps wayyyy back.

It's more helpful to remain as an automaton on this site.

rm_CauseISaidSo 48F
182 posts
7/26/2006 2:34 pm

Guess whose girlfriend of 4 years I just got a phone call from on my cell?

ARGHHH I am so careful to try and find SINGLE guys...HOW did this happen? This is the first time this has ever happened in my experience, and i am going to work damn hard to make sure it is the last. He left me a message that I was about to check but a call from her on his cell phone intercepted me first. I thought it was him, turns out to have been her, in tears. We talked a little bit and I told her I never ever go after anyone's guy, that I would never see him again. Then I checked his message, basically which was warning me that she would be calling me, asking me not to say certain things which of course I had already said since she asked. She's married but they have been seeing each other off and on.

Count me out.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

cuteNEway 41F

7/27/2006 12:05 pm

girl I know how heartbroken you must be. My guy, 3 days after forgetting my birthday, sent me a lame email apology after we spoke and I hung up because I was too upset to talk. I replied by spilling everything that led me to believe he was trying to get rid of me. He hasn't called or emailed me. This was on Saturday.

Will we EVER be happy?

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