Honest Play  

rm_Anachronous8 38F
5 posts
8/5/2005 8:27 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Honest Play

I've been on AdultFriendFinder for more than a year now. In the future, I'll post more purely carnal, lustful thoughts, but for now, I'd like to touch on a subject that I think is extremely important: honesty.

If you're looking for a hookup via AdultFriendFinder chances are, you're not here to have a deep, meaningful relationship with any one person. This does not make honesty any less important than if you were to have a long term relationship with someone. If anything, when one is playing, it is equally important if not MORE imperative that you trust your partner than when in a monogamous, traditional relationship.

A lot of the profiles that I see on AdultFriendFinder ask for "discrete" encounters. I have no problems keeping mum about sleeping with you. Don't want to say who you are just in case our circles of friends mix? Fine. But I draw the line at keeping mum when it comes to spouses/girlfriends/boyfriends/partners/etc.

I will not play with married/attached people whose partners do not know AND consent to their being on AdultFriendFinder. I think that is wrong and I will not play with anyone who willingly cheats on their partners.

Now one of the most common misconceptions people have about swinging and/or polyamory (which are two completely different things) is that it is an "okay" way to cheat. This is completely wrong. Swinging and polyamory both require two very important things: trust and honesty.

If the pull to have sex with someone else is so strong that you will break your marriage vows/commitment promises, lie to your spouse/partner and continue to do so for the sake of your own physical pleasure then you are a cheater.

If you lie to your spouse about your activities because it would "break their heart" or "hurt them" yet continue to play without their knowledge and consent, you are a cheater.

If your argument for NOT telling your spouse/partner about your extramarital activities is that they would never approve or understand, that is your signal that you should NOT be married/attached to that person.

I play with the full knowledge and consent of my husband. He knows that at any time he can say he no longer feels comfortable with the situation and can ask me to stop. Not tell, ask. And he trusts me to do so if he asks. I tell him exactly who I am interested in and what I plan to do. I let him know where I am and who I am with. Its because of this trust and honesty that we are able to do what we do.

I expect the same amount of trust and honesty with my sexual partners. I'm not asking you to love me though I ask at the very least for us to be friends with a mutual respect and rapport for each other as well as a mutual physical attraction.

If you lie to your spouse/partner about your sexual activity or even your presence on this community, how can anyone trust you? If you knowingly and willingly cheat on your spouse with strangers, how can a prospective playmate trust what you have to say about your health and sexual history?

If you lie to what should be your most loved and important person, how can a virtual stranger on the internet trust you with anything at all? Playing with someone you meet on the internet is risky enough as it is. I (or any other likeminded indvidual) do not need the added anxiety because a prospective playmate has already proven themselves to be less than hoest with their spouse/partner.

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