sometimes i wonder about myself...  

rm_AmishAmy 100F
842 posts
1/26/2006 7:59 pm

Last Read:
4/4/2006 5:15 pm

sometimes i wonder about myself...


all in all......i'm a decent person
i can be considerate
and giving...loving
at times...

but there are moments
more moments here lately
when all i consider is myself...
i'm not proud of that...
most times i don't realize it
until it's too late...

i mistreat and hurt the people
that don't deserve that
at all...

the intent is not there
but that doesn't lessen the pain
i subject with my insensitivity...

he clocked out at 8am....
packed a few things
downed a couple of cups of coffee
filled the car up and drove
6 hours...
no sleep...
dependent on adrenaline...
just to surprise me...
just to spend some time with me...

"aren't you happy to see me?"
he asked....
and i hesitated.....
i hesitated....
i saw the hurt in his eyes
while he waited for me to answer...

after my generic "of course i am"
i fucked it up further with the excuse
that i was just surprised and a little put off
because now i had to change my plans...

what a bitch.....
and i couldn't stop at slight damage...
i had to go for it...
jiggle the knife a little more....
he had enough....
"jesus christ baby....i don't know what the hell you want"
i wanted to tell him that made two of us...
but before i realized it....
he was gathering his things...
and out the door....

he's not answering his cell
why should he...
it's me

rm_Ptalk1155 34M
3450 posts
1/26/2006 8:38 pm

It happens...we're not perfect. It'll get better


elbman 41M  
2566 posts
1/27/2006 1:05 am

Why are you down on yourself for an honest response? Sometimes we have this little picture in our heads of how things should go.....riding into the sunset, happily ever after, blah blah blah....if reality were only that easy. Be honest with yourself and those around you .

BTW--You need to make sure that you are looking after yourself in the process of working to make others happy. You will never be a complete person otherwise.


bulging_boy 49M

1/27/2006 4:18 am

Amy,

this is the first time I've visited your blog.

I'd be inclined to say that it's unfair for you to bear the guilt for someone elses hope.

I don't pretend to understand who this person is, and what the relationship is, but you don't drive 6 hours on a whim to surprise someone like that.

Judging by your response... I'd say that if you had any questions about them and any part they were to play in your life... you answered them with the shock and hesitation.

Please don't feel bad for being unable to respond how they expected.


RockPebble 69M
2476 posts
1/28/2006 1:41 pm

We all step on our dick once in a while. Give him a chance to chill out, then if he's as good as you think he is he'll listen to you. Now spend some time figuring out what to say and how to say it.


norprin5 55M

1/29/2006 6:54 pm

i once made a drive like that to surprise my girlfriend - ended up surprising her with another guy... the whole thing could have been avoided by her telling me she didn't want me around.

Amy, do you want this guy around? if not, tell him.

*hugs* we're all insensitive sometimes, honey...

King Nor XVIII


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