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To Whom It May Concern-
Lawyers are by the far the most evil creation put on this earth. But that does not mean that they cannot be useful. Take for instance the topic of divorce, an evil little bastard could be very handy indeed. Now, I'm a 33 year old white man, who is currently living in Washington State, and in a divorce a lawyer can actually be your new best friend. Just give away every last penny in your possession to one of these fine outstanding individuals and watch them go! It's almost like having a life sized wind up doll. Hell, you don't even need to give them any money, just get a free phone consult and they want to attack. You can almost hear the blood dripping from there fangs as they feast off there last fresh kill.
Now I started off a little ahead of myself, I mean this is a forum for me to rant away with whatever is on my mind, I did warn you in the header after all, but let me provide you with some background. Yes, I am still a 33 year old white guy. Anyway, I was, I still am, currently separated from my wife of six years and one day. Yes, six years and one day, no the anniversary was not all that great and there lays my decision to split, just kidding! No for reasons that I don't really feel like going into we split up ..... Who am I kidding, we all want to know why we split up, has reality TV taught us nothing?? "I want to know why!" OK, little Jimmy I'll tell you why! Because we never meant to be together in the first place. OK real quick, my wife and I dated on and off for four years prior to getting married, did I mention ON and OFF. Oh yeah I did. And in those four years we never stayed together longer (than I think) six months. Outstanding base for a relationship, I mean I think we broke up with each other at least three times in the first year alone! So remember boys and girls the lesson for today is no matter how much sexual attraction you have for someone that does not mean that that they will make a good partner in a marriage!
So yeah, like I said we never did have a solid and stable base to build off of in the first place. Now why did the marriage in itself break up? Well, we could base this off several factors:
#1- The dreaded Communication Factor. I mean, someone should have told me that people were really serious about this whole "you have to talk to your wife" thing! What the hell?
#2- The Sex Factor. I know that your suppose to keep things lively, but come on! It was like going back to work after a 13 hour day at the office. Do you want to have sex? What do you want to do while we're having sex? Should we put some porn in? Who's getting off first? Etc, etc, etc.
#3- The Trying to Have Children Factor. Take the Sex Factor and now put it to a monthly schedule that resembles that old fat dude from the Dunkin Donuts commercials only this time it's "time to make the baby." Now be unsuccessful for three years and start to look for the rope to hang yourself with because you feel like a failure.
#4- The Iraq Factor. Imagine this, you just came back from a 8 to 12 hour patrol, it was on average for the day a 100 something degrees, you are wearing close to 80 lbs of gear besides your normal body weight and you have been walking around in someone else's shit the whole time having an entire neighborhood give you the evil eye, trying to communicate with your hands and rifle muzzle when all of a sudden some Haji decides to: throw a grenade, place an IED, fire off a RPG, start shooting his AK, at you. Now hopefully no one has been hurt, hopefully you caught/killed the little bastard, and you go back to the FOB and decide hell it's been at least a week, let's call the wife. Now after standing in line for at least an hour, because everyone else has the same idea, you get a hold of her and she starts complaining about what a bad day she's having at the office.....that's just the start of the Iraq factor. Refer the Communication Factor for any other references.
#5- The Money Factor. "What you mean I got to pay bills, put money into savings account, buy house, and diversify???????" "You mean it's not here for me to get drunk, buy fast food, stupid electronics crap that no one REALLY needs?"
Well, there you go six years and one day, of course I did not address every little issue, hell me going on about the topic of surfing porn on the net would read like a Greek tragedy alone. So the decision is made by two people who used to say I love you at the end of every phone conversation, before leaving the house, prior to going to sleep, to split up and the next person you call is some blood sucking jackass who stresses that you need "representation" to protect your "assets." He, he, he I said "ass." There you go 10 years down the drain, if I'm lucky I'll get my truck with over 80,000 miles, a really old TV, and a PS2. What exactly am I paying $250 an hour for? Two Hundred and Fifty Dollars an HOUR, 60 minutes. For nothing, I tell you, little blood sucking son of a bitch, I should go beat the crap out of every lawyer I meet, hell there ought to be a "Beat a Lawyer Down Like a Bitch" month, why not May, that sounds good, everyone ought to raise up and destroy the legal system! Yes kill them all!!! Oh wait a minute man, is that my cell phone ringing? Sweet it's my lawyer! I gotta take this....I'll be right back...
7/7/2005 2:20 pm
Dang those attorneys!!! I have worked with them and know that some are good, some are horrid.....|
Best of luck sorting through all the mess.... and, when it is all over, and your are ready to pick up the pieces again... take a deep breath... know that everything will be okay in the end...
8/21/2005 1:05 am
I loved that, that was so funny. I know what your going through, I'm in the middle of a divorce myself and I know. So anyway, you seem like a cool guy and I hope all goes well. Don't forget an update!!! Can't wait for more - Stacy|