|Blogs > regimental_kilt > Under The Kilt|
Last nights pervert moment...
Last nights pervert moment...
Long one today. Sit down, shut up, buckle in and brace yourselves.
The temps were left to their own devices last night, sorting mail while the actual company employees went to a benefits meeting. Mostly a nice, large 'this is your jar of vaseline so it goes easy when you bend over and take it' speech, followed by snacks. Yay snacks! The dinkelbergs have snacks, why don't I have any snacks? I digress.
So we're looking at the not-so big pile of mail to get done, and my milf coworker is hoping we run out so we can hand-stuff. Hand-stuffing is what it sounds like - hand inserting pages into envelopes on jobs too small to be worth using a machine. She says something to the effect of how much she likes hand stuffing, so I had to look up and ask her if she was really that into getting fisted. Instead of the smack I was expecting, I got a smile, a blush, and what I hope was a saunter w/ extra hip action as she wandered off to check the other side of the machine. Either I'm cuter than I think, or she's gathering events such as this to use at my sexual harrassment trial. Anywho, hence the 'aroused' mood - that girl can sure walk away from someone.
I also got all but called a wasp last night. Which upsets me. I fulfill the W part. No angle or saxxon blood, as far as I can tell. I'm german, scottish, swedish, and welsh. Swedes and Germans can be crossed off the anglo-saxxon list 1pretty readily. The Scotts and Welsh were celtic, not angles. And oh yeah, I'm not a protestant. That leaves me with WTCA: White Teutono-Celt Atheist. Hard to pronounce, easy to enjoy. The last girl that was allowed to call me a WASP did so on the condition that I be allowed to refer to her as my 'Spic-y Chicky'.
And for those of you who already dislike me for my abject skinniness, be ready to truly hate me. I'm having problems keeping weight on. I'm down about 5 pounds, and of all things my pants are trying to jump off my lack of ass. I somehow managed to lose size off of my waist and hips when I had no fat to lose there. I'd really like to know how I managed that. So of course I must hitch my pants on a regular basis, and any fellow boxer wearer can tell you where excessive hitching gets you: wedgietown. My boxers stay put pretty well, but every time I hitch, they ride up a little due to friction w/ my jeans. Sorta like the pendulum in 'The Pit And The Pendulum', but:
a) going upwards
b) harder to get away from
c) more uncomfortable
So I spent the night walking around feeling like I'm sitting on piano wire. I wish I could top 10% body fat, as staying warm would be nice this winter, with the added bonus of my pants staying where I put them. You may be disgusted with me now.
Since I'm complaining about my inescapable skinniness, I might as well grump about my lack of butt. I have a negative shovel butt. Some of you may know what a shovel butt is. For those that don't, it's a pair of buns, or what are called buns out of pity, that resemble the convex side of a spade-style shovel - just barely rounded w/ a shallow little indent. Mine got installed backwards. Somehow I have been graced with negative ass mass. It contravenes several laws of physics and good taste in general, but there you have it. Besides, if you wanted good taste, you wouldn't have made it this far.
1.2 Yes I know saxxons were germanic, but north germanic, I'm more central. Franks territory, if I remember right. Hard to keep all them barbarians straight. Could very well have been visigoths. You know, those obstinately non-invisible people who insist on wearing pale makeup, too much eyeshadow, and vinyl clothing that often makes them look like some sort of plastic sausage.
2. Yes, I'm doing footnotes now. Some of my longer paranthetical rants have found a new home near the bottom of the barrel, where they belong.