All good things must come to an end...  

rm_AmorousMan2U 54M
0 posts
7/18/2005 9:50 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

All good things must come to an end...

Last week my wife (Pam) who has been my partner in the swinging and BDSM lifestyle made it clear she no longer wishes to be in either lifestyle. Unfortunately that means we are getting divorced and going our separate ways. This is obviously a huge loss for me and I will be grieving that loss over time. But I'm already accepting the fact that it is for the best. I want Pam to be happy and achieve her God given potential. If her heart is no longer in the lifestyle, then she should go wherever her heart leads. I have released her from her vows and set her free to pursue her destiny.

Pam and I met via a telephone dating service about seven years ago. My ad was very clear about the kind of long term kinky relationship I was looking for that I was looking for. During our first encounters I tied Pam down and gave her a good spanking before doing her doggy style. She had been into BDSM before we met and we seemed to be an excellent fit.

Pam introduced me to swinging (she had been with another couple before we met) and we had several encounters in homes and at swingers conventions. I thought she really enjoyed the whole scene (I know I did/do!)

However, in hindsight I can see the signs that Pam was never fully committed to the lifestyle. After we got married (over four years ago), Pam generally remained submissive, but was no longer turned on by spankings, etc. Also, I realize now that Pam always needed to be drunk (and I do mean drunk) while we were swinging.

A couple years ago Pam realized that alcohol was ruining her life. So she chose sobriety and has been sober ever since which shows admirable character and has earned everyone's respect. We stopped swinging while she was going through counseling and getting through those first difficult months/years. For me it was a sacrifice to "turn off" that part of my personality after it had been fully awakened, but I was willing to put that part of myself on hold to give her time to make her sobriety stick. I assumed that after a year or two we could reinvigorate that part of our relationship. We also started attending a local church last year to add more spirituality to our lives. Unfortunately some judgemental religion came with it which made Pam conflicted about the lifestyle (I've since switched to a Unity church which welcomes all lifestyles). So the bottom line is that Pam no longer wants to be married to a dominant polyamorous man (me). There are other parts of our marriage that weren't working but I won't go into all that. Suffice it to say this is not the only reason for us to call it quits - but for me giving up the lifestyle was the "deal breaker".

So there you go. Has anyone else had this type of experience? Do you agree/disagree that we should get divorced rather than for me to give up polyamory? Is there anyone out there who is looking for a man like me (wow, that grieving process is moving along fast) Please add a comment with your thoughts and feelings.

Become a member to create a blog