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a new beggining??
a new beggining??
the past few months have been ones of game playing, not on my part, i started to play, but changed my mind, im old enough to stand by what i think and feel, i dont need to play games any more, has never got me any where before and it only hurts people close to you. first i had my heart messed with, then he played with my mind. the second was the worst for me, it has left me feeling confused and unsure of my own identity.
i guess i am hoping that now it has been finished for ever i can look to the future, work through my confusion and try to figure out just where everything went wrong.
its amazing how two people who are so much alike in so many way can confuse each other so much. we could talk about everything except how we really felt, that was hidden from one another. at night we would spend hours talking, staying up until dawn talking about our lives and what we had done, stories of past laughter and of pain, but also happy time and what we had accomplished. never once did we talk about what we felt for one another.
i guess it started as fuck buddies, but over time it went further than that, alot deeper, but neither would admit just how heavy things had become, so we both bolted and did silly things.
and now i am sat here in front of this screen wondering just how i move on and forget what we did to each other. so much has happened, so many things have been said neither can talk with out screaming at each other, saying hurtful things to one another, really hurtful and nasty things that should never even be thought of let alone said to another person who at the end of the day i still care for.
i cant yet get over the hurt i feel, i guess thats why i cant talk to him with out wanting to hit him so bloody hard. and for me that is sad, we had alot of fun together and shared so much time. i know it wont ever happen again, i cant and wont go back to much has happened for it ever to be fun again. but i wont forget what we had and shared and maybe in years to come i will be able to look back and smile and remember the good times, with out them being shrouded in so much bitterness.
will leave them be, if we are to meet again i guess fate will put his hand in and it will happen, until that day i will leave it all alone and try to move on with my life, i know i have so much to give and he wont spoil my future with the games that have been played. !!
4/11/2006 3:22 pm
hi it bin 3 year for me love to have a chat but not to good at put down wot i do not hood to shay them i wood like a have a talk ?? hope you git on with life they are some good one out they if you fine they let me no ??|