Please Hear What I'm Not Saying ...  

rm_Benkai7 55M
1685 posts
3/26/2006 4:01 pm
Please Hear What I'm Not Saying ...

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I'm afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well
as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,
and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
will not be followed by love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without
and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings--
very small wings,
very feeble wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.

by Charles C. Finn
September 1966

This is the original version of
"Please Hear What I Am Not Saying"
Original Version

This poem is the one I love most and I`ve got it 1980 in a short German version by a friend, without knowing who it wrote. It took 26 years to find the writer ... Thank you very much to a very nice person ...

{ Benkai7 {... just a poor Rōnin marching by ... { Z

rm_impatiana56 59F

5/2/2006 8:09 am

ein wunderschönes gedicht, kommt es einem nicht so vor, als würde der dichter einem direkt ins herz schauen?
ich verstehe, warum du es so liebst, benkai

IsThisBetter4u 105M

7/28/2006 7:22 am

Thanks for the link, Benkai. It's a beautiful poem...reminds me of my dad...and me...and my son. You made me sad and happy.

rm_Benkai7 replies on 7/28/2006 7:42 am:
Dear "TD".

I´m very happy ... you found the way ...

a warmhearted welcome friend ...


lynnbluff 41F

7/29/2006 9:34 pm

Thanks, for telling me about this!

rm_Benkai7 replies on 7/30/2006 2:03 am:
Dear, my dear "lynnbluff".

I´m glad and happy ... hugs to your feelings ... welcome ... a sensitive warmhearted welcome to my blog ...


Damn_Dilemma 49F

7/31/2006 1:23 am

<~ is full of emotion just reading every word and how it describes me to a Tee

rm_Benkai7 replies on 7/31/2006 2:08 am:
Welcome back less enigmatic soul ...

... now for sure you know one of the answers ...

Benkai7 - just a poor Ronin


5/28/2007 4:43 am

Can I add this to my new Handle ? fits very well.. perfectly

under the stars
We choose to write
you choose what you comprehend.
read twice and be nice
every key stroke... has a heart beat

rm_Benkai7 replies on 5/28/2007 9:12 am:
Dear "Muffy",

... guess you've got why I love this one ... I've even thought by myself using it as a kind of 'bottom line' ... but than ... well you already know parts of the story ...

{ Benkai7 { ... just a poor Rōnin marching by ... { Z

ShyWhisper2006 53F
15175 posts
3/3/2008 8:22 am

Oh my...this is so very familiar to me..It speaks clearly to what I have been feeling..thank you Benkai..*hugs*

rm_Benkai7 55M
2358 posts
3/3/2008 9:32 am

    Quoting ShyWhisper2006:
    Oh my...this is so very familiar to me..It speaks clearly to what I have been feeling..thank you Benkai..*hugs*
Dear "Shy",

... very honestly spoken, I am not able to do more, by looking at the distance ... of course difficult to date as well or to spent time with ... I know by myself how difficult life, living & feelings can be ... that's why I always try to wear "Finn's glasses" ... hug you back in mind friend ...

{ Benkai7 { ... just a poor Rōnin marching by ... { Z

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