|Blogs > rm_36specialk > Can someone tell me why???|
Have you ever felt like you're "stuck"?
That's how I feel lately...stuck. I can't move forward, and I won't go back so I'm just hanging out, waiting for someone to make a move or to gain the courage to move myself.
I didn't spend Thanksgiving the way I wanted. I spent it with my Mom and Dad and 3 of my brothers and my children. But as the day passed and night grew closer, my family went home, I chauffered my children to their dad and I retired to my house alone. I lay there on the couch watching CSI and my phone rang. It wasn't who I wanted it to be but I was surprised by who it was. I wanted it to be Mr.X so badly, but instead it was my best friend who is also my co-worker (we run the restaurant together, he's sort of my assistant but not really...it's a long story). Anyway, I was surprised that he called me because he doesn't call me just to talk usually because we see each other every day. But he called just to check on me and make sure that I had a nice holiday and to make sure I was OK. I was touched, it actually made my day.
Now we all know my views about romance in the workplace, and we all know that I love this man more than anyone else outside of my family. But he actually surprised me. Got those little flitters of butterflies all stirred up. I've gotta get over and beyond this, and I'm sure I will snap back to reality. ***snap*** OK, I'm back. LOL
So, later Mr.X did call me. We talked about our days, I told him all about my day and he said he'd studied all day. He's quite nervous about a test he has to take next weekend. It's a very important and very difficult test and I don't blame him for being nervous. I tried to reassure him that he's going to do great. He's still a bundle of nerves. I'm just going to give him space to study this week and let him know that I'll be here when he's done with all of this stuff. I didn't get to spend my holiday with him and I didn't tell him how I feel about him. I know, I know, I'm just a friggin chicken. If I tell him then he has all power over me to break my heart. I'm just gonna wait and tell him when he's done with the test.
I'm alright now though, not obsessing over it anymore. I wrote down exactly how I feel about him and everything I want to tell him when the time is right. That way I won't forget anything, I'm bad about forgetting things.
So, how was your Thanksgiving? I hope you found lots of things to be thankful for. I did...
I am thankful for my children and their health, I'm thankful for my parents and that they are doing as well as they are.
I'm thankful for my job and my friend that I work with everyday, I love him more than I could say (by the way, I tell him everyday that I love him). I am thankful for so many things that the little bad things that happen to me don't seem to matter much.
Did I tell you that I got arrested the day before Thanksgiving and spent an hour and a half in jail? Hmmmmm....that'll be a story for another day. lol. It was quite funny actually, but not really. I didn't do anything violent or bad or morally wrong, just a little oversite on my part on something very important. Anyway, I hope your Thanksgiving was great!!
11/25/2005 12:38 pm
Thanks for sharing K.|
It sounds like you've resolved some things in your mind regarding MrX. I'm sure things will be better once you share your feelings. Everyone has nerves about sharing their emotions, especially if they've been hurt. But, we all have to get through life, and every experience teaches us something about ourselves. It's great you have a co-worker that's a friend too. Nice to have someone to share things with 8 hours (or more) a day, but isn't on the "emotions" list (or is he ).
I was thankful I could spend some time with my mom and my brother and his family. I was also glad that the trip home was uneventful (we passed a three car accident on the highway, probably caused by the icy conditions; I'm sure the holiday for those involved was not ending too well).
Hope your legal troubles are, or will be, quickly resolved.