|Blogs > rad_vlad > Fly or Die|
I was checking my email earlier this morning when I decided to look back at some of my older emails. I'm a bit of a nostalgic person; I tend to form emotional attachments to things that have had a great deal of significance in my life. So I was looking at these emails from two or three years ago, really ancient things, and I noticed that, the further back I went, the more over-represented in my correspondence was my ex-girlfriend. Eventually I got to the last page of the saved emails section and it was nothing but her emails from the early days of our relationship.
I tend not to cry; I guard my emotions like a jealous lover. But looking back at these naive, silly love letters, I was struck by a wave of pain and sadness such as I hadn't felt since the night we broke up. Those messages reminded me of all the reasons I loved her and cared for her, the reasons our relationship lasted as long as it did. For the briefest of moments, I wondered, seriously wondered, if I had made the wrong decision, if I had done something I would regret for the rest of my life.
Then I deleted them all. With authority. I loved her, this is true, but I almost fell into the trap of allowing my nostalgia to blind me from all the reasons the relationship wasn't working. She's a great girl, but she isn't right for me. She isn't right for me because we have no shared interests. She doesn't do any of the things I do or like any of the things I like. This would be ok, except our personalities are so similar that we never discuss or argue about anything. There was nothing to keep the relationship fresh, but I'd never know it from those emails, so they had to go.