My Boyfriend REALLY Likes My Best Friend's Pussy
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Posted:Feb 3, 2012 2:53 pm
Last Updated:Jul 10, 2012 9:40 pm
70966 Views
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Yes, it's true, my boyfriend really likes my best friend's pussy.......his name is Milo and now he is our pussy. 
My best friend was working on becoming the neighborhood crazy cat lady. Somehow she ended up with 9, count em 9 pussy cats. Recently she has decided to reduce her numbers a bit.
She tried to talk me into taking one......purp said "no"  Yup, purp is smart.  Now Milo LUVS my boyfriend and he fell right into it agreeing to take him. 
Sounds like a perfect plan to permanently cure the mouse problem, eh?  Not so much! LMAO 
Milo is a cat after my own heart.....he is a fat, lazy, non-mouse catching,over-eating, hair shedding feline. 
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16
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They're Back!
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Posted:Dec 5, 2011 9:12 pm
Last Updated:Dec 21, 2011 5:30 pm
72774 Views
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It's that time of the year again and the damn mice are back 
The other night I was laying in bed, channelling my inner platypus, (C-PAP mask) ready to drift blissfully off the dreamland, when I heard that familiar unwelcomed sound ....................
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Bastard mice chewing!
Under the bed? Really? I thought it was bad the year they were gnawing away under the garden tub in the master bathroom - I would hear them when I was laying in bed, swing my foot over the edge of the bed and stomp on the floor, they would stop for a second.......then start right back up again. The cycle repeated ad nauseum, but the bedroom this year? oh my!
Next I saw one of the dirty vermin on the counter in the kitchen next to the stove.
He just sat there like he owned the place giving me the evil eye. I picked up a frying pan and tried to whack him but he was too close to the wall.
That freaky rodent held his ground. 
By now the other half joined in the fun and I was screaming for him to grab him......get him! He tried to wrangle him up by his tail and nearly got bit for his efforts. Then the filthy creature wised up and dove behind the stove.
I felt the need to bleach EVERYTHING in the house.
My best friend, who happens to be turning into the crazy cat lady (she has 9 cats y'all) offered to "loan" me one of her pussies but I have opted for a much more humane tactic...........
P~O~I~S~O~N
Eight lil wedges of poison pellets were strategically placed through the residence and then the waiting game started.
Do y'all know what rodents do when they consume D-con? They search for water because they have an overwhelming thirst.
Day three - SUCCESS!
A teeny, tiny, nasty lil mousie body was floating in the toilet.
*flushing noise*
Woot Woot! 
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Ho Hum
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Posted:Dec 2, 2011 9:25 pm
Last Updated:Dec 17, 2011 8:45 pm
67502 Views
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I have been sick since Thanksgiving Day........what kind of shit is that? I didn't even get to enjoy turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes - I did have pumpkin pie AND pumpkin creme brulee 
As if being sick for 8 days straight wasn't enough I got pulled over on my way to cardiac rehab. Really?
I was tooling along singing loudly and off key along with the radio when I passed a cop going the other way........he flipped on his lights and did a U-ey in the middle of the damn road and as I looked around there were no other cars so I knew it was for me.  What the heck did I do?
The cop claimed he clocked me at 63 in a 45 and asked if I was in a hurry to go somewhere. I told him no, not in a hurry, just heading to Cardiac Rehab Yes, I played that card.........and apparently it worked since the sweet, kind, benevolent officer let me off with a verbal warning and a promise to slow my ass down.
THANK YOU!
I had already mentally added up that the ticket would be $185 and 2 points on my license.......YIKES!
No fever today.......so maybe I am breaking out of whatever I have - here's hoping. I slept 16 hours Wednesday......who does that? AND........more importantly, I missed Half Nekkid Wednesday *gasp
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The Fortune
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Posted:Nov 25, 2011 7:04 pm
Last Updated:Dec 3, 2011 3:51 pm
67694 Views
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This is the fortune I found in my cookie - I swear!
"Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come for miles to watch you burn"
I'm at a loss for words.......
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26
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Wassup - Where's George?
