NEW PLAN TO SAVE SOCIAL SECURITY  

puntachueca 105M
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6/21/2006 9:49 pm

Last Read:
6/22/2006 2:45 pm

NEW PLAN TO SAVE SOCIAL SECURITY


NEW PLAN TO SAVE SOCIAL SECURITY

DIE YOUNGER

WASHINGTON: In an about-face the Bush Administration reportedly will unveil its newest plan to save Social Security on August 1st.

"The new plan is based on the fact that the core problem with the Social Security system is all those baby boomers who probably will live into their 80's, bankrupting the program," said Allen Loospan, economist at the Matchbook Economic Institute who has been advising the Bush Administration.

"The number of working people supporting the system will decline while the number of beneficiaries increases," noted Loospan.

The new plan is code named "Die Younger" according to Loospan.

"If the life expectancy of the baby boomers were to drop to say 66, that would save over a trillion dollars," Loospan noted.

The solution for reducing baby boomer life span is to quit encouraging people to lead healthier (and thus longer) lives.

"The whole thrust of our current health care system is to try and convince people to quit smoking, eat less fatty foods, and so forth," said Loospan. "The problem is this is actually working, thus people are in fact living longer."

The Die Younger plan aims to encourage people to smoke, eat fried food, drink excessively, not exercise, and to generally burn the candle at both ends.

"We also suggested that the retirement age constantly be raised, so the boomers have to keep working, and live under stress," said Loospan.

Extension of excessive amounts of credit to boomers is also incorporated into the Die Younger plan.

"The more debt the boomers carry, the more stress there, too."

The plan is supported by America's tobacco industry, who will get immunity from law suits for deaths caused by smoking, the liquor industry which will see its federal taxes drop in relationship to the lowered longevity, and the insurance industry who will gain a mandatory credit insurance provision for any loans made to people over 55.

"While the initial reaction to promoting vice as a lifestyle was initially very negative," added Loospan, "the moralistic objections of Bush's Rapture advisors evaporated when studies showed that Democrats were more likely to avail themselves of the bad lifestyles needed to save Social Security.

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