|Blogs > rm_Catshack2 > The Lesbian & Horny Housewifes|
Whew! It's been a crazy weekend. It was one quarter horrible, one quarter wonderful, one quarter insane comedy and one quarter surrealistically bizarre.
The premise for the weekend was as follows:
Horny housewife (the lovely Mrs. H. again) is coming down to my area on Saturday with her hubby and family to care for his ailing mother-in-law for the weekend. They are there to give some relief to his sister, who cares for the mother full-time. Mrs. H. has a brilliant scheme - she and hubby are going to tell the kids they are going out for a while and hubby is going to drive over and drop Mrs. H. off so we can spend some time together. He, on the other hand, will go out to a bar for a while and cruise chicks before coming back to pick her up. Brilliant!
Except, that this professional lesbian decided that she was sick to death of Lean Cuisine and said, hey - it's Friday night, let's do something special. So, I went to Taco Bell. Big fucking mistake. And I was just kidding about it being anything close to special. I wake up Saturday morning and toddle off to the bathroom for my first pee of the day and find myself running faster and faster as I have an immediate need to purge my guts. So, Saturday was basically spent hovering near the toilet. Lots of sweating and shivers, all that junk. It totally wiped me out for the day...and my visit with the lovely Mrs. H. As Saturday night rolled around, I was in my bed feeling absolutely horrible. My stomach was aching - hell, my entire body was aching, I was shivering and though I had planned on spending the evening in bed, this was not quite what I had imagined. Miserable I tell you!
So, Sunday morning rolls around and the very sweet Mrs. H. calls to check on me. Since I am feeling much better, she has cleverly come up with a Plan B. How about dinner with the family, she says? Now this is where the surreal part comes in. I'm going to meet the family!
So, I'm due at the mother-in-law's condo at 4 pm. Wouldn't you know it but a horrendous rainstorm decides to open up about 3 minutes before I'm to pull into the parking lot. Mrs. H. has already informed me that I'm to park in the Bataan Death March lot and walk over to the appropriate building. So, I park in the hinterland and realize that I have no umbrella...or, it's in the trunk. Good place for it in a driving rainstorm...especially in the summer...in Florida. So, I jump out, run to the truck and retrieve my umbrella. Of course, I still have to get back in the car to grab my purse and the bottle of wine I'm bringing to my hosts. Since I'm halfway soaked through from just the trip to the trunk, I jump back in the car and decide to wait it out. Since I'm also late, I call and inform Mrs. H. that I'm sitting in the parking lot and will just wait til the storm passes. She says that hubby has offered to meet me at the front of the building and will basically valet park my car for me. And my mother told me there was no Prince Charming. Wrong! So, I drive up to the building and wait for hubby. I wait, I wait and then I decide to go ahead and run out under the awning so I can give hubby the umbrella when he comes out. But, he never comes out. Then, I finally realize (yeah, I'm a dumbshit), that I'm not at the "official" entrance to the building - I'm at a side entrance. There is no buzzer or anything like Mrs. H. said there would be. So, I run back to the car, stand in the pouring rain while trying to get the fucking umbrella and myself back in the car. I drive around the building and see a cute guy leaning against the pillar with a big smile on his face. I'm sure he was wondering how the hell I got lost from the hinterland to the main building, especially considering it is in a direct line of sight. In the meantime, my cell phone is ringing as Mrs. H. is calling to find out where the heck I am. So, we shake hands, he tells me how to get to the condo and he's off with my car. Needless to say, I am basically a drowned rat at this point. I just want to point out that my hair looked really cute before I left the house damn it.
So, I see the lovely Mrs. H again (yum), meet her daughter (adorable and very well-mannered - we like that in children) and the mother-in-law. We are chatting and another drowned rat joins the party. Hubby has returned from his other job as valet parking guy. And, he has some exciting news for us - he has accidentally locked my keys in my car! The poor guy is just sweet as hell and I know how badly he felt. I think he thought I was going to get upset but I wasn't. I mean, there is always some sort of solution to a problem. As it turns out, our solution was fairly comical. I tell everyone that everything will be ok - I have another set of car keys at my house. He says no problem and he'll run me back over to my house later. See? Problem solved...or so we think. Everybody relaxes, the party begins and we're all having a good time. Hubby, being a good Italian boy, has cooked up an incredible meal - spaghetti, onions and jalapeno peppers, Italian sausages and garlic bread. Mrs. H. contributed a delicious salad. And I sat on my ass running my mouth. Fun!
So, we eat dinner, get the kitchen put back into order, Mrs. H. gets the mother-in-law ready for bed and then I'm leaving to go to my house with hubby and the daughter as they are going back to their home later that evening...leaving me and Mrs. H. alone.
By some incredible forethought on Mrs. H.'s part, she asks if I can get into my house seeing that my house keys are also locked in my car with the car keys. Ummm, no? Old dumbshit here never thought of that! I have a car key in my house...I just can't get in my house. So, I think for a minute and realize that my ex has a set of keys to my house. I call her up knowing she'll be home on a Sunday evening and...she's not home. Hmmm. Wonder where the hell she is? Whatever.
So, we rearrange the plan and now Mrs. H, hubby and I are going to swing by my ex's house, since it's on the way to my house and worse comes to worse, break in my house to get those damned keys. In my version of "Thelma and Louise", Louise has brought her husband...because he's a contractor and can fix anything we break. Of course, we also have to come up with another side plan - what the hell are we going to tell my ex? Obviously, she has no idea that I've expanded my horizons to include bi-sexual housewives...and I ain't gonna tell her. And I'm not really sure how to explain hubby at all. Thankfully, she's not home.
We arrive at my house. Super hubby gets us in the house with a minimum of effort (tells me I need a deadbolt on a certain door!) and the keys are retrieved. I felt rather like Tom Cruise in "Mission: Impossible", except that I'm not a freaking lunatic Scientologist who has impregnated a young, and obviously stupid vessel for my alien spawn. We head back to the condo and finally, hubby and daughter leave to return home and it's just me and Mrs. H, and, well, the mother-in-law, but she's sleeping. She sleeps a lot. I guess a brain injury can do that to a person. Anyway, we had a fun fuckfest for several hours and then I went home. Of course, a few more fun and somewhat ironic things happened once we were alone, but I can't divulge everything, now can I? A few things are best left private. But, thanks Mrs. H.! As always, wonderfully hot and tasty. You are a lovely and charming woman. And thanks Mr. H. too for the wonderful dinner. I will repay the favor as soon as you are able - Indian food as we discussed. Cuz I know you like it HOT!
Whew. What a weekend. Not sure I could live through another one...till next weekend at least!
7/3/2006 4:42 pm
Sounds like you had a fun weekend. Best laid plans ... yep. We make plans; God laughs! I've had quite a few events that would make you fall on the floor laughing. Glad you finally got some fun time with her. Hope you have many more to go. Love your stories!!