Good Morning???  

rawknroll5150 48M
12 posts
4/4/2006 2:46 am

Last Read:
4/10/2006 8:02 pm

Good Morning???

Well, here I sit at 4 in the freakin' morning...
Nice, huh? Well I have 2 b 2 work by 6am anyhow but it kinda frustrates me when my sleep is so out of whack, although I'm not quite sure if it ever was "in whack". My trouble with sleep dates back to when I was a child. My parents would make me go to bed at 8pm, and I would lie there restless, listening to whatever it was they were watching on TV usually right up until they went to bed at 10 or 10:30. When I started my first regular job as a dishwasher when I was 16, I would get done with work between 10 and 11 o’clock and then many nights would be awake until midnight or 1 or 2 in the morning and then I would have to get up at 6:15 for school. I don’t know why but that has been the way it has been my entire life. Even now, as an adult, I am restless until midnight or better and then have to get up at 5am, sometimes 4am, and rarely 3am to be at work. Well, I'm finally takin meds 4 the past yr. 4 my ADD and an anti-depressant that my EAP counselor & my doc thought I should try 2 help me over the emotional hump of our divorce. It all came 2 a head when I was devastated 2 find out that my ex (who @ the time I was makin every effort 2 reconcile with) split town, when she was supposed 2 take r son, 2 have a wknd sexfest in Madison w/ her 24 yo "boytoy". I was gonna rip him a new one, but a lawyer friend of mine, who I called 2 find out the range of consequences I'd face 4 beatin the shit outta this guy, made me promise 2 call my EAP (Employee Assistance Program)(a health benefit of my employer) before I did anything rash and/or stupid. So I did. The next day I had my initial session & was told that despite the fact that I've never felt suicidal or hopeless that an anti-depressant might b in order 2 reduce the night's crying myself 2 sleep, the ache of missing my son (b4 he came 2 live w/ me now), and the general insecurities & feelings of inadequacy a man goes through when experiencing a divorce. The very next day I'd already had a follow-up appt. w/ my doc re: the initial trial period of being on Straterra for the ADD. When I bounced the suggestion off him from my couselor he was more than happy 2 hear it. He said he'd wanted 2 suggest it when I came 2 him 2 b evaluated for ADD but he knew how much it took 4 me 2 b willing 2 admit I needed medication & that he also wanted 2 monitor my progress on the Straterra alone. He gave me some samples that day & since then my emotions r @ a much more even keel & I've yet, since that day, 2 cry myself 2 sleep. I went thru life as the ADD poster child but in my youth there weren't all these labels & meds 4 lack of focus/attention. I was merely labeled "a rowdy kid", "class clown", or "attention seeker". Well, my son began 2 experience some of the same things I did, but also taking 2-3 hours a nite 2 do 45 min. worth of homework. 1 nite, while he was still living w/ his mother but I had him each night until I left 4 work @ 9:15pm, he was still fussing w/ homework. I'd made dinner & was ready 2 serve so I'd already told him 2 finish up, when I told him again, my voice became stern & I said, "Will u hurry the hell up?! Dinner's ready"! He turned around w/ tears welling up in his eyes & said, "I'm sorry, Dad...I just can't keep my mind on my homework....." My heart sank & I felt so badly that I'd become short w/ him. I asked, "Do u wanna make an appt. with the doctor 2 c if there's something that will help u?" He nodded w/o words, I wiped the tears from his cheek and set up the appt. the next day. It made me think, "If my 10 y.o. can recognize a problem & wants 2 seek treatment, what the hell is my problem??" My ex had implored me 2 look in2 meds 4 it but I ignored her pleas. "This is the way God made me & I've been fine & will continue 2 b fine!" When the school wanted my son, in 1st grade, to b evaluated 4 ADD/ADHD, I vehemently opposed, going as far as threatening a law suit on the school district if they tried anything w/o my consent, the whole while glaring at the principal from across her desk, "That's the way God made him! I was fine, he'll b fine! I'm not letting u put my kid on ridalin and making a test rat out of him!" It's amazing what u can c once u take the blinders off....what u can learn...& I learned that I've got a lot 2 that the blinders r off...... Peace.......


4/4/2006 7:53 am

Blessings and healing to you and your son! {=}

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

Pet1960 56F
193 posts
4/4/2006 11:07 pm

HI there. Big hugs for you. It sounds as though you have had a very rough road but are getting through the journey very well. I believe you are very lucky to have your son and he you. I traveled the schools as a parent the very like you have. I have ended that journey....Too bad I can't go back and do it again. Were you at the 4/1 party?

rm_LeoThermal 42M
14 posts
4/5/2006 5:29 am

My best friend has ADD, and maybe that's partly why you remind me of him.

I saw your group post, and some hunting sounds good to me. Hehehe. This weekend isn't good for me, but after that we can just figure out where and when. We could even see if Hooch is down with that. Sounded like he would be. Either way it'd definitely be cool.

So let's shoot for maybe the weekend after next?

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