How to cope???  

rm_BetsyBiguns 47F
10 posts
1/4/2006 11:48 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

How to cope???

How do you cope with a mate that says that they love you and can't live with out you. How ever when it comes to the few times a year when you feel that they should put you first and foremost in their mind and actions....they let you down so very very terribly. For instance my birthday and our daughter's is only six days husband put so much thought in to every thing he did for her....planning for months and absolutely no thought into what he did for me. I was an after thought!!! He had to go to the store for Pepsi and came back with a card and a can of cashews....that he ended up eating. Well to say the least this hurt my feelings deeply. I am not one to keep things inside, so I told him exactly how I felt....he DID NOT GET IT !!!!! Why was I mad???? HHHHMMMMM go figure??? Then for Christmas he told me that he had already bought his own gift and that he would get me something. When Christmas rolled around no present of any kind. Then he couldn't figure out why I was such a BITCH later that day. He had no idea why I was so angry with him. Again I told him exactly how I felt not so nicely I might add. He looked like a deer in the headlights. I was the only person he had to do anything for and he simply forgot me AGAIN!!!! When I EXPLODED he was so sorry, but after that day he has expected me to just go on with life and act as if nothing is wrong. For the most part I have chosen not to be angry all the time, but I can't be happy right now either. I am still very hurt!!! It is not the material gift that is the problem it is the total lack of thought on his part for or about me. How do I cope with this ???

danteszippo 52M
3896 posts
1/5/2006 12:36 am

Once again, I have to ask "What made you marry that ass in the first place?" I have slipped up a few times, but this guy sounds like a complete and total ass. print this and hand it to him.

BiF33Ut 50F
295 posts
1/5/2006 1:28 am

You trade his ass in on two 20's.

No, on a serious note, it is emotional abuse. I don't know what is going on in your life, and I won't pretend to, but based on the little snippet I see here.. it is emotional abuse/neglect. Get counseling if you wish to make it work. Cut bait if you don't.

It really is ok to desire and seek personal happiness...


danteszippo 52M
3896 posts
1/6/2006 11:45 pm

Youe post is haunting me, why would a person treat you that way? I don't know what advice to give that would help you to cope, since I would never take that from anyone i have been with. I always left if i felt the relationship was not even in the emotional exchange. How did it end up like this? All I can say is

Do not put up with anything less than you want, within reason. Life is way too fleeting to have it end up like this. There are people who would give their right arm to have a woman who loves them and wants love from them.

I can guarantee he will be singing a differnt tune if he gets even an inkling of you leaving him or loving another man, it's harsh but true. nothing makes a selfish man reexamine himself than being replaced by another man.

Good luck. remember, being by yourself is hard but better than being hurt by someone else. Look at the opportunities, and don't look back.
Onward and upward as a famous author once wrote.

rm_BetsyBiguns 47F
9 posts
1/9/2006 8:21 am


Thank you for your thoughts and comments. I have indeed seriously thought about showing him this post on the comments it received. How did we get this way?? I am still wondering that myself. Over the years I have fought very hard to keep it together. We have a family so for me that is the only option....try try again. I am also a person that does not give up easily. I have how ever tried a new tactic that is getting some headway. Turned the tables and become very aloof to him. When he asked if I was mad at him I said no more than usual. I think this got him thinking. Last night he was very different with me. What this means remains to be seen.

rm_BetsyBiguns 47F
9 posts
1/9/2006 8:29 am


You are correct. Counseling is a very good idea. We definitely have issues to work out. Getting him to go, well that might be a difficult prospect. I have mad some headway with him on my own recently. Thank you for your thoughts.

But two twenty year olds hhhhmmmm interesting

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