My view on polyamory  

redmustang91 57M  
8701 posts
7/10/2006 9:53 am

Last Read:
7/10/2006 9:56 am

My view on polyamory


Marriage is not necessarily synominous with fidelity. In fact my guess is less than 10% of all marriages are totally faithful by both spouses over the entire marriage.

I think fidelity is the wrong ideal; unrealistic and unhealthy. This ideal stupidly leads to many divorces and unhappiness. There are many good reasons to divorce: cruelty, violence, extreme inconsideration, lack of shared values and fun, inadequate money, stress, incompatible schedules, refusals to share responsibilites, mental and physical extreme disabilities, incompatible relgions, insufferable relatives, drug addiction, etc.

One partner having a greater sex drive than the other is not a good reason for divorce, in my view.

I try to be very careful to not upset my wife and I have no desire to cause her pain. She is sexually inhibited and I am less so. I have various inhibitions, but I am working on overcoming them.

I have only had a few affairs in my long years of marriage. I have generally seen ladies who are unhappily married. We chat a few times a week and share sex perhaps twice a month. This relationship goes on for months or years. It may continue or it may not.

I do not feel guilty about my infidelity for many reasons. At one level sex is like eating. There is nothing wrong with sharing a meal with a friend and sharing dinner with your spouse. They are separate events and separate pleasures. Polyamory if you will. I don't feel guilty when I masturbate instead of having sex with my spouse either.

I made no vow of fidelity to my wife and ask none of her. I expect her to have other lovers after I die, and she had them before I met her and for a while after I met her! I think she has had them during our marriage, but I am not sure and do not intend to discover the truth. That is her choice. I think the act of sharing your body with another is a voluntary choice for sexual adults and an act of love and affection. You can have affection for a friend and still love your spouse. I can at least. If you cannot, then that is your view of the world.

When I was younger I became infatuated with the thought of love. But the reality of love over time is different. I share many common interests and good things with my wife, but my sexuality is my own and I claim my right to it. I have more than enough for her and several others!

Oddly enough this morning my wife complained I am around the house too much for her taste and I should travel more and go away so she can have more space and alone time! Seems I am too attentive and available, too sexual and thus "bug" her. Unlike many other males, perhaps? I am me and not someone else.

Shows you cannot win in life, no matter how you try...

If you want to flame me, think about why you feel motivated to castigate another person for expressing an honest world view that is different from yours.

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