An Abused Life........  

rm_BigDnLady 43M/40F
1214 posts
4/27/2006 2:17 pm

Last Read:
4/30/2006 9:38 am

An Abused Life........

I was just over at MOfunNOWWOW blog,and read an interesting post about hergoddaughter's abusive relationship. No matter how you slice it that is what it is!! I use to be in an abusive relationship. But the thing is, I think for while I didn't really know I was in an abusive relationship. I know that it sounds weird, but I really think you have to be there to understand what I mean. I was 15 when I met *Lee* and he was 19. We dated for a few months, he was a great guy, but I was wild, so we broke up. He went through alot after we parted, but my life went on and so did his. Well, when I turned 18 and had went through alot of loss in my life I longed for the comfort he had given me those 3 years ago, so I went about trying to find him. I went off to college in the fall, and when spring break came around, I was told he was looking for me as well. Anyway, we found each other again, and fell in love all over again, and eventually we got engaged. Now here comes the stupid part!!! Exactly 2 months after we got engaged, he got angry at me for no reason, and jacked me up against the wall, in front of a male friend of ours. The male friend, had a history of beating his wife, who happened to be my godsister, but surprisingly he pulled *Lee* off of me, before he really "hit" me. Well, about an hour later, after they returned from their walk, he apologized, and here comes another stupidity bubble I said: OK!! Our nite went along, and after our friend left, we were getting ready for bed, and he flew into a rage about a CUP in the livingroom, which I told him I didn't have it so stop fucking yelling at me!!! I have never seen a man take what seemed to be 1 step from across the room to end up on the 2nd step right in my face so quickly. Before I knew it, he slapped me!! I was speechless, and just walked over to the bed, curled up in a ball, and cried as he huddled next to me apologizing. I wouldn't let him touch me, or even sleep next to me, I placed pillows between us. But HELLO!!!!! Why the fuck didn't I leave then? I had left everything for him. I dropped out of college, left my family in the wind, not that they were all that supportive of me anyway, and he was all I had!! I was pregnant with our first son, and didn't feel I could do it alone!! I prayed that God would fix the situation. Yeah, I was praying again!! Time went on, and as I got further along in my pregnancy, his temper actually, got a little better. I thought my prayers had been answered, oh but wait!! When my son was about 4 months old, he got angry again for no reason, and pushed me into a wall, bruising my shoulder, punched me in my ribs and bruied those as well. Yep there goes another stupid bubble, I stayed as he promised not to do it again!! But then the promises of never turned into: "You can't leave me!" "If you leave me, I'll kill you!" "You ain't shit!" "Be glad that I want you, cause no one else does!" I didn't have the supportive family, to run to for help. I didn't even have friends that weren't his friends, so what in the hell was I to do?? I went through depression after depression, beating after beating, until when I finally left him I had been on 3 different antidepressants, 3 broken teeth, ribs bruised on 4 different ocassions, a sprained wrist, I could go on and on!! I was one of those who watched those "stupid" girls on T.V. who stayed with their abusive mates, yelling at the T.V., until I was in their shoes. It starts off as almost an out of body experience, you don't believe it is happening to you. You wake up in the morning with a black eye, and you put make up over it, so it makes it disappear!! But it really doesn't. When the pain goes away, you start over, or so you think! My mind was so fucked up, but dammit when I woke up, I came out with both barrels blazing! I was lucky, and I know that! I fear for those who stay in abusive relationships. I was staying for all the wrong reasons, yet wouldn't leave for all the right ones!

I am gonna say a special prayer tonite for MO's goddaughter, and all the women, who are in this sickening predicament. I ask that all of you will do the same, because, it is an easy situation to get in, but a difficult one to get out of. I was young and plum dumb!! I am thankful that I wised up, and grew up! God answered my prayers when he brought D into my life! He is the love of my life, and I am amazed by him and his love everyday!! I hope I haven't bored you all, but I needed to get this out!!

Kisses to you Naughty people!!


PassionKisses4Me 44F

4/27/2006 2:28 pm

Hugs sweetie...praying right along with you



papyrina 51F
21133 posts
4/27/2006 3:08 pm

hugs honey ,nothing more i can say really,except i'm glad your who your with now and happy and safe

I'm a

i'm here to stay


4/27/2006 4:16 pm

Thank you LADY and I mean LADY. I have cried too much the last days. I am sorry for what you went through. I know it wasn't easy and I apologize for coming off so glib yesterday but like I said... I am just so scared for her and mad at him. If life were just easy. I am so thankful you are where you are k=now and that you shared this. Thank you for your concern too and most especially for your prayers because it's not all we can do it's the very best of what we can do. HUGS, PRAYERS BACK, and {=} lots of em!

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11238 posts
4/30/2006 12:27 am

~ echoez papy'z comment ~

ty 4 sharing

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