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When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.
Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in any more
What are a woman's four favourite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and an ass to pay for it all.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught fire.
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes
Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
How many men does it take to screw a light bulb?
Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
A couple was having a discussion about family finances.
Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here either."