|Blogs > purdy37 > me|
been hard today
been hard today
its been a hard day today, i have found that i have good days and i also have very bad ones. my confidence has taken a major knock with everything that has happened over the past few months.
someone told me that they thought i was stunning today, i did smile, but at the end of the day my first thought was, yeah right, i know what your after and it isnt my personality!!
i have been trying to work out for ages what he took from me, i couldnt work it out for all this time, but today it hit me, he took away my confidence!! i have never been that confident, but i did know that i had alot to offer the right person. but right now i dont have any thing to offer, my mind is a mess and so is my heart.
its amazing how low someone can make you feel, and how much they can take from you without you even noticing its gone until its to late.
i do want to move on, i do want to be able to give someone my love . but right now i cant think that far ahead as all i can think is 'what if they do the same' i cant take that again, not right now. it hurts to much.
one person has made me so protective of my own self that i am going to find it hard to ever let go again and it makes me sad and angry . i let it happen when i knew it was wrong right from the start. so i guess that makes it just as much my fault as it is his.
i would never blame one person, takes two to tango as they say, but i do feel betrayed.
i guess i have learned alot from it, talking to the other woman has put alot of clarity on so many un answered questions i had, still doesnt make it any easier for either of us, we are both hurting, we didnt ask for any of it, all we wanted was to be happy and share our lives with someone we cared for.
she is an amazing person!! she spent more time with him and there fore the pain runs alot deeper for her and i know she is finding it hard to cope with. we have talked for hours on the phone, even met and spent the day together, thats when we discovered all the lies, so many have been told, he would tell her one thing and then tell me another, then it would get so complicated, i dont think even he can remember what he has said to the both of us, i find that a sad way to be, a messed up person that couldnt admit what he was doing until he was found out.
who ever this third person was i would like to shake his/ her hand and thank them for making me see him for what he is. i just wish this person hadnt caused so much pain for the women concerned, it has been hard to deal with!!!!!
our lives will never cross again i dont think, each has to deal with what has happened, alot of bitterness has been left behind, for me i have found the whole experience to have left me never wanting to be with any one again. how can i trust ever again?? trust is the one thing that is at the top of my list of relationship do's . but he has shattered every hope of me trusting anyone for a long long time!!!!!
the next person to walk in to my life, is going to have such a hard time, i know they will, and i know that only a special person will be able to see past my untrusting nature and understand why i feel the need to keep my self safe from being hurt again.
all because one person had to play with my emotions and screw around with my head. hardly fair really is it that other people will probably have to pay for his mistakes???? he made me in to a sceptical untrusting person, i hope one day i can move on and forget and be the person i once was!!!
4/18/2006 9:43 am
Purdy I can identify with what you say. I fell for and am still very much in love with a guy who told me all sorts of nice things, but at the end of the day i was simply a plaything for him. Now he is bored i have been thrown back in the toy box. Occasionally he takes me out and spends a few minutes with me, but mostly he seeks new fun. I know i have to move on for my own sake,thats what everyone tells me and even him. That would be so easy to do if it weren't for this thing called love.|
Hang in there girl, you deserve to be happy ... we all do. Guys if you wanna play make sure the girl knows thats all she is .. a plaything !