More about me  

reverend21 49M
1017 posts
5/30/2006 6:51 pm

Last Read:
6/4/2006 12:19 am

More about me

I put a lot into my posts, 100 thing about me

but I have more to tell, some blogs recently hit home with me, reading them hurt, deep down in places I did not think I could hurt any more.

I am hesitant to tell these things as the peolple I have shared this information with have grown distant.

1. I was raised by an alcohoic
2. He was physically and mentally abusive
3. One night when we had to flee ourhome, my brother me
4. My first night hunting for terrorist I was stapped, so was my partner.
5. I was sliced to the bone and did not eve realise it.
6. My partner was too, me in the arm, him in the thigh.
7. the knife that stabbed me was clean, his was tainted. He had to have his leg removed shortly after being stabbed. He recently passed after many years of refusing to give up.
8. I was ran over by terrorist in a car a few monthes later, we got him, turned him over to that country, and he was freed along with all the other terrorist some years ago. The US military is curently hunting him in Asia.
9. I severly Injured my shoulder resuing three small children from a burning house. Thier mother had stabbed the oldest in the back and left him for dead along with the two youngest locked in an upstairs room.
10. I was working three jobs in attempt to give my ex the life style she demaded. After six monthes of taking care of my son, cleaning the house and doing the dishes, all the outside work, and working three jobs with an average of 18 hrs a week sleep time, I found my self in the cardio care unit.
11. My last memeory before waking up there was hearing my ex tell her Mom, "just leave him there"
12. Shortly after this I discovered her boyfriend.
13. thanks to the Gulf War I have some health conditions that forced me into medical retirement. I went 12 years with undiganosed illnesses, Doctors just kept telling me it was in my head. they looked everywhere for explanations, except where I told them to look. finally One doctor listened.
14. For many years my worst fear was that I might follow in my Fathers foot steps, or in my brother's for that matter.
15. My ex tortured me with this knowledge constantly
16. My ex made a big joke of my failing health as often as possible.
17. Since medical retirement I have found that I am physically able to carry on somewaht a normal life.
18. There are somedays when I need the assistance of a cane, and others that are worse, 2 or 3 days a month.
19. lately a lot of old thoghts and memories have been haunting me.
20. the blogs of abuse and have caused old memories to rear their ugly heads and cause pain long forgotten.
21. Seeing my son abbused by his mother hurts and being helpless to do anything about it has hurt more than I could have ever imagined.
22. I am honest, so when people ask me about my retirement I tell them, several women have told me they don't anything to do with me afterwards.
23. I am positive, but severely realistic, reality has proven to me several times to be that way.
24. I have the wonderful knack of saying the one thing, that even though it is meant well, is taken very wrongly.

I have seen some of the worst things most people can never be able to imagine, walked through the fires more times than I should have. I have been judged by bigotry several times, for being white, for being Irish, for being half Indian, for being male, and the list goes on.

Still I push on, attemting to find humor in any and everything everywhere I go. Refusing to let chilvary and good amnners die. Helping those that have been forgotten and overlooked when ever I can. I have been called a hero a few times, I don't see it, I just did and do waht has to be done. I have been called handsom, well I think I am, but I don't expect everyone to see thing the same way I do. I am flattered by any and all attention I get, whether it is welcome or not. Hopefully this will explain a few things about me that people have been wondering, and why I disappear from time to time.


phoenix639 49F

5/31/2006 3:00 am

You are a good man.

I am honest, so when people ask me about my retirement I tell them, several women have told me they don't anything to do with me afterwards....i know where youre coming from with this, as when i mention certain things to people often they also run for the hills.

They cant see that you/we/us have survived horrific times & come through a stronger person for it. All some can see is....trauma & some issues. They are not issues they are events that have shaped us into better human beings.

To pull through events as such only the strong can cope.

I have an optimistic outlook but can be very pessimistic too. I try to see the good in people but some just grate on me & i cannot have anything to do with that person.

Those who walk away from another because of past traumas....are weak & lack backbone.


reverend21 replies on 5/31/2006 3:30 am:
I agree, but it hurts none the less

papyrina 51F
21133 posts
5/31/2006 5:47 am

sorry i wrote that blog hun

What a life you have lived and i mean really lived,yep some very bad parts but like you have and others have told me,its the good stuff that always shines through eventually,its all this stuff that has made you the real man you are today,warm,intelliagant,thoughtful and friendly,hugs


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


reverend21 replies on 5/31/2006 6:06 am:
nah, don't be sorry, sooner or later i had to deal with memories I have tried to forget. No matter how fast or how far you run, bad memories always catch up to you. It's how we deal with them that matters.

kelly402005 52F

5/31/2006 5:55 pm

You go boy.......
lean on me, I'm here for you.

I'm kinda getting you now. I read people well, in person, here....... it's hard as hell.

Chin up....... blow it off. Do what you have to do.

~~ Fortunately, I'll never hit my 100th!!!! YES!!!!


reverend21 replies on 5/31/2006 6:34 pm:
ah so that's why you keep going back and erasing your old blog entries, shy about letting us know more about you?

anyway, i hope this helps you to understand that while I may seem to have a harsh outlook, I mean the best

Juliet610 51F

6/1/2006 1:59 am

Ash,

My Gram used to say, "That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger." You and I both have endured more than most and consequently are pretty strong people. But would we trade the experiences that have made us strong? That's a tough call. My gut reaction is, "In a heartbeat!" for certain ones. But then I think about the lives I've been blessed to touch because of those very experiences, and I have to stop and think. And I just don't know. Hang in there and know that your heart was and is in the right place. Some people take offense too easily, and no matter what you do, you can't please them. Know that you matter to many of us here, and tho we may not say it often enough, we do care. A hug for you, my friend.

Julie


reverend21 replies on 6/1/2006 3:36 am:
hugs are always welcome

ohsodelicious 57F
1922 posts
6/2/2006 3:11 pm

rev{=} The people who really count are those who accept you as you are...for who you are The rest are not worth the time...You already know how I feel about your ex...bitch is really to tame of a term

Hugs...OhSo{=}


reverend21 replies on 6/4/2006 12:20 am:
Well, I don't run into many of those who count, not in person anyway

MOfunNOWWOW 55F

6/3/2006 11:21 pm

Awesome post and I have to agree that what doesnt kill us makes us stonger. I wouldnt trade one thing, one moment, because I would have missed out on all the blessing as well. Money, disabilities, tragedies, all of that do make the person a stonger person and it is the person within that is important and special. It has been my honor to know you and it is just gravy as said before that your easy on the eyes. Great post and this type of post is very special becaue it reaches out to those with similar problems that have no one to turn to. Big kudos Rev!


MOMO
just a squirrel trying to get a nut


reverend21 replies on 6/4/2006 12:21 am:
Yep, that's me, always there for everyone else

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