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Posted:Nov 18, 2011 5:22 pm
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2011 8:57 pm
67410 Views
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OK, purp is always the last to know.......what happened to George? ( BHL ) Anybody know and wanna share that info with me? Wassup?
I do NOT like the new format just yet.......maybe it will grow on me? Maybe not! Most of the time I can not troll through the new posts other than page one.....frustrating!
Trailer Towne drama as "Bones", one of our resident bikers, died today - possibly from an overdose. He was only 52 years old. Sad. 
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27
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A Day In The Life
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Posted:Nov 14, 2011 8:35 pm
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2011 6:59 pm
66724 Views
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Well, my idiot brother is no longer an idiot absconder - he turned himself in and then went to rehab. Now one would think rehab would be a nice safe place for just such an idiot, eh?
NOT SO MUCH!
He met a woman there.......related torrid stories of their sex romps at rehab (gross)..........then mentioned her husband was a bit of an issue - her what? Her husband? Some people just can not live drama free.
My 73 year old mother shared her story of getting "mooned" at the local grocery store.......
She said this young girl was shopping the last unseasonably warm day we had here wearing a very short, skimpy sundress. While loading her groceries to pay for them she dropped something ...... and as she bent down to pick it up she mooned my poor dear mother! I asked if she was wearing a thong. Mom said "If she was it was so far up her crack I couldn't see it!" I bet dad was wishing he had gone shopping with her....
Went out for dinner the other day. Sounds lovely, eh? I imagine most people would have simply enjoyed a nice dinner and then gone home for an enjoyable quiet evening with their loved ones ...... OK, maybe I am laying it on a little thick, but suffice it to say purp doesn't have that kind of life........
An innocent trip to the bathroom is where it all went wrong. Since I take three, count em, three kinds of diuretics I am ALWAYS in the bathroom. So, I'm in stall number two when another patron entered stall number one - and proceeded to heave her dinner all over the floor!  amp;
Really?
Check please!
Totally unlrelated to this post, but has anyone else pick up a stalker here before?
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27
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Are You Kidding?
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Posted:Nov 11, 2011 9:09 pm
Last Updated:Nov 18, 2011 5:10 pm
71323 Views
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Ole purp woke up the other day (thats always a good thing) but when I got out of bed to go pee I couldn't walk on my right foot!
I mean my foot was so painful it felt like somebody took a sledge hammer and smashed it down on the top of my foot breaking or dislocating severely every little bone in there. 
I considered crawling.
Now what the fuck could I do to injure myself while I was sleeping? I mean really!
I try to avoid the doctor like the plague - to no avail - I am always seeing a doctor of some kind or another.
Finally caving after about 12 hours of severe pain, I went to the ER cuz I knew I couldn't stand it any more. Of course they recognized me (I'm a frequent flyer) and after that piece of awkward, the doc said it sounded like gout.
Gout?
That sounds horrible! What the heck is gout?
He explained it was gouty arthritis which was very painful, usually flares up overnight, is caused by high uric acid which forms crystals in a person's joints and surrounding tendons. It is 9 times more likely to strike men than women, and only affects 1-2 percent of the population. Eating lots of red meat and drinking large amounts of alcohol can contribute to it as well as taking diuretics (I take three kinds: Bumex, Spironolactone, and Zaroxolyn)
After X-rays to rule out injury the gouty arthritis diagnosis was confirmed.
Really?
9 times more likely to strike men than women, 1-2 percent of the population...........and I STILL managed to get it? Are you kidding?
Tell me thats not a nasty sounding word - GOUT - I've got the gout!
People I have told asked me if that was something they eradicated in the 16th century.......
What does this mean for ole purp? More pills!  More blood tests  More ridiculosity!  I think I actually passed ridiculous at least 2 years ago......
On the plus side this means yet more Norco.....just sayin'
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39
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Half Nekkid Wednesday - Leg Action
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Posted:Nov 10, 2011 8:28 pm
Last Updated:Nov 16, 2011 8:55 pm
63091 Views
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Far from creative this week........ but just couldn't pass on the humpday skinfest - so - digging into the photo vault..........
HAPPY HNW!
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To link to this blog (purpletrashcan) use [blog purpletrashcan] in your messages.
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