False advertising...  

revelinthedance 34M
44 posts
3/15/2006 1:34 pm

Last Read:
3/29/2006 1:08 pm

False advertising...


So, what did we all get on this site for? I'm guessing there would be numerous responses to that question, but "sex" would be a more prevalent response than most. Still, there are some profiles on here that say they are looking for friends or people to show them around a new area. This, I can completely respect. I've even attempted to get in contact with numerous of these people with no expectation other than to hang out, perhaps get some food, play pool, stroll around, go to clubs maybe. I never have anything against meeting new friends, just so long as that is what you say you are out for.

If someone says they are out for friends and that turns into something more, or a friends with benefits situation, then fine. If someone says that they are out for friendships, and all they want to do is jump your bones when you meet, I guess that's okay on occasion, despite being kind of weird. If someone says that they are out for sex, and then they tell you that they are only looking for friends after you spend the time to get to know one another through e-mail, phone conversations, etc., well that is just fucked up. Again, it isn't that I have a problem with meeting people with whom I only want to make friends, but a successful friendship can never come from something that is predicated on bullshit.

People enter situations with certain expectations. If those expectations are only manufactured by that person, then it is their own damned fault if they get disappointed. When those expectations are cultivated by the second party, and then deliberately destroyed by that second party, then the second party just so happens to be a jackass. This also tells the first person something about the one who deliberately cultivated falsehoods. First and foremost is that they are a LIAR! I, for one, cannot abide by liars. Lying is, next to theft, the purest form of cowardice, and I have no respect for cowards.

I have met two people on this site that have cultivated these falsehoods through long conversation, both on this site and over the phone, picture exchange giving the exact physical appearance of the parties involved as to avoid surprise, and, when we met, they informed me that they were really looking for friends. At least one of these people, had she not began our association with all of that bullshit, I would still socialize with. Had she informed me from the beginning that she was only looking for friends, I would have been happy to oblige. The other, however, was mind-numbing to speak to at all. Still, using the former as an example, this person has bereft themselves of any and all appeal, not because we didn't fuck each other, but because the entire association was founded on a falsehood. Pardon me as I clear my throat and calmly say: "Liar. Liar. Pants on fire."

If you want friends, say it. If you want fuck buddies, say it. If you want one-night-stands, say it. If you want long-term-relationships, say it. Then you'll be a lot more likely to meet people that you mesh with. I fancy myself a fairly up-front person, and I have not qualms about saying what I want, what occurs to me, or answering any and all questions that are put to me. Why does this seem to be so rare? I don't get the logic behind this whole misrepresenting one's self thing? Structures built on bullshit will eventually sink into it, and then you're stuck with an architectural failure that smells like shit. Why is that a good thing to some people?

angelgrrl 48F

3/15/2006 2:04 pm

Usually when a woman tells a man that, it's because she doesn't want a sexual relationship with you. You can't tell from pictures if you're going to be attracted to someone. And honestly, there is a very good chance that they were just as disappointed as you were


pet_humility 48F

3/15/2006 2:43 pm

You explained that so well. I couldn't agree more with you.

This statement you made >> but a successful friendship can never come from something that is predicated on bullshit.
is exactly why friendships don't last long. I think if your upfront right off the bat on what you want, then there is no drama later. It also gives either one of you the choice to continue or bail..


revelinthedance 34M

3/15/2006 8:47 pm

Disappointment isn't the problem. I've met up with a couple of people who I just wasn't feeling it with, or visa versa, and been totally up front about it. That I'm fine with. After the up front thing, anything goes. Friends or whatever. It's not that I was so unbelievably horny that being turned down by someone crushed my libido. It is that some people who I've talked to for a while will actually try and maintain a friendship with me after informing me that they, despite what they say on the site, are only out for a network of friends. I'm not asking or expecting that I will have a sexual relationship with everyone I meet. What I am asking is that everyone be brave enough, or have enough confidence in themselves, to be honest and still get what they want. If these people said that they only wanted friendships and left it at that, with no more contact, I would completely understand what the problem was, and I'm far from too proud to admit that I'm not everyone's type, in looks and especially in personality. That is completely fine with me. What chaps my ass is that some people will give you that line, and then actually try to maintain a friendship afterwards. They call and ask if you want to hang out, play pool, have a drink, etc. I have no problem doing any of those things with people, but I'm saying that I have a hard time maintaining a relationship of any type with someone when it is, as I mentioned, predicated on bullshit.


angelgrrl 48F

3/16/2006 4:50 am

Oooh, gotcha. It's possible that you have such an awesome personality that they do want to stay friends. I actually have had that happen, where there wasn't a mutual attraction but we got along so well, we did become friends


revelinthedance replies on 3/29/2006 1:06 pm:
I must say that I'm skeptical about me having just that great or appealing of a personality. This is, of course, not a challenge to your statement, but more a recognition of some of my more abrasive personality traits. I have had long lasting friendships with people that I went out with once or twice and one or both of us just wasn't feeling it. I have yet to have a "friendship" work out with someone from this site who was just spewing bullshit and later recanted.

mycin62 54F

3/18/2006 11:24 pm

I think we all start out here looking for sex, come on, it IS a sex site. How we go about it is another thing. I think we all know that we are NOT going to have sex with every person we meet on here. I try to be up front with the people that I meet and say I AM looking for a steady sex partner, but I need to get to know you first and see if we click, if there's an attraction. I have met some people here that I haven't been attracted to, but am still friends with.

I can't stand the liars either, with me, because I'm a bi woman, I get a lot of women contacting me, then after we talk and meet, they tell me they want a 3-some with their man. Well, my add clearly states that I'm NOT into that. That really pisses me off!! Sorry, just had to get that off my chest.

Cin


revelinthedance replies on 3/29/2006 1:08 pm:
No worries. I'm happy to help you get anything you like off of your chest. Up front is a great thing. I'm not easily offended and can take any amount of honest anyone cares to give. I just don't like being misled as to motive. Of course, I have an inherent distrust for virtually everyone, so my irritation at this is somewhat strange I suppose.

RedheadedMedStd 34F

3/29/2006 10:53 am

Eeehh, your always gonna find aarchitects that build on poo, just roll with it. They'll get theirs, plus they may just not be adult enough to say, Ummm, ok you look way different than I perceived ith those pictures, sorry, so not ok with how you look. I've done that, not in those actual words, I just try to be a little more subtle.

What would frustrate you more though? Someone who told you they didn't want to see you at all when you are really into them or someone who said they would hang with you that you could care less about? Just curious...


revelinthedance replies on 3/29/2006 1:01 pm:
Frustrate is an interesting word choice... I'm a pretty emotionally removed person, as was evident in my first post on your blog, so I'm probably not coming from the same kind of perception of the situation. If I had taken enough time to get to know someone and get really into them, then them saying that they don't want to see me at all anymore, that would definitely be harder to handle than the other scenario. If it is a person I just met and felt a solid connection with that isn't mutual, that's easy. 2 minutes and I'm over it. I'll go have a cup of coffee, read a book, and not think about it anymore. It would certainly be more frustrating/annoying to keep someone out of your life who tried to weasel their way in there when you didn't want them to.

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