My Comment to Waggypolly  

360 posts
9/28/2005 9:00 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

My Comment to Waggypolly

Waggypolly says she doesn't want to hurt someone by sleeping with a married man. I say that if two people are attracted to each other it doesn't matter if one or both are married, they're going to end up in bed.

No woman wants to hurt another woman just to sleep with some guy, there ARE lots of men that are single. However, if you meet someone, you have a great friendship, and you happen to both be attracted to each other, it has been my experience that 1) the ethics and morality of both parties goes out the window the first time they get aroused ( a stiff dick and a wet pussy have no conscience) 2) one or the other will make up some out of the blue reason they aren't getting along with their spouse in order to justify cheating.

IMHO - it would be healthier if both people just admitted that they are attracted to each other and do whatever it is they are going to do and move on with their life (assuming the man is honest with his spouse about fooling around with someone). There seems to be a huge assumption on the part of women that other women either don't know their hubby is messing around, or that it "hurts" her that he is. Isn't it just possible that two people can have an open relationship?

I've tried this with some of the women I've been interested in, brought them into my home, introduced them to my wife, let her know when I was going out with the other women, or if I would be spending the night at someone else's house. My wife handles it just fine, my girlfriends never seem to handle it fine. It is an absolute deal killer. We could be having the most fantastic sex ever, and the moment they meet my wife, it's all over. What's up with that?

I recently asked my wife if she would like to come to an adult party with me and a date. She said she wasn't sure she was ready to have me watch her with another man, even though I assured her that I thought it would be sexy. She urged me to go with my friend and tell her how it all went.

We started our relationship with the understanding that fidelity was not a prerequsite. I'm sure there are many other people that have the same understanding. So if it's all out in the open why are women so adverse to being "involved" with a married man? Is it because secretly all women look at men as potential life partners even if they say they aren't looking?

What do you think?

3 posts
9/28/2005 10:34 am

Me and my wife have fun onlt in threesomes or foursomes. This allows for us to not get to attached to anyone else. Outside of that I am allowed to have fun with other males or females. She chooses not to meet men for purely sexual reasons because of saftey reasons. However I have no problem with her having fun with other people as long as she knows the person.

476 posts
9/28/2005 9:43 pm

FUNHOUSE4YOU - veru cool, glad to hear from you.

476 posts
9/28/2005 9:43 pm

FUNHOUSE4YOU - very cool, glad to hear from you.

34andahalf4U 49M/44F

9/29/2005 8:24 am

(him) I guess in the situation that you are in, as described by you, it's not breaking any commitments. But there are TONS of men AND women that simply cheat on their spouses. This is a common theme for some; just not something I condone.

My wife and I discussed it before ever taking any steps to act on anything. If we play together, bring in someone, that's our choice. We do it together, in love, exploring our sexuality. If it were seperate, even just a kiss or emotional envolvement, we agree that it would cheating.

There is a certain covenant between partners, probably the most important of all is respect and honesty. Now this is just my opinion, but if partners can't accept/respect each other enough to be honest about a desire, or express it without the fear of judgement, maybe it's just not a good match.

34andahalf4U 49M/44F

9/29/2005 2:08 pm

(her) ditto

my husband won't leave the html alone, now that he's learning

476 posts
10/3/2005 2:31 am

waggypolly - I can give you my interpretation of why the GFs shy, reality. Up to the point that they meet my wife they are living in the fantasy that even though I'm married they have a chance of catching me. Even though I tell them up front I'm happily married they think I'm lying, why else would I want to "be" with someone else?

When they meet her they are confronted with the reality of our relationship, we love each other, we get along famously on a day to day basis, and we have wonderful children that we both enjoy, and she knows all about my girlfriends. The reality is that I wasn't lying, I am happily married.

Now all of a sudden the GF thinks I'm just looking for some action on the side. I'm no longer interested in her as a person, I'm just out to use her for sex. So, as a result, I usually don't say that I'm married unless I am asked directly. Eventually it comes up and gets dealt with but this way I at least have some time to get to know a woman (and visa versa) before the whole relationship gets shot down. It's a tough call, some women can handle it, others can't.

I would love for you to have the opportunity to enjoy me whenever you want.

476 posts
10/4/2005 2:00 pm

Waggypolly - I don't withold info when asked, I just don't volunteer info that isn't requested. Usually the subject of my kids and what sort of relationship comes up pretty quickly (like within the first couple of meetings), so the honeymoon doesn't last long. If I start out my conversation with, "Hi, I'm married. Wanna be friends and see what happens?" or something to that effect I'm shot down immediately.

I wish I didn't have to conceal anything, I'd prefer to be totally out in the open about everything with everyone, but most women won't even entertain the idea that we could be friends once they find out I'm married.

I don't have much in common with most guys. I've spent the past 20+ years listening to women talk about how messed up the men in their life are. To be honest, most of the men I've met really do fit the stereotype that most women paint; inconsiderate, solthful, neandertals.

I'd like to say that it's different with each woman, but the trend isn't pointing to that conclusion. In reality it IS different once you get past the initial trust issues, but up to that point every woman I meet treats me like every other inconsiderate, solthful, neandertal she's ever met.

Still, women are really my closest friends, and who I seem to get along with the best; once we get past the, "is he trying to get into my panties," stuff.

So, why is it that so many American women automatically assume that a man is going to treat her like the last man treated her? Is it reality? Is it conditioning? Is it just survival instinct?

476 posts
10/4/2005 2:09 pm

34andahalf4U - I meant to reply earlier but needed to get my thoughts together on it. I agree with you that respect and honesty are important to sustain a relationship. I do not agree with the "anything seperate wouldd be cheating" idea. I reapect that you and your wife have that agreement, but I don't think it can be applied as a general rule.

I totally respect my wife, and I believe she feels the same way about me, but I don't need to know the details of her activities and relationships outside of ours, that's her business.

No one will be with me 24/7/365 from the moment I was born till the moment I die but me, I'm the only one that has to be happy with how I lived my life when I take my last breath. I extend everyone the same respect.

If there is something my wife needs to do to be happy with her life, I trust that she will take me into consideration before she does it. If it is something that might be painful for me, I respect that she felt it was necessary to achieve her own happiness. I can live with that. I would never want her to make a decision that would result in her unhappiness just to spare my feelings. I hope the feeling is mutual.

Thanks for your comments, blog on.

34andahalf4U 49M/44F

10/4/2005 9:54 pm

(him) In your specific relationship, I totally agree. You two discussed it beforehand, it's inside your bounderies. Didn't mean to give impression that our way is the only, just that way for us. Ya gotta admit, there are lots of folks out there that are going behind a spouses back without the upfront understanding.

For us, any act without the others knowledge would be wrong; that's just us.

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