Everybody farts!  

redmustang91 57M  
8809 posts
7/11/2005 8:17 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Everybody farts!

There is something funny about farts! Like failure, farts are an orphan, while everyone wants to claim success. Whoopi Goldberg and Howard Stern have made money and part of their comic success on their air biscuit mastery. Children and some males love the joy of bodily functions. Farts are so anti-Victorian! Ladies disapprove, which is part of the fun.

Because laughing is the most fun you can have with your clothes on, I support farting! Such simple pleasures are so stress releiving.

I am opposed to the practice of the "Dutch oven" where men (generally) seek to impose their fart gas on unwilling women trapped under the bedcovers. A barbaric practice!

I found several good discussions of farting on the internet and this priceless story:

"One teacher in particular takes great umbrage to flatulence in her classroom. She simply will not have it. She is one of my favorite teachers. She spent most of her career in the military (I think as a drill sergeant which makes her perfect for the role of elementary school teacher), and she teaches in her semi-retirement. She rails extensively against farting; she prohibits the picking of boogers; and she orders them funky fingers out their mouths. One day she was seated on the carpet, reading to the circle of kids. (To properly perceive the scene you need to understand that this school system encourages ‒ nay, insists ‒ that the teachers call the children “to the carpet” periodically throughout the day. This is an open area, away from their desks, where they can sit on a rug, and feel casual and comfortable for readings and so forth.) So she was reading “The Three Little Pigs” or something like that, and a kid let fly, as is often the case, and she publicly berated him. Then she launched into a lecture against public airing, telling the kids they ought to control themselves. Once she had finished railing against public flatulence, she attempted to lift her mighty girth from the carpet. Being the slightly older, slightly substantial self that she is, it went with a heave ho, and a heave ho, and then… in mid heave ‒ she let fly, with intense audibility. With knees bent, and body half lifted between the seated and standing position, she expelled an excruciatingly obvious lower-digestive blast.

Mind you, this took place on a carpet where everyone was sitting down, and the kids encircled her. She attempted to stand up with great ceremony, denouncing the act of public farting ‒ all eyes upon her in silent awe.

I have never seen a group of kids fall apart screaming like that before, and never shall I see it again. Screaming, with tears in their eyes, falling on top of each other, rolling on the floor. There were two other adults in the room, including myself, and we just stood up and walked into the hallway, tears in our eyes. I think the laughter continues to echo to this day."

Jessica Simpson is known for her flatulence; this lovely lady has done a great public service by getting the subject of fart gas better discussed!

I will close with a great story from my youth! I was on a first date with a girl I liked. I was 17 and she was a college student who was clearly no virgin. I hoped to finally get laid. We had a great time and had been together for several hours. She was alone in her bed and we had been making out! I had not farted for hours and had this tremendous need to unload! I excused myself to use the bathroom next door. Finally I could peacefully let go! I unloaded the mother of all farts that resonated like thunder off the tile walls, and lasted at least 45 seconds. Suddenly to my horror I heard gales of laughter coming from the room next door! Her bed was next to the bathroom, and the cheap construction had paper thin walls! She was no longer in the mood for sex and I was too embarassed! I never did manage to have sex with her! I blame the mother of all farts for prolongng my virginity by at least six months.

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