Satirical comment  

puntachueca 105M
2534 posts
8/19/2006 6:40 am

Last Read:
8/25/2006 5:16 am

Satirical comment

In the wake of a court decision branding their companies as guilty of 50 years of deception in marketing their products and racketeering, America's cigarette industry announced a major change in how they will promote their products.

"We're going to be brutally honest in our naming of our brands and our marketing," said Guido Alfonso, spokesman for RJ Reynolds tobacco company.

Alfonso unveiled the new line of cigarettes Reynolds will have in store shelves within 30 says called "Slow Death".

The packages will be graced with a skull and crossbones and a prominent warning that smoking will absolutely cause you to die slowly and painfully.

"Our legal department advised us that if we told the absolute truth that our product would kill you, and you continued to smoke anyway, we'd avoid billions of dollars in liability claims," said Alfonso. "The legal doctrine is called Assumption of Risk and we got it from Arizona where if there are warning signs saying Do Not Enter When Flooded in front of washes, and you drive in anyway, you can't sue the government."

Sources inside the tobacco industry confirmed that market studies showed that the more dangerous cigarettes were made to seem in the advertising, the more people would actually smoke.

"There are already a lot of kids looking to take risks, and a lot of older people who smoke and know the risk and say 'fuck you' and do it anyway," said the source.
The cowboys, all lighting up their Marlboros, noted that we're all gonna die even if we're healthy, and they think having Bush as president is a lot more dangerous than cigs.

(What the fuck is this shit..?? *rolls eyes*)

8/19/2006 8:36 am

"Bush as president is a lot more dangerous than cigs."...No Shit there the body count of American Soldiers proves that....Ready


puntachueca replies on 8/19/2006 9:15 am:
What's interesting is several of the cowboys are ex-Marines and they all probably vote Republican if and when they bother to vote. I don't think bush and his cronies realize the depth of betrayal people feel about where's he's taken the country.

kyplowboy22 61M

8/19/2006 12:10 pm

As a tobacco producer (and consumer of the product), I have some strong opinions on the tobacco industry and the consumers of their products.

1) Any body that has a mother knows that tobacco ain't good for you, or she wouldn't have told you so. 'Nuff said, momma told you so take that to the bank. And the medical profession is cutting their own throats. If everyone stopped smoking, they would be out of business in no time flat. If I was a doctor, I would encourage my patients to 'keep on puffin', hell that's job security for me.

2) Too many of the big tobacco execs don't use their own products. Don't smoke it? don't chew it? you don't get a multi-million dollar job pushing it on other people. Period. Make it a criteria for employment at the executive level. Can you imagine how fast Iacoca's ass would have bounced off the pavement in front Chrysler if he road up on a bicycle be he poopooed the automobile? Same thing would apply to producers. Don't use it yourself? Then we can't sign a contract with you to raise it for us either. How can a sumbitch raise or sell a product, known to be harmful to others, when they don't have the monkey on their own backs and still sleep at night? It's beyond me.

3) I'm all for a company making a profit, but let's be for real. The cost to the consumer for the product has risen by about 2.57% per year over the last 35 years or so for a total increase of about 90%. Pack of Marlboro's that cost $0.30 35 years ago is now $3.00 a pack. Same product, identical packaging. Of course I take into account the rising cost of labor and all, but this growth is still amazing to me. What gets me even more is that since the tobacco buyout for the farmers, the cost of the product has risen more than $0.50 a pack ($5.00 a carton) while the price of raw leaf from producers has dropped about $0.50 a pound. So for the pound of tobacco in a carton of smokes, the industry has just increased their profit by $5.50. They are putting us out of business here, except for the giant, almost corporate producers. It cost us about 15% more now to raise a crop than it did before the buyout and they wanna pay us less. Smokers, dont get alarmed! most of your tobacco is imported anyway. Our quality leading burley and dark tobaccos is mostly being exported, as it always has, to the rest of the still more profit.

Hell, anybody can die healthy, but it takes a real test of courage to stare cancer down.

"Smoke 'em if you got 'em. If you don't got 'em getcha one from Punta"


puntachueca replies on 8/19/2006 7:41 pm:
absolutely fascinating.
my family grew cotton..and were always broke even though someone else always made money.
a pack around here is over $4..they add lots of taxes.

demonicsexkitten 41F
10671 posts
8/19/2006 12:54 pm

I bet they really WOULD sell more cigs that way i'd probably buy a pack just out of admiration for "honesty in advertising" and just how unique and cool the packaging was. and i'm anti-smoking. (um... though i do get bday gifts from Marlboro every year, and coupons every few months. A coworker who smokes Marlboro never understands it... she smokes them and never gets anything).

puntachueca replies on 8/19/2006 7:42 pm:
I somke them, too, and never got a thing,.

RevJoseyWales 69M/66F
14393 posts
8/19/2006 3:21 pm

The cowboys are right, as usual.

Dusty is a complete whore and bore, as usual.

I'm gonna go get high, as usual. Joe

"McVeigh had the right idea, wrong address."

"This ain't Dodge City, and you ain't Bill Hickok."

puntachueca replies on 8/19/2006 7:43 pm:
Driving back home from 2000 feet to 4000 feet is another way to get high...he says coughing from smoking the whole way.

PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
8/19/2006 4:15 pm

I've finally cut my smoking down from half a pack a day to one or two, sometimes none for a couple of days - unless I'm at a party drinking, then I can do over half a pack in an evening.

I'd rather smoke weed, I need only a few puffs if it's good, and if I use it for cooking it works better and longer.

I agree with the cowboys on this one.

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

puntachueca replies on 8/19/2006 7:43 pm:
I tried everything to quit...and haven't.

demonicsexkitten 41F
10671 posts
8/20/2006 3:00 am

Heh... if you want, I'll mail you all my coupons. What you don't use you can share with others. I used to give them to a coworker but she quit. Being anti smoking i should just throw them out, but hate being wasteful too. *sigh*.

When they were doing the Marlboro Mile thing I had coworkers and the bar next door save miles for me, plus any i found and i could talk my step dad out of. got lots of merchandise. have been on their list ever since.

puntachueca replies on 8/24/2006 6:54 am:
I'll taken them.
Always wanted one of those yellow slickers they sell.

catkit13 66F

8/23/2006 7:08 pm

i'd love to meet the cowboys some time - great wisdom!

puntachueca replies on 8/24/2006 6:55 am:
They are a hoot. Little cafe in Rio Rico at 7 every morning.

wickedeasy 66F  
25415 posts
8/25/2006 10:28 am

i think the cowboys are right about Bush

smiles and offers a ltns hug

You cannot conceive the many without the one.

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