Yours Truely Butter  

rm_Butter571 45F
13 posts
2/21/2006 7:41 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Yours Truely Butter


As I sit here I ponder what the day will bring .God only knows what a day in my life will bring. Usually its the normal avarage things. Typical house mom taking care of the children ( my 7 and the 2 neighbor kids). I look at my life threw the glass door that is the patio of my dreams and realize there isn't much more I could ask for right now. I have my kids I have my health and I have the man of my dreams.
I grew up thinking that there was that man that would be my prince charming . And thena marrage that went horribly wrong....well not horribly . I thank my ex (AKA To little to fast minute man ) for the lessons he taught me in my life.When I got divorced I learned alot of lessons. Many bad times and many good times. Alot of emotions and lessons have accorded in my life since my divorce. Alot of hurt alot of disappointment, alot of crying and a lot of laughing. Sad though these past three years have been more of a blurr . I had been let down by relationships, by men, by friends and by myself, I learned lessons on the differences between fuck buds, booty calls, meaning full relationships between men and women , women and women . I pray to god my kids never learn these lessons but if they do I hope I am there for them to guide them threw what I have learned. Not to tell them how to deal with such lessons but give them advice on how it all worked out for me and an open ear to listen to them .
I had all but given up. Didnt believe in love. One of my best friends told me that I was silly that love was real, I laughed blew the notion off. I remeber tellng a potiental boyfriend that I wasnt ready to be resposible for anyones feelings . I got called" selfish". I had one man tell me that I wasn't date'able but that didn't stop him from spending the weekends with me and my kids and in the same breath telling me that he didnt want to be with anyone else cause he didnt want to be disappointed .....what a line huh .....I thought that I was gonna die after that man was done with my head . To be honest thats when I thought " You know this love thing isn't worth the time or effort that I had put into it ." It wasnt right that something called love had caused so much hurt in my life.
I went on the quest of finding out what "true love" was all about . I found out that I know what it is cause I have love for my kids. But that is a natural love a love that comes easy for most . When I look at my kids I am happy to know the smiles on there faces are because of some thing I have brought to thier life to make them feel that way . I began to think ...hmmm could love like that be something I could have with a man . I began to analize what I truely wanted in a man . What I truelly wanted out of life. I asked my daughter of only 6 at the time.....what do you think your prince charming will be like.....and as she told me I realized damn ...I lost that little girl in me that wanted her prince charming.
I got into patterns of letting men use me. I hadn't thought much of myself for a long time. The men didn't do it to me I did it to myself . I let them do it to me....I was known as the" cool" girl for a long time ....fun to hang out with, I loved the football and the beer. And with the right friend I had a great sex life. But still it wasn't enough ....I had missed some thing....something that was of great importance. There had to be more to what I was needing or wanting......or was I making it to complicated? A friend of mine got ahold of me out of the blue one day . She was telling me how we needed to get toghther . She had the summer free. She even wanted me to come over tonight....She went on to say "I have a friend....." I said, " uh huh ?" She said " Dont' be silly , he is a good man who deserves a good women. ... you are a good women who deserves a good man."
I met him on May 31st 2005. And have been by his side since. He is everything I have wished for as a child and now as a grown women. He is funny , quick witted, a smart ass , and someone that almost gets the best of me ( well he does but I can dish out just as much as he can hand out )and a wonderful dad and has the patience of a saint....I went threw most ,well all my adult life playing a role. I was someone I thought I had to be for 14 yrs of marrage and then being a single women for three years. The man I am with now ,I plan to be with till the day I die. ( God willing he wants to put up with me that long ..) He lets me be who I am, who I want to be and he makes me a better person everyday .He helps me want to be better everyday I am with him . I want to set the example for our kids . Show them how two people in love are suppose to respond to each other . I hope that everyone in life gets the chance to be as happy as I am ! This is to my Master ....I dedicate the rest of my life to makeing you happy. Yours truely, Butter

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