|Blogs > rm_Belswingcpl > Sinful thoughts and desires|
Ok well since my birthday is in a two days I thought I might as well do up my first post about myself rather then just some fantasy or story I have concocted.
Let’s see where to begin, ah yes Happy Memorial Day. I definitely got to say that seeing as how my family has been in the military since the US has been formed, as well as I am looking to join the Army in two years time. I will get to why I have to wait a little bit later. I also have to mention it because 27 years ago I was born on Memorial Day, kind of fitting for the son of a Marine.
Next random brain spark. I am an avid follower of some blogs here especially Papyrina’s blog and a while back she asked what people thought of death. I don’t have t think long on this subject. I can say I don’t fear death at all, many might be rolling their eyes at that but I don’t heck I was born dead, the umbilical cord was wrapped about my neck and I was born without a pulse and without breathing. I guess even back then I was stubborn and didn’t want to give up so easily. And here I am today.
It also helps with the fact I was electrocuted at 2, at 17 my epilepsy nearly killed me, over 30 grandmals in a single two hour period. Long ago I accept death as a part of life and thus don’t fear it. I believe that when it is your time to go it is your time to go. No sense in worrying about it or fearing it. Live each day like your last and be thankful when you wake up in the morning is my view. That is part of the reason I am here on AdultFriendFinder.
Ohhh another random brain spark. Why am I here, well a few reasons and if anyone reads my profile they will see a few of them. Yes I am married and no I am not cheating on her. She knows all about this, in fact she encouraged me to join, why well let’s just say this. I will hint at it but that is a very personal reason, if someone wants to know I might email them it privately.
One of the reasons I am here is to learn more. I crave knowledge, in fact in high school I always had my head in a book and nearly overlooked the opposite sex. All the phone numbers I got in my yearbook left me wondering why the head cheerleader wanted me to call her. God back then I was so naïve. So I like to learn more, about mathematics, science, nature, spirituality, everything, and that is why I am here. I want to experience new sensations, learn from others, and just gain more knowledge. Knowledge to me is power, and the more you know the more you can understand.
The other reason I mentioned before. My wife can’t stand intimacy because of some painful experiences she had as a kid. You can fill in the blanks from there. But when she told me about that I told her I understand, and I do. Even told her I would go the rest of my life without sex if that is what she desired. I can just hear many men just g sure right, same with the women I bet. But one thing about me once I set my mind on something or I promise something I never break my word. Later that day she told me she didn’t want me to do that and gave me the ok to seek experiences outside our marriage. If she wanted me to never have sex again, I was ok with that. That is how much I love her; I would give up my very own soul for her I would. How many others can say that about their partner I wonder?
Next random thought. God I hate being sick, as I sit here sniffle and shudder from a fever I just hope I am better for my birthday in a few days. Though I didn’t want anything done for it, not because I don’t want to be reminded I am getting more white hairs, but because it is nothing special for me. Just another day like all others why waste the money on me when I could be spending it on my kids and wife instead making them happy?
Ok so I am not selfish, I would rather make everyone around me happy and content. This is true in my day to day life as it is for me sexually as well. When I am with a woman I prefer their needs and desires are fulfilled first and long before my needs are met. To me I fail as a lover if they are not satisfied. From long full body massages to intimate kissing and lots of foreplay, if that is what they want, or just hot passionate sex.
My second to final random thought for this entry. I mentioned how I suffered from epilepsy, well 4 days after my birthday it will also be my third year seizure free. I had brain surgery exactly three years ago today to remove a tumor I had. I had a 10 percent chance of success overall, and only a 30 percent chance of living through it. But three years before, as I was holding my 6 month old daughter and a seizure struck I knew true terror. As my arms became uncontrolled and I nearly crushed her in them, at the time I fought against my own body to open my arms and had my daughter over. For a few days after that she wondered why I wouldn’t pick her up, I feared hurting her. That made the decision to have the surgery so easy. I had it, came out ok and now I can’t wait to join the Army. It is a funny thing when I mention I was epileptic or I am joining the Military how many stop talking to me. They act like it was the plague, ah well I can understand their thoughts and felling all too well. When I was a teen too many turned their back on me when they found that out.
Brings me to my last thought for this entry. I guess just to sum myself up to those who read this. I don’t fear death but what I do fear is failure above all else. I am a man full of honor and integrity and I despise lying. I will do anything for my friends and my family, even laying down my life for them if that is what is needed. In truth anyone can ask me whatever question they want to and I will answer truthfully no matter what it might be. So here it is for anyone who reads this blog, you want to know something ask away and I will answer with all due haste.
Guess I will wrap this all up with this, stay safe on Memorial Day, drive safe and have fun.
5/30/2005 12:05 am
Wow, you have an incredible story. You really ought to consider writing a book. Meanwhile, you are a lucky man to have a wife so understanding, and she is a lucky woman to have a man who would sacrifice for her as you offered. Congratulations on having overcome so many struggles, and keep in mind, you were kept here for a reason. Figure it out, and live it. Best of luck!|
5/31/2005 2:18 pm
Lol, thanks, in truth I have thought about it but first I want to write out my fantasy novel line and get those stories written first. it takes way too long to write out a descent length novel, that plus I have one great problem in my way of writing out something like that.|
When I had those seizures at 17 and nearly died from them I had so much electrical activity in my brain that night that it fried it. I lost all of my memory from when I was 12 years old and below. I can’t remember a single thing about my childhood, even later years are a bit sketchy at times. Eventually I will likely write up a life lessons book, if for no other reason then to give to my daughters and see what an interesting life I had. From my struggle with epilepsy, to the molestation I mentioned in another blog, to an abusive mother, in school standing up for others against bullies, how I met my wife which is an interesting story, the struggle after that, and what lies in the future.
As for my wife, yep I sure as hell am one lucky guy to have met a woman like that, let alone captured her heart. We have had our struggles, it hasn’t been a picture perfect marriage but somehow we made it work in the end and I for one tend to treasure each moment I have with her and my kids.
As for what life has in store for me, could be as simple as being in the right place at the right time to help someone in need, or as grand as public office. I dunno in truth, I have so much I want to do not that I don’t have seizures. Everything from going into the Army Rangers for a time, to getting out and getting a teaching degree likely in English Lit and History, keep publishing novels and my ultimate goal is to set up a summer camp type thing for epileptics. Lets kids have at least a few weeks or months of fun forgetting about the seizures.