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The One That Got Away!!!
The One That Got Away!!!
I know we all have one. No matter how careful, how promiscuous or how guarded we think we are, we all have that one somebody that we know was one of the best chances we had at the real thing! And whatever life circumstance brought that relationship to an end, be it moving, death, work, money, time, romance, lack of communication, adultery, his screw up or yours, you find yourself looking back at that relationship frequently and enjoying the memories of what was and the daydreams of what should have been. This is the story of what I consider to be the biggest romantic mistake of my life!
Since I came out at twelve, I always kept my shit clean. No more lies, deceit or deception. I felt like if I told you everything up front, you would run like hell before either of us had invested anything that might lead to pain later on.
As the story goes, this guy called the bar I lived in on Monday nights because it was Undie Monday, and asked if there were any black men there. The bartender told him there were two of us and eventually the guy would show up. When he arrived, he sat at the first seat at the bar and I was sitting at the other end and the other black guy sat in the middle of the bar. Keep in mind I would find out about the phone call and stuff later but at this time I was clueless. After an hour of bullshitting with the bartender, who happened to be a dear friend of mine, he finally decided to come talk to me... for four hours! And that was our beginning.
During that four hours, we made out, necked, talked and my nickname, Kissyface, was born! I decided he needed to know something before we went any further. You see, I worked part time at another bar and one of my co-workers and I had started to get pretty friendly. Skip, my co-worker, had some issues with intimacy so it took us forever to finally get somewhere. And I was starting to discover how it felt when two legendary kissers got together. Lord have mercy!
So I told Skip about the new guy and the new guy about Skip and for a period in time, I was seeing both of them at the same time!
Unfortunately, that would not last long enough. After about eight months, the new guy issued an ultimatum, him or Skip. The only answer I gave him was if he was tired of waiting for me to make a decision, he was free to move on. And that's what he opted to do. And outside of a couple of letters I wrote him, I never heard from him again.
You know, I look back and find it amusing that these days, I don't even refer to what I had with Skip as a relationship. I still care for him and we had some good times, but it was never that deep. The other guy, however, is a completely different story.
He would drop me off at work just so we could squeeze in time together, as if four or five times a week wasn't enough. He didn't have kids, but once a week our date included his dogs so that I could get to know his kids, he said. He bought me orchids every week. He did anything and everything he could to make me happy. And how often do you find someone who is almost completely compatible with you? Just as sexual as you? Just as freaky as you? Just as romantic as you? To this day, I still think he was the most perfect man for me. But because I had more time invested in Skip and really wanted to see what could happen between us, I let this wonderful man get away.
So Larry, if for some reason you are reading this, I want you to know that I am truly very sorry for what happened between us. Not the relationship but the ending. I am sorry that I could not give you what you wanted at the time. I am sorry for my part in you getting hurt. And I am sorry you felt you could not be friends with me after that. If it makes you feel better, know that I regret what I did to you everyday and I wonder frequently what might have happened between us if things had worked out differently.
I do hope that you are happy in your life, Larry. I can think of no one who deserves it more. And know that you will always be a part of my history, heart, mind and soul as the one who got away.
I kept a few of the cards you gave me but I have a favorite. It's the one with the island, a beautiful blue sky and a rainbow and on the cover it says, "Share this journey!" Sometimes, I wish I had!