|Blogs > rm_36specialk > Can someone tell me why???|
How I spent my day...
How I spent my day...
I've got nothing to write about today.
You wanna know how I spent my day...I drove 3 hours this afternoon after having the best sex ever with Mr.X. Then during my drive I informed him via telephone that I need to back off and not be too serious about him for a while. I am falling for him and it SCARES ME TO DEATH!!!
I can't be in love. Not with him. He's absolutely perfect and I am soooo flawed. He's young, never been married, wants to have kids, has a very bright future. He's smart, sweet, witty, charming, devistatingly handsom. All of the qualities that I want in man. However, I feel like I'd be cheating him out of something by staying with him or being too serious right now. I've already been married (15 years), I've got 2 kids, can't have anymore, have my career, own my home and am set in my ways.
I feel like he needs to experience some of these things and if he stays with me I'll be cheating him out of them.
It is absolutely ripping my heart apart but I know it's what's best for him. Otherwise I'm also just setting myself up for disappointment down the road. I figure, why prolong the heart break when I can get it overwith now and it won't be quite so bad. I'd rather cheat myself than to cheat him. Staying with him would be selfish of me.
This day really bites ass.
I'm sad and heartbroken and it's my own selfish fault.
I know I'm whining but this is my blog and I'll do as I please.
11/18/2005 9:00 pm
You know,,,you may be right about him,only you would know. However,you would be the one to know when and where to let down that guard and let somebody love you.You have the intelligence to know so don't complicate it. Some of us have trouble using both mind and heart in this decision,beware one doesn't cause the other to make a mistake ! To put it simply,we sometimes have to compromise 'self' wants to fulfill 'self' needs with relationships. The song says,' you don't always get what you want,but if you try sometimes,you get what you need.' No perfect one for any of us, why ? Hey,none of 'us' are perfect,,,thus the compromise. Stop thinking like a guy,lol!!!|