A lawyer joke monologue  

puntachueca 105M
2534 posts
5/19/2006 5:37 pm

Last Read:
5/19/2006 8:13 pm

A lawyer joke monologue

Well...you know that there is a serious crisis in medical research. Due to the objections of animal rights activists and people with ethics, research can't be conducted on animals or humans. Thus, something plausibly human, that won't engender any affection from lab workers, or objections from animal rights people is needed. The answer of course is...lawyers.

With a reputation lower than that of a used car salesman or a Congressman, I decided to change my path of life. I joined a group called "recovering lawyers". The problem was in creating a 12 step program. They would all get together and argue. They couldn't agree on 12, as opposed to 8,9,10,11 or 13 steps. And no one could accept any blame. The "amends" step was the most difficult. After realizing how much damage and hurt being a lawyer has caused others, how do you apologize to thousands of people?

One day I decided to become a "healing" lawyer. Only do good things that helped and empowered people. Things that made people happy. Ran into a law student, and told him this is what I was going to do. Immediate response was "how can you make any money doing that?"

Decided that I needed a new image. Not an Eagle. Not a Hawk. Not a Weasel. So I made up a new business card with a Rabbit on it. I gave it to my first would-be client. He said..."So you fuck rabbits?"

So I quit practicing law and got a job managing a garbage collection system. The first day on the job I volunteered to go out on a route and throw garbage cans into the truck so I could learn the job from the ground up. One of the workers said "You used to be a lawyer, right?" Answer "yes". He said, "you can throw garbage from your mouth so you can obviously throw real garbage into a truck".

